Stars in Sticks

Ken Robinson speaks and writes on Education.  In his 2013 Ted Talk he spoke of Alternative Education.  He commented that Alternative Education programs are specifically designed to get students back into education.  He mentions five commonalities typically found within Alternative Education programs:

1. Alternative Education programs are highly personalized.
2. Alternative Education programs have close links with the community.
3. Alternative Education programs include strong support for the teachers.
4. Alternative Education programs offer a broad and diverse curriculum.
5. Alternative Education programs involve the students outside of the school as well as inside the school.

He then said:  "If we all did that there would be no need for the alternative."

I have had the opportunity to work part time in an Alternative Education environment for the last three years.  I can vouch for the success of the first commonality:  highly personalized.  One might assume that 'highly personalized' suggests that the curriculums are personalized to fit the individual student's needs, strengths, and interests.  I am suggesting that 'highly personalized' means that the 'person' comes first - "Person-first education".  The principal who hired me shared the motto:  'Accept and then Expect.'

I want to share a beautiful poem that learning specialist, Rebecca Manzanares, shared with the students at their June 2014 graduation.  The following words are Becca's closing comments to the class of 2014.

We recently lost an American icon, former Poet Laureate Maya Angelou.  For my congratulations speech, I thought about borrowing one of her pieces; however, I decided it would be more of a tribute to her for me to write my own poem about the class of 2014.

Before I share it with you, I have to preface it with an explanation of the title.  I was in our backyard last week, talking with our neighbor's five-year-old daughter, when she asked me if a branch on the ground was a star stick.  After fumbling around for words, I had to admit that I didn't have any idea what a star stick was.  She immediately grabbed a couple of branches and began breaking them apart.  Then she handed me stick after stick, telling me to look at the site of the break.  To my surprise, each one had a perfectly formed star inside its core, I couldn't help but smile at the surprise image.  Right away, I thought of y'all; I thought of the hidden talents and beauty in each of you.  I thought of the strengths that people may not realize you have, and I thought of the smiles you have brought to our faces, often in unexpected moments.  I decided to entitle my poem, Stars in Sticks. If you look under your chairs, you'll find your very own star stick to remember us by. I hope you like my tribute to y'all and everything you are.

Stars in Sticks - The Class of 2014

You are the brave

Not fearless but facing fear

Head on, walking into the storm

Knowing full well the challenges

It entails.

You are the strong

Not without weakness

But understanding

That strength grows with every

new step forward.

You are the tough

Not making lemonade

With the lemons life has handed you

But throwing them back

And demanding the better you deserve.

You are the determined

Not the smooth, easy-goers slipping and sliding through

But those facing unseen obstacles

With tears and grace and power

And pride.

You are the fun

Not the mindless giggles of the carefree

But the hearty laughter of the survivor

Who alone can appreciate

The true value of joy.

You are the beautiful

Not the shiny, glittery shallow exteriors

But the deep down worn warmth

Of soul and spirit

Crafted by fire and time.

You are the accepting

Not the "we will tolerate differences"

But the "we will stand up and embrace and fight for"

Everyone and anyone on this crazy Ferris wheel

Of humanity.

You are the stars

Not the brazen and blazing night sky, obvious to everyone

But the hidden amazement, the unexpected brilliance, the true wonder of this world

Requiring effort and intent to recognize and view

Like stars in sticks.

On behalf of the staff, it is our wish that you continue to shine in your very own way.  Congratulations, Class of 2014!

Spacial Awareness...Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle spoke Saturday at a conference in San Francisco called Wisdom 2.0.  I was able to watch it through livestreaming- another paradox of technology and self awareness.  I recall buying Eckhart's book, A New Earth, four or five years ago and wanting so badly to grasp the knowledge that I knew was contained in the pages. At that time I was unable to finish the book, but I recall learning to pay more attention to sound in nature when I walked my dog and (silly as it sounds) stopped listening to my ipod when I ran.  Within the last few years I devoured A New Earth, but not before Eckhart's book, The Power of Now, had a considerable impact on my worldview.

I wanted to share a really cool analogy that Eckhart spoke of Saturday at the conference.  Here's a summary:

Imagine that you are this room and you want to know yourself.  Your physical body represents the floor, walls, and ceiling.  The contents of your mind represents the contents of the room.  Is there more to you than the 'stuff' in the room?  The essence (space) of the room is what enables the 'stuff' to be in it.  Awakening is recognizing the essence (space) of the room is what allows for all else.  

Eckhart quoted Jesus saying 'the kingdom of heaven does not come with signs to be perceived.'  Eckhart also mentioned that he does not talk of this spacial awareness as God.  He maintains that we all have a concept that our mind grasps on to when we use the word 'God' and that concept tends to separate us rather than connect us.

When we see ourselves as part of this energy or awareness as opposed to God as an object and ourself as a subject, does it change the way we see our own role on the planet?  As a mental health provider in schools, suicide completion and suicidal ideation is overwhelming.  It's exposure to this particular dread that expands my own desire to teach skills that help young people return to a place of stillness and tap into a deeper connection to 'something more.'  Teaching the skill of self awareness or mindfulness seems to help all person's realign with their own nature.  As I teach the skill of self awareness, I do so with a belief that once a person returns to their nature, what happens next becomes their own journey.

'The space within is where the stuff of your mind is transcended.'

Mindful Consumption...Thich Nhat Hanh

My favorite book is Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  When I read it for the first time it was as if she had been the editor of my inner life - a life that hadn't been articulated that well.  In the first part of the book she wrote something so simple...it went something like this: 'If the world religions would all come together and combine (she might have used a different word) their beliefs, wouldn't that bring us closer to what we're all looking for?'  That's grossly summarized...but it really made sense to me.  If we had an inclusive approach to our collective ideas about 'wondering' (as opposed to absolute knowing) perhaps things might be a bit more peaceful.

This summer I attended a retreat called 'Mindfulness in Education.'  After I signed up for the retreat I found out that Thich Nhat Hanh was going to be the person leading the retreat.  If you begin practicing mindfulness it doesn't take long before a google search leads you to a book by Thich Nhat Hanh or Jon Kabat Zinn.  What I didn't know was that Thich Nhat Hanh was a Zen master and that Zen Buddhism was a lifestyle encapsulated at these retreats.  I'm certain that is somewhat misstated, but it was a cultural immersion for certain.

Anyhow, I am going to attempt to summarize a lesson I was taught at the retreat.  I am going to do this 'free-style' from my own assumed interpretation of what I learned. I do not practice any form of Buddhism (in fairness, 'mindfulness' comes from a principle within the Buddhist philosophy) and my first true experience with the philosophy/religion was this past August at the retreat.  I have no intentions of claiming the religion.  I have no desire to claim any religion at this time in my life.  I claim peace within my being...compassion in my heart.  TNH is really just a global peace activist cleverly disguised as a buddhist monk (wink).

TNH taught about ill being (suffering) and well being, and a path that leads either way.  He talked about the power of meditation, or 'looking deeper.'  He said that when you look deep into your suffering or ill being you will find well being...one cannot be without the other.  When the source of nutriment is cut off from ill being, well being will present itself. He said 'nothing can survive without food.' He shared four different ways we feed our 'being':

1. Edible food.  He mentioned the amount of grain used to feed animals and to make alcohol that could feed our entire nation.  I eat meat and drink alc...well, wait...he didn't say anything about grapes.  Anyway, it makes you think.  Are our food choices feeding the path toward well being or ill being? 'Eat in such a way that grows compassion in our hearts not pain.'

2.  Sensory Impressions.  This is everything we take in through our senses.  All forms of media and technology would obviously be included.  Are we intoxicating ourselves by our consumption...by what we choose to ingest through our eyes and ears?  He tells a story of a cow with skin disease that has lost its defense against harmful toxins from the outside.  He says that when we practice mindfulness and look deeper it acts as our skin and protects us from things that cause harm.

3.  Volition.  He defined volition as our deepest desire.  What do you want to do with your life? He drew a continuum with one side being violence, anger, and despair (money, sex, power) and the other side compassion and understanding (protecting children and nurturing the earth).  What are we feeding when we dig into the deeper parts of our hidden desires?  Or are we neutral?  What part do we play in contributing to the collective energy on our planet?  'The mind of enlightenment is to protect and help humanity and other living beings.'

4.  Consciousness.  I interpreted this as self awareness...'living deeply in the present moment.'  He talked about individual, mental, and stored consciousness.  Stored consciousness being in the past...that we have a habit of going into the past and suffering all over again and again: 'the past becomes a prison...films of past suffering being shown over and over in the dark corner of consciousness.' He speaks of the danger of a society that inhabits the collective energy of fear, anger, and despair.  Practice breathing and calming to find nourishment in the present moment.  (It's a great idea to seek mental health support as you explore the 'dark corner' and allow yourself some time to work through what the body may have internalized as 'trauma').

TNH says that mindful consumption through 'right view' is the way out.  He speaks of an eight fold path that begins with mindfulness that nourishes concentration and insight to lead to a right view.  Right view then allows for right action, right thought, and right speech which all contribute to our livelihood and what we choose to do with our life and 'selective watering' - the seeds we choose to water (feed).

Understanding and compassion can heal the world.
Look deep within.
Nourish the self.

Life. Be in it.

Dear adults that include this writer...

Suicide.
What an ugly word.
Child Suicide.
We have a problem.
We can choose to be vulnerable and express how powerless it makes us feel.
We can be courageous and choose to look for solutions.

Why is our defense to blame?
We blame ourselves, we blame others, we blame a system.
Blame is so reliable.

This may sound extreme but nationally claiming that young people who do mean things are causing other kids to kill themselves is not an answer.

According to Dorothy Espelage, a researcher out of the University of Illinois who studies bullying, if I heard her correctly she stated that no bully prevention program (or any prevention program for that matter) is effective without a strong foundation of social and emotional skills.

So with that information it seems that a logical solution is to teach or embed social and emotional skills like self and social awareness, self management, relationship skills, and decision-making in schools.  The people in the schools that have the best understanding of social and emotional learning or SEL (mental health providers including counselors, psychologists, and social workers) are not trained to teach nor were they hired for that purpose, and the teachers are overwhelmed with a job that is already unrealistic and to suggest that they teach SEL only seems to add to the problem of feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed.

Do you recall a bumper sticker that read 'Focus on your own damn family?'  Well how about if we start a solution beginning with:  Focus on your own damn self.

Self care.
We cannot give someone something that we don't have ourselves.

Let's collectively get out of the trance that we all contribute to where it's as if we are speaking and living a life that is scripted by a society that we help to create by not allowing ourself or choosing not to be present in our experience.  When we are present we search inside ourself for solutions...we stop blaming.  Brene Brown has almost two million hits on her TED talk on shame.  She says that courage is the antidote for shame...and that vulnerability is courage.

Can we choose to be vulnerable with one another and work toward solutions as a community of caring people that teach children to choose life?  Let's sell life by creating one that is our own...one that triumphs in courage and in truth.  A life that allows for stillness and seeks peace in a deeper space of knowing...a deeper space that may always remain a mystery for the living - yet continues to be a source of inspiration when we choose to dwell in it.  I used to wear a t-shirt when I was a kid that I got from the local community center - it said 'Life. Be in it.'  I didn't understand what it meant at the time.  Now I do.

The Story We Tell

Have you ever been in a social situation where you feel as if you are standing outside of yourself observing the conversation you are having?  As you observe you may have your hand on your chin, gently shaking your head back and forth with a bit of a disappointed smirk on your face...this story, again?

As a child growing up with two brothers I quickly learned that if I could make fun of myself first then I won - they had nothing on me.  This early entry into self deprecating humor was a brilliant survival tactic at the time, however it wasn't until much later I saw it as a habit that had the potential to limit me.

I knew I was passionate about the students I worked with right away.  I knew that I desired nothing more in the profession than to really make a positive impact on the student.  Certainly my efforts weren't always the most effective and many times I reacted to the situation, but I knew the intent that was in my heart.  Looking back I really see the truth in the statement 'children (people) won't remember what you said...they'll remember how you made them feel.'  I have come to recognize the power of the energy within us that comes from the truth we hold.  When we believe in the intrinsic dignity and worth of a human being, no matter whether it be failure or success in how the message is delivered...the energy will stay the course - the feeling is there.  Life seems to have a way of getting your attention when the outside doesn't match the inside...it might be called internal or external chaos.  At least that was true in my case.

I say this because I often wasn't taken seriously in my professional efforts.  It hurt me inside because I knew how passionate I truly was.  However, I was the one that constantly reinforced this self deprecating 'story' that I was (this is a bit dramatic) a 'joke'.  People will treat us the way we present ourselves.  I suppose this contradicts what I said earlier about 'others will feel the energy of the truth within you' regardless of what you present.  I will clarify that a bit by saying others will feel that energy when mindful and present with you in the moment.  We (choose) to live in such a fast paced surface of a world that we become this brain research of mimickry.   My thought is that if we don't intentionally practice present moment awareness than others will quickly receive their interaction with us based on how we present ourself in that moment.

If we have not taken the opportunity to consider the story we tell and the language we use to tell it, then we may be living a life that is created by us and then reinforced by others based on our own false or unexamined perception. We create their perception (?)

Where am I and how did I get this far off the original topic?

The fourth lesson in the I Am curriculum is High energy v. Low energy language.  Take a moment to consider the story you tell...does it add to your experience or take away?  I'm not sure there is any person who works with adolescents whom hasn't heard some version of 'I have a horrible life.'  What version do we tell with that same theme?  If we know the passion that lives within us, why don't we tell that story?  Practice creating a story of the life you desire by beginning with one or more of the following sentence starters:  I am...I have...I allow...I can.

I want to introduce a trio of acronyms that I created to help remind us to tap into our personal power. OWN the experience (allow what is without trying to control anything) in the NOW (allow yourself to have the experience of the present moment)...you WON - you are empowered to manage your life experience.  The acronyms are all the same letters that represent the words:  Observe, Witness, Notice.  Be in your experience.  As you pay attention to the inner experience it can increase your capacity to live your same life from a deeper space of being or knowing.  It can also be quite comical as you observe yourself and the 'story' you tell - ie. "OMG...seriously?...I am totally trying to impress this person right now...."

As we learn to allow the experience to be what it is and allow ourself to connect to that deeper space we tap into the creativity, inspiration, and possibilities that reside in that deeper space.  The following are the first and last verses from a popular poem, Our Deepest Fear:

'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.'
 
'And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.'
 
As an adult might have told us while growing up:  You don't need to make anything up.  Just tell the truth.

What do I really want?

Let's assume that you and I are having lunch together.  Let's also assume that one of the reasons we decided to get together was because you feel 'stuck'...a general state of feeling dissatisfied and unsure of what options you have to get 'unstuck'.  So at this lunch, I look at you and ask you: "What do you really want?"  Your immediate reaction is to answer my question, yet as you try to speak you (once again) are 'stuck'...you assumed you had a ready answer for the question...you don't.

My experience is that most of us assume we know what we want but we really haven't given the idea much conscious thought.  Perhaps the reason we continue to lead lives that may include too much distraction and subtle dissatisfaction is partly due to this unexamined idea of:  What do I really want?

The third lesson in the I Am curriculum examines this question:  What do I really want?  The students begin with a mindfulness practice that brings their awareness into the present moment.  'I heal and grow in the present moment.'  You may do this at home by taking three breaths and repeating the following to yourself: 'I breathe in I follow my in breath...I breathe out I follow my out breath.'

The mindfulness practice is followed by some sort of affirmation or validation of life (song lyrics, poetry, youtube clip, movie reference, artwork, quote, personal experience, etc.).  At the elementary level I just started calling this piece: 'I'm okay.' At home you may have all sorts of motivational quotes available for your viewing - have you ever really allowed yourself to consider and imagine the words as a true reflection in your life experience?  What would it look like...feel like...to live the art we showcase?

Following the affirmation are connecting questions that get the students to consider related ideas that contribute toward the life skill (What do I really want? is basically a version of goal setting which is the 'life skill' being taught).  At the end of this post are three considerations that may be helpful to entertain in this little segment.  You can create guiding questions that allow you to reflect on the ideas presented.

It's a bit difficult to design this blog for a broad audience.  Obviously I want to engage others who teach social and emotional learning.  However, social and emotional learning is helpful for all persons.  Setting aside some time in stillness each day to consider ideas that contribute to one's self development is a good idea.  The I Am curriculum could easily be used as a guide for personal self reflection or it could be a 'dinner table' tool for families.

As a class activity, we take our idea of what we really want and break it down to something that is intangible - 'I want to feel a sense of freedom within my self', 'a sense of calm in my being', 'inner peace', etc.  Next we look for images in magazines that represent this desire and glue them onto paper or cardboard - or onto a folder that collects other class activities as well.  Vision boards tend to be somewhat popular and the reason is they work!  We are bringing an awareness of what we want into our consciousness.  Have you ever bought a new car and then notice that particular car everywhere?  Have you ever been in love (infatuated may be a better term here) and see 'look-a-likes' everywhere?  'What we think about we bring about.'  This vision board can become part of your mindfulness practice.  Use your senses to create or imagine the 'wish fulfilled.'  Wishes Fulfilled is a book by Wayne Dyer which I haven't read yet.  I do have a quote on my personal vision board by Dr Dyer that reads: 'Make your future dream a present fact by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.'

A few other considerations:

Let's assume that all persons want to feel a sense of belonging and a feeling of significance.  These ideas are in a book called 'Positive Discipline' by Jane Nelson (I think the first edition was in the 80's - a friend suggested this book to me as I began working with younger students this school year).  The book is referring to children wanting to feel a sense of belonging and significance...I assume that is the same for all persons.

Can you feel these statements as truth within your being:

'I Am. Capable.'

'I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.'

'I can influence what happens to me.'

Perhaps you now can consider the original question from a deeper space...What do you really want?

Managing FITS

Are your FITS in charge?

Last week we spoke (I am referring to the class I currently teach the I Am curriculum to) about FITS.  FITS is just an acronym for feelings, impulses, thoughts, and sensations.  I recently concluded that I teach subjectively and experientially - not based on any absolutes.  So please read my ideas on FITS with an open mind.  I consider myself to incorporate everything and anything into my teaching that I have found meaningful in my own life (don't we all do this?).  It's funny how life is, as soon as I settled on this 'subjective' approach to teaching I was brought back to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People/Teens that talks about the principles that govern us in spite of what our beliefs are (ie. absolutes).  Funny.

I used to facilitate SEL (social emotional learning) lessons based on the idea that 'thoughts' trigger 'feelings/emotions' which dictate 'behavior' and then ultimately lead to the 'results' we get in life.  I now facilitate the idea that when we intentionally practice being mindful or still (present in our body experiencing the moment) we bring awareness to our body and notice FITS.  As we learn to identify FITS we start to recognize how our FITS play off of one another as if they are a bit enmeshed especially when we aren't mindful of their independent roles.

For example....  How many of us have allowed a pet or a child under the age of three to upset us?  To upset us in a way that we believed the child or pet purposely did something to us to intentionally receive the reaction we gave them (?).  What if we were instead reacting to the FITS concept?  A two year old tells us to go away or clings to their parent when we approach.  What reaction may we be having in our body?  And which happens first?  A feeling of rejection could lead to an impulse to leave the situation (sometimes this may be a good reaction, however an adult leaving a two year olds birthday party would not be so cool).  A sensation may flood our body - the same sensation we had at sixteen when we were rejected by 'the crush.' The sensation could create, reinforce, or contribute to feelings of unworthiness that (if not intervened upon) will now trigger thoughts from the past or possibly the future (now we aren't in the present moment anymore) that will feed the feeling of rejection and contribute to an overall sense of 'I don't matter.'  Yuck.  What if our FITS are just part of being human and responding to our own energy and that of the collective whole?  What if our FITS constitute what we refer to as our 'emotion' and we 'emote' based on our experience of the FITS?  What if the FITS can just be allowed?  What if we can learn to observe FITS and purposely allow for the experience with the idea that when we give up control we give up resistance which can disempower the whole process?  Does a two year old really have the power to limit us?  If you like, return to the beginning of this paragraph and create your own personal example of the FITS idea.  Have you ever limited your life experience by reacting to FITS?

Our FITS will govern our life experience if we do not intentionally practice being mindful of our 'inner being.'  We are the mayor of Self town.  The FITS belong in the town but they need to be put in their rightful place.  When we are aware of FITS and allow them to be as they are with intention to release that which limits us and our life experience in any way, we can then use this awareness for purpose.  Used constructively, FITS can empower us by willfully contributing to creative ideas, inspired thinking, and unlimited possibilities.

'Everyone has a capacity for greatness that transcends anything they've been taught to believe.'

'Your appointment with life is always in the present.'