Considering Expectations

Recently there is a cover article in Time magazine on Americans and happiness.  Without even reading the article I made an assumption as to what the article was about and how I was going to compare mainstream ideas about happiness to the young people in alternative educational settings.  I think I read about half the article and (I think) that what it is saying (I could be wrong because I didn't finish it) is that how happy we are is in correlation with the level of our expectations around happiness.  I have heard this idea before which contributed to this assumption.  I recall sharing my original knowledge of this idea with others in sort of an 'I'm so clever to know this fact' kind of way instead of a mindful bewilderment about the idea and a 'how can I use this to add to my life or an other's life' kind of way.  So yesterday was an American holiday - personally I chose to celebrate the idea of independent thinking in my own little desire to be contrary to the majority... and subject myself to total contradiction in everything I do, think, and say...whatever.  So the first (it continued throughout the day) contradiction to my individuality was in my expectations around the celebration of the day as it concerned food.  I might just read a few too many food magazines (another contradiction if you are keeping score).  My expectations around the preparation and presentation of food on any given holiday or special event are OUT. OF. CONTROL. and completely unrealistic in every way imaginable.  These expectations continually leave me out on the sidelines as I scrutinize the unfolding of the days food events that at best are unattainable.  This is madness and the only salvation is humor at my own expense (my brother is totally on to me).  Yesterday as I was spitting out my friends lemon bar and secretly gloating as my brother tried to console my friend by telling her I had an advanced palate, I observed compassion.  Within minutes, everyone present ate a lemon bar and shared with my friend how good they thought they were.  What others noticed was the time it took to prepare something to bring to a gathering with loving intention, and that what was important was the gathering (not that the whipped cream came from the cow in the backyard).  I was out of sync the entire day and if I reflect on other holidays/events I would probably find that I am never fully present because of these silly expectations around how things 'should' go.  I want to share a few thoughts that grounded me this morning:  What do you really want?  This is the title of the first lesson in the series of eight that I created as part of the I Am. curriculum.  I start with this consideration (my apologies for another food analogy):  Imagine that someone told you that you could go into the grocery story and get anything you wanted...what would you get?  My lesson idea is that if we don't really know what we want we will gravitate toward the same thing we always get.  I use this example because I do this all the time in the grocery - I think I'm this creative chef yet I always get the same thing (I can expand on this in many different ways - not now).  So I ask the students (and myself) 'What do you really want?'.  This activity can be likened to finding the lowest common denominator in a math problem...keep asking 'what do you really want?' until it becomes something simple and intangible (this allows for other lesson ideas in using high energy/low energy language as well as ideas about what is tangible and intangible).  To go back to the original story about my unrealistic expectations at gatherings with family and friends, the lowest common denominator (should be) connectedness or creating and allowing for a sense of belonging.  When I finally noticed great change in my inner life was when I gave up all these ideas about what would make me 'happy' and surrendered to peace.  Exasperated with dissatisfaction, I figuratively threw both my hands up in the air and said to myself 'Okay fine!  You win!  All I want is peace within...that's all.'  And that's what came...at least on days that are not considered holidays or events.  I heard a story told about an alley cat.  The alley cat stumbled upon esteemed cat chasing its tail.  The alley cat asked esteemed cat what it was doing.  Esteemed cat said 'I was told that happiness is found in my tail, and so if I can just grab on to my tail I will find it and never let go'.  Alley cat said 'Yeah I have heard that same thing.  However, my experiences may be a little different than yours.  What I have learned is that if I go in the direction of what I truly want...happiness follows me...it's always there and I don't have to chase it'.  Isn't that great?