Pulling out or Putting in

The blog that never came to be earlier this week (although it did seem to appear on my dad's email and I asked him to please not open it because I'm concerned that it was an incomplete rough draft and I'm embarrassed...I'm fairly certain he was relieved to not have to read another post - they do get a bit wordy) included the idea of 'pulling out' of young people when we teach instead of the mindset that we must 'put in' - and if the young people are not digesting and taking in what we adults are so desperately trying to get them to know then they are going to live a life of unknowing.  In past posts I mentioned the idea of cognitive behavior theory as it places a lot of the focus on thinking (cognition)... and then I offered the consideration that our thoughts, feelings, sensations and impulses are possibly all enmeshed (I think that idea was sparked in my mind by Mark William's book on mindfulness)...and then I pondered the idea that if it does all begin with a thought ('thought is the ancestor to every action' - says someone I can't remember...maybe a scientist...maybe a poet...I heard it from a slightly dated but recently purchased from amazon at a low price that multiplied to a high price with shipping PBS Wayne Dyer cd set) then what sparks the thought?  and my answer was: a belief - and often these beliefs are deeply rooted into our subconscious.  The belief 'I am not good enough' (because I have a single parent raising me on a retail store clerk salary and I need extra support in a school setting and my sibling spent time in a detention center and the majority of movies, television shows, and observation of family I have been exposed to has reinforced that this is not how one is deemed worthy - or 'fits in') sparks the thought 'I can't do this' or any myriad of limited thinking patterns.  If you are a mental health provider or have experience with trauma and its effects on the brain, or you are considering mental 'illness' - I do recognize that there are other considerations when discussing beliefs and thinking (and the energy created in a societal belief around what is considered to be mental illness and how that energy might contribute to and reinforce the self limiting beliefs, etc - another blog) and you are considering how that may play into all of this - you consider away and when working with young people and maladaptive thinking patterns that may be considered unsafe to self or others it definitely should be considered in context as we intervene in that situation.  I Am. going to go general here - yet in practice I hope to always be mindful of a broader scope.  Well darn, now my blog idea has shifted into considering how any limited belief can negatively influence the greater good (the no peeing section of a swimming pool) - and likewise how any inclusive belief can positively contribute to the greater good (positive energy having a higher frequency than negative energy - google your favorite scientist for more on that).  Alright...time to refocus...I wanted to consider kindness and if that is something that comes from within or that we gain from outside of our self.  I have several stories for reference - and they are my own interpretation of experiences I have observed or been involved in.  One observation was of a young person (maybe nine years old) and how a relative of this young person made a comment about the child's 'sweetness' after yet another snotty comment or action took place by the 9 year old, the adult relative said something like: 'She used to be sweet, but she's lost it now.'  Granted there is so much more context and I didn't clarify with the adult what she really meant - however, the vibe I got from my observation and experience with the persons involved in this situation was that the belief of the adult might have been that sweetness is a relative term  - one has it or they don't have it...it can be lost or found.  I'm certain if I had had a thoughtful and calm conversation with the adult that she would understand what I Am. suggesting.  The idea I Am. getting at is...Is kindness something we obtain or does it come from within - even though life circumstances may cause it to lie dormant?  A broader belief may be that that which truly is good is within all of us at our deepest core - and why?  Perhaps because when we experience these feelings it feels right or good...and what feels truly good (and contributes to the greater good) may be what is our nature.  The other story (and I recognize that my first story was kind of lame because I really don't want to 'call anyone out' for the sake of a story so I probably made too many allowances for the story to be all that compelling - no drama...no fun)...this other story is about a friend of mine...to protect her privacy we will call her Shanna.  I have known this person since ninth grade and she is the most genuinely kind person I know.  She has never claimed a religion nor has she chosen to get a master degree in an area of understanding people that includes ethics related to kindness - to my knowledge she does not read books on how to develop a kind heart nor does she pursue any extra efforts outside of herself related to being kind.  She is just simply kind - it's inherent (hm.  'in her' is in inherent...very cool because I was about to delete inherent and replace it with 'in her' but it's already there).  I on the other hand have spent at least the last twenty or more years seeking truth and authenticity when it comes to ideas such as kindness.  I have had my moments (and I do feel that I have been mostly transparent in my experience working with adolescents - that part does seem to be effortless with the exception of when I was an adolescent...but that's just one sub population).  So in my own experience I know that I was not kind all the time as a child growing up - that there were some mean spirited thoughts and actions that took place.  I know this because I Am. the person that experienced it from within.  I knew that authentic kindness was available because I had moments where I felt it or experienced it but I really had to make a conscious effort to have it raised to a distinct level of consciousness where it infused into the being I present.  Ohhhhhh....my point...my point?...If we have a belief that what we need is outside of us will we be led on some life long elusive chase for something we think is missing?  On the other hand, if our belief (and again - a belief so rooted that we have no doubt...none) is that what we need lies within...and it's just a matter of desiring to live consciously and allow what is inherent or in'his'ent to come forth ('the space within that is connected to the originating source of energy is where lie unlimited possibilities...creative ideas...and inspired thoughts' - a convoluted mishmash of a quote that might be Eckhard Tolle or Tara Brach...or we're all just trying to explain that same darn thing that simply can't be explained).  Enough.  You are consciously kind if you have read this far.  Summary:  when working with young people or when considering our own self development consider the possibility of 'pulling out' what is already there instead of the potentially limited belief that what we need is outside of us - 'putting in'.  Done.