Our Words

Grateful. Thankful. Excited.
These are the words that are often scribbled onto what I consider my journal writing to be.  Eight years ago I was headed into real deal depression.  I had just made a number of changes in my life - all seemingly positive.  I was just beginning graduate school and I was talking to one of the professors about what I was feeling (unclear that this was what depression was).  I boasted to him about all the journals I had kept for years...and how I could write (lament) for pages and pages and how the writing would just flow out of me.  With hand on chin, and scrutiny in his eyes, he suggested that I bring him some of my journal writing and maybe he could help me with what was going on.  In preparation for this encounter I thought I should actually read what I wrote in these journals just to get an idea of what he would see (as much as I would write in these journals I never read them).  I had just moved and had the collection of writings (again, that I was quite proud of....so many binders and pages of written word) all in one box.  I went to the box and started to pick through the pages and try to see what exactly I would be showing to him.  As I went through the journals, I quickly recognized that it was all the same story written over and over and over again!  It was full of negative repeated thought processes that had just been put into words.  Nowhere in these journals was a change in the energy behind the writings.  Sure, the entries ended with what I would do to make things better...but it was all repetitive...no evidence of purposeful change.  I threw them all away.  I stopped writing in journals.  When I began keeping a notebook again I intentionally chose to only write positive, affirming statements.  If you were to open my notebook today you would see a lot of hearts and a lot of scribble.  It has become a new practice for me to write the three words that began this post each in bubble lettering with hearts drawn around them.  I then often write the names of people who are on my mind with a heart around them as I send them positive mental thoughts/energy/messages at the same time.  Often the students that I am working closely with or who are in a class I am teaching will appear in the notebook each considered individually with hearts capturing the energy behind the scribble.  Two teachable skills can be considered here.  1.  The energy behind the language we use and the story we tell and retell.  2.  Positive mental messages and contributing to the greater good.  I do have lesson ideas created specifically for these skills and eventually I will have them available for others to download themselves if they are interested.  In an effort to type a shorter post I will attempt to quickly summarize the two ideas.  When we practice stillness and we learn to notice our attention and recognize thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses, we then are awake to, or conscious of, the energy that is being contributed to these potentially arbitrary things.  If you take a second to consider a toy that has fresh batteries to a toy that is almost out of battery - you can recognize the difference in the energy frequency.  You can also consider different ideas in your own mind right now and feel the difference in the energy in your body when one is choosing to use either high energy or low energy language.  'I can't - this will never happen.' compared to 'It's done.  This is so going to happen.'  Maybe those aren't the greatest examples - but you get it?  When we take time to be still and mindful we notice through our own choices the energy we are creating not only in our bodies but that of which we are contributing to the greater world around us (are we adding to that energy and contributing to the greater good or are we taking away?).  I referenced the person who wrote the book 'Search Inside Yourself' in a prior post whom (I assume - I should verify his name here...but this is my own blog creation...thank goodness) teaches Mindfulness within the Google corporation.  He talked about the three principles of mindfulness practice, self awareness, and positive mental notes being the three ways we can contribute to the idea of world peace (I'm paraphrasing...look him up yourself for any verification you may feel you need!).  The example he gave for positive mental notes was to send others messages in the form of thoughts/energy, an example of a specific message he shared was: 'I want you to be happy and not suffer.'  I added 'I love you' to the beginning of that message.  Imagine Popular Paula and Discounted Dan passing one another in the school hallway.  Discounted Dan has had to spend the summer in treatment where he learned this idea of positive mental energy/messages and learned to view his own self as magnificent.  Popular Paula was simply not affirming Discounted Dans presence in the hallway as the two were passing - as they were the only two in that area of the hallway.  Instead of unconsciously allowing the feeling of being unnoticed add to Discounted Dan's self concept....Discounted Dan consciously sent Popular Paula a mental message: 'I love you. I want you to be happy and not suffer.'  As Discounted Dan has learned to recognize the greatness in his own self...and Popular Paula may have not found the true depth of hers yet.