Living Above the Clouds

I was texting with a friend last night and I mentioned that I liked her use of emoticons.  She texted me back (within the appropriate amount of time that establishes true wit - ie. limited think time) she suggested that I should blog about it.  I thought that was funny.

Today's blog however will not be about emoticons, it will reflect on an SEL (social and emotional learning) lesson I taught yesterday.  In the mindfulness world that I have immersed myself in (both personally and as an educator) I have noticed there are a lot of familiar uses of symbolism when facilitating mindfulness.  Mindfulness is not something that is all that easy to teach - it is more something to be experienced.  Which is great because in education we have learned over and over that when a student is somehow able to experience the content of what is taught they supposedly have the highest rates of retaining the lesson concept.  Yet most of us continue to lecture...myself included...even thought we know it supposedly is least effective as far as students retaining the concept of the lesson.   Definition of insanity?

Back to mindfulness symbolism.  My best guess is that Thich Nhat Hanh is perhaps the originator of the popular uses of symbolism within the teaching or facilitating of mindfulness practice.  I also guess that he could care less that he is given any 'props' for being that originator.  'Living above the clouds' is this idea that when we practice being mindful we anchor our daily experiences in a space likened to the clear blue sky that presents itself after an airplane has flown through the 'clouds' or the 'weather'.  The clouds/weather can denote the 'head noise' or just the day to day experience that we can all be consumed by if we do not purposefully practice or seek stillness/awareness.  Let's also suggest here that mindfulness could be attained simply by standing in nature (that which is natural) and purposefully noticing our surroundings....creating our own experience with the present moment (I am reading Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zin - he mentions that second part...I'm also reading The Nature Principle - hence the first part of that last sentence).  

When we intentionally practice being mindful, being aware of our moment to moment experience with compassion (no judgement, ridicule or comparison) then we can experience our daily life 'above the clouds' observing the weather without being consumed by it.  The weather will still be present...inconsistent, untimely, and uninvited...however we learn to recognize it, observe it, and allow ourselves to acknowledge that it will indeed pass.  Another mindfulness consideration is that our life situation is still what it is.  We wake up, we take care of our daily responsibilities and manage our life situation.  Since we do this anyway would the experience be more meaningful if it were to unfold from a deeper space?  Would we have more control of our experience if we are aware of it in the present moment?  The present moment being the space where we can heal and grow... as opposed to being stuck in the past or future.

Living in the 'space above the clouds' allows us to co-create an experience that opens ourselves up to the idea that there is something more.  Within us lie inspired thoughts, creative ideas, and unlimited possibilities that are available to us when we rise above that which can dampen this awareness.

A few quotes from Tara Brach's book 'Radical Acceptance':

'As we feel our belonging to the natural rhythms of life, the illusion of being separate and threatened begins to dissolve.'

'Our deepest nature is awareness, and when we fully inhabit that, we love freely and are whole.'

Chade-Meng Tan: "Search Inside Yourself", Authors at Google

Our Words

Grateful. Thankful. Excited.
These are the words that are often scribbled onto what I consider my journal writing to be.  Eight years ago I was headed into real deal depression.  I had just made a number of changes in my life - all seemingly positive.  I was just beginning graduate school and I was talking to one of the professors about what I was feeling (unclear that this was what depression was).  I boasted to him about all the journals I had kept for years...and how I could write (lament) for pages and pages and how the writing would just flow out of me.  With hand on chin, and scrutiny in his eyes, he suggested that I bring him some of my journal writing and maybe he could help me with what was going on.  In preparation for this encounter I thought I should actually read what I wrote in these journals just to get an idea of what he would see (as much as I would write in these journals I never read them).  I had just moved and had the collection of writings (again, that I was quite proud of....so many binders and pages of written word) all in one box.  I went to the box and started to pick through the pages and try to see what exactly I would be showing to him.  As I went through the journals, I quickly recognized that it was all the same story written over and over and over again!  It was full of negative repeated thought processes that had just been put into words.  Nowhere in these journals was a change in the energy behind the writings.  Sure, the entries ended with what I would do to make things better...but it was all repetitive...no evidence of purposeful change.  I threw them all away.  I stopped writing in journals.  When I began keeping a notebook again I intentionally chose to only write positive, affirming statements.  If you were to open my notebook today you would see a lot of hearts and a lot of scribble.  It has become a new practice for me to write the three words that began this post each in bubble lettering with hearts drawn around them.  I then often write the names of people who are on my mind with a heart around them as I send them positive mental thoughts/energy/messages at the same time.  Often the students that I am working closely with or who are in a class I am teaching will appear in the notebook each considered individually with hearts capturing the energy behind the scribble.  Two teachable skills can be considered here.  1.  The energy behind the language we use and the story we tell and retell.  2.  Positive mental messages and contributing to the greater good.  I do have lesson ideas created specifically for these skills and eventually I will have them available for others to download themselves if they are interested.  In an effort to type a shorter post I will attempt to quickly summarize the two ideas.  When we practice stillness and we learn to notice our attention and recognize thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses, we then are awake to, or conscious of, the energy that is being contributed to these potentially arbitrary things.  If you take a second to consider a toy that has fresh batteries to a toy that is almost out of battery - you can recognize the difference in the energy frequency.  You can also consider different ideas in your own mind right now and feel the difference in the energy in your body when one is choosing to use either high energy or low energy language.  'I can't - this will never happen.' compared to 'It's done.  This is so going to happen.'  Maybe those aren't the greatest examples - but you get it?  When we take time to be still and mindful we notice through our own choices the energy we are creating not only in our bodies but that of which we are contributing to the greater world around us (are we adding to that energy and contributing to the greater good or are we taking away?).  I referenced the person who wrote the book 'Search Inside Yourself' in a prior post whom (I assume - I should verify his name here...but this is my own blog creation...thank goodness) teaches Mindfulness within the Google corporation.  He talked about the three principles of mindfulness practice, self awareness, and positive mental notes being the three ways we can contribute to the idea of world peace (I'm paraphrasing...look him up yourself for any verification you may feel you need!).  The example he gave for positive mental notes was to send others messages in the form of thoughts/energy, an example of a specific message he shared was: 'I want you to be happy and not suffer.'  I added 'I love you' to the beginning of that message.  Imagine Popular Paula and Discounted Dan passing one another in the school hallway.  Discounted Dan has had to spend the summer in treatment where he learned this idea of positive mental energy/messages and learned to view his own self as magnificent.  Popular Paula was simply not affirming Discounted Dans presence in the hallway as the two were passing - as they were the only two in that area of the hallway.  Instead of unconsciously allowing the feeling of being unnoticed add to Discounted Dan's self concept....Discounted Dan consciously sent Popular Paula a mental message: 'I love you. I want you to be happy and not suffer.'  As Discounted Dan has learned to recognize the greatness in his own self...and Popular Paula may have not found the true depth of hers yet.  

Self Development

"The ultimate truth of who I Am is not I am this or I am that but I Am."  says Eckhart Tolle.  I should probably hook up with these authors/books that I continue to cite on here and their publishing company or Amazon.  If I do so and you begin to notice ads and links to their websites then feel free to stop reading my blog if you consider me to be a 'sell out'.  I, on the other hand, do believe in abundance and do believe in paying off my credit card and school loan debt.  I also have been considering another idea about schools and mental health being considered charity work to some extinct.  Sometimes I feel as if those of us that work in these areas believe in what might be a socially contrived story that teachers don't teach for the money.  As long as that belief is entrenched in us then we will continue to earn a wage that seems like an inappropriate sum of money to live on.  I say this because it does seem that collectively those of us that live in developed countries tend to largely spend money on what is important to us.  If mental health and public education are important to us as a society then money might not be considered such an obstacle in getting those particular needs met.  As one that works in the school system my observation is that many teachers are impacted.  One's student/child may not appear to be directly impacted, but impacted teachers leave schools and teacher retention does seem to be a risk factor for education. It's not always the salary where the impact hits the most...it is also the resources offered to support the school environment - including perhaps how many teachers are hired...classroom size possibly being another risk factor.  I'm not one for controversy so I will stop discussing this now.  The title of this blog is self development.  An author I like is referred to as a leading expert in self development.  I like that word self development so I have begun to use it in what I Am teaching to students within the greater context of SEL (social and emotional learning).  I Am developing in my own teaching of self development and at this time I consider three areas of growth to measure with students to be awareness, acceptance, and compassion (all related to the idea of self - 'I'm angry.'  'I'm lonely,' 'I'm happy.'...who is this 'I' we speak of?).  Students have commented on this as the teaching of being 'stuck up' or 'self important'.  The idea I have right now is that we need to cultivate these areas within our self before we can express them to other living systems (humans, earth, animals, etc).  When working with young people who have been hurt by people I often add other living systems to consider when we discuss different concepts (if a person is hardened it seems they will shut down if you are suggesting to them they need to have compassion for others...it might be less invasive if you begin suggesting the idea of compassion and how it can be practiced with animals or the ecosystem).  The three areas of growth:  Awareness (noticing thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses), Acceptance (practicing present moment awareness and accepting things as they are in that moment), Compassion (without judgement, ridicule, or comparison).  A student that self harms may learn to notice an impulse to hurt him/herself...with practice the student is able to accept the experience the body is having...the student will learn to be aware and accept the impulse to harm self without judging the impulse (shame can be a piece of this), ridiculing (blame may play a part here), or comparing self to others (belief: I don't fit in).  Without learning how to notice what the body is experiencing in an effort to contribute to one's well being rather than take away from one's well being, a person may continue to allow a trigger (two students in the classroom are talking and I feel left out) to lead to a behavior (physical harm to self) and then feed the negative thought cycle (I don't fit in) to further perpetuate and contribute to a limited experience of life.  Can you see how the skills developed in mindfulness practice can help one create a better sense of control over one's life?  Just like practicing strength building exercises helps one become physically stronger, so too does mindfulness practice strengthen the 'attention muscle' (says Jon Kabat-Zinn...cha- ching$$).  Learning to pay attention to our emotions in the body will help us develop healthy interventions that will add to our life experience as opposed to taking away from the experience. One last thought that I will quickly touch on and then most likely add to in additional posts:  The corporate world seems to have bought into SEL and the idea of mindfulness as they have noticed its contributions to the end result of their success/earnings (see anything Daniel Goleman/Emotional Intelligence or Chade-Meng Tan with Google/Search Inside Yourself...or others).  The medical community seems to have bought into mindfulness practice too as they can't ignore the research and healing presented as evidence of effectiveness (see anything Jon Kabat- Zinn and his stress clinic or MBSR/MBCT...and there are other great medical doctors as well contributing to this research).  So being mindful and operating in the present moment adds to corporate success and medical healing...could it possibly contribute to learning and education?  I suppose if that is true we would have to believe that learning best takes place in the present moment...it does make sense.  Actually there seems to be a lot of effort toward bringing mindfulness into the schools.  A website called mindfulnessinschools.org was helpful to me this past school year...or just google mindfulness in schools and see what comes up as far as specific curriculums (I think there are several that are already considered to be 'evidence-based').  I would like to begin my own little effort with the teachers themselves and offer them the experience of mindfulness practice...and they can incorporate it within the classroom in a way that is natural and meaningful to them.  Let's teach the fullness of attention as opposed to diagnosing the deficit of it.

Pulling out or Putting in

The blog that never came to be earlier this week (although it did seem to appear on my dad's email and I asked him to please not open it because I'm concerned that it was an incomplete rough draft and I'm embarrassed...I'm fairly certain he was relieved to not have to read another post - they do get a bit wordy) included the idea of 'pulling out' of young people when we teach instead of the mindset that we must 'put in' - and if the young people are not digesting and taking in what we adults are so desperately trying to get them to know then they are going to live a life of unknowing.  In past posts I mentioned the idea of cognitive behavior theory as it places a lot of the focus on thinking (cognition)... and then I offered the consideration that our thoughts, feelings, sensations and impulses are possibly all enmeshed (I think that idea was sparked in my mind by Mark William's book on mindfulness)...and then I pondered the idea that if it does all begin with a thought ('thought is the ancestor to every action' - says someone I can't remember...maybe a scientist...maybe a poet...I heard it from a slightly dated but recently purchased from amazon at a low price that multiplied to a high price with shipping PBS Wayne Dyer cd set) then what sparks the thought?  and my answer was: a belief - and often these beliefs are deeply rooted into our subconscious.  The belief 'I am not good enough' (because I have a single parent raising me on a retail store clerk salary and I need extra support in a school setting and my sibling spent time in a detention center and the majority of movies, television shows, and observation of family I have been exposed to has reinforced that this is not how one is deemed worthy - or 'fits in') sparks the thought 'I can't do this' or any myriad of limited thinking patterns.  If you are a mental health provider or have experience with trauma and its effects on the brain, or you are considering mental 'illness' - I do recognize that there are other considerations when discussing beliefs and thinking (and the energy created in a societal belief around what is considered to be mental illness and how that energy might contribute to and reinforce the self limiting beliefs, etc - another blog) and you are considering how that may play into all of this - you consider away and when working with young people and maladaptive thinking patterns that may be considered unsafe to self or others it definitely should be considered in context as we intervene in that situation.  I Am. going to go general here - yet in practice I hope to always be mindful of a broader scope.  Well darn, now my blog idea has shifted into considering how any limited belief can negatively influence the greater good (the no peeing section of a swimming pool) - and likewise how any inclusive belief can positively contribute to the greater good (positive energy having a higher frequency than negative energy - google your favorite scientist for more on that).  Alright...time to refocus...I wanted to consider kindness and if that is something that comes from within or that we gain from outside of our self.  I have several stories for reference - and they are my own interpretation of experiences I have observed or been involved in.  One observation was of a young person (maybe nine years old) and how a relative of this young person made a comment about the child's 'sweetness' after yet another snotty comment or action took place by the 9 year old, the adult relative said something like: 'She used to be sweet, but she's lost it now.'  Granted there is so much more context and I didn't clarify with the adult what she really meant - however, the vibe I got from my observation and experience with the persons involved in this situation was that the belief of the adult might have been that sweetness is a relative term  - one has it or they don't have it...it can be lost or found.  I'm certain if I had had a thoughtful and calm conversation with the adult that she would understand what I Am. suggesting.  The idea I Am. getting at is...Is kindness something we obtain or does it come from within - even though life circumstances may cause it to lie dormant?  A broader belief may be that that which truly is good is within all of us at our deepest core - and why?  Perhaps because when we experience these feelings it feels right or good...and what feels truly good (and contributes to the greater good) may be what is our nature.  The other story (and I recognize that my first story was kind of lame because I really don't want to 'call anyone out' for the sake of a story so I probably made too many allowances for the story to be all that compelling - no drama...no fun)...this other story is about a friend of mine...to protect her privacy we will call her Shanna.  I have known this person since ninth grade and she is the most genuinely kind person I know.  She has never claimed a religion nor has she chosen to get a master degree in an area of understanding people that includes ethics related to kindness - to my knowledge she does not read books on how to develop a kind heart nor does she pursue any extra efforts outside of herself related to being kind.  She is just simply kind - it's inherent (hm.  'in her' is in inherent...very cool because I was about to delete inherent and replace it with 'in her' but it's already there).  I on the other hand have spent at least the last twenty or more years seeking truth and authenticity when it comes to ideas such as kindness.  I have had my moments (and I do feel that I have been mostly transparent in my experience working with adolescents - that part does seem to be effortless with the exception of when I was an adolescent...but that's just one sub population).  So in my own experience I know that I was not kind all the time as a child growing up - that there were some mean spirited thoughts and actions that took place.  I know this because I Am. the person that experienced it from within.  I knew that authentic kindness was available because I had moments where I felt it or experienced it but I really had to make a conscious effort to have it raised to a distinct level of consciousness where it infused into the being I present.  Ohhhhhh....my point...my point?...If we have a belief that what we need is outside of us will we be led on some life long elusive chase for something we think is missing?  On the other hand, if our belief (and again - a belief so rooted that we have no doubt...none) is that what we need lies within...and it's just a matter of desiring to live consciously and allow what is inherent or in'his'ent to come forth ('the space within that is connected to the originating source of energy is where lie unlimited possibilities...creative ideas...and inspired thoughts' - a convoluted mishmash of a quote that might be Eckhard Tolle or Tara Brach...or we're all just trying to explain that same darn thing that simply can't be explained).  Enough.  You are consciously kind if you have read this far.  Summary:  when working with young people or when considering our own self development consider the possibility of 'pulling out' what is already there instead of the potentially limited belief that what we need is outside of us - 'putting in'.  Done.

Taking one step forward

This morning I was considering how to create a meditation (visualization) for young people on the idea of taking a step forward into the unknown.  Meditation may sound a little concerning to some...I consider it just a word for stillness...stillness in the present moment where we can best create and be connected to our true self...the space within where great athletes and artists perform...the greatness that is within us all - whether we are parenting, cleaning, exercising, planting flowers, making a meal...or cake balls: being 'in the zone'.  So when one speaks of the Olympic sprinter Michael Johnson and his response to an interview question: 'What did it feel like to win?', and he responds: 'I have run (ran?) that race so many times in my mind, have finished that finish, and have created and experienced the energy of victory over and over in my imagination...I feel as if I have won the race many times over.'  I totally misquoted there in a grammatically incorrect way - but you get the idea of athletes and visualization...or performers/artists and visualization - I assume most of us accept this idea when it comes to the 'greats' - what about when it comes to our daily life? Can we apply this concept of imagining/visualizing to our relationships with others?...creating a comfortable living space?...managing finances or paying off debt?...healing?...addiction?...Can we apply this idea of imagining or visualizing what we want to the 'day to day' to co create a richer and more rewarding daily life experience?  Back to the idea that I started this post off with - creating a visualization around taking one step forward.  The idea behind this visualization is the image of a person standing on an edge...in front of the person is darkness (the unknown)...beside and behind the person is what is familiar - good or bad, it is still familiar...it is all that we know.  Clearly it is scary to take a step into the unknown - even if we are fairly certain it holds a more satisfying experience.  Here is where the idea of visualization comes in.  If we can create or imagine what we are walking into - and do so using our senses and creating the images and experience in our mind as opposed to thinking it...then perhaps taking that step may feel a bit more familiar?  In the last blog I considered the idea of adversity being what pushes us to take that step.  When what we know truly is comfortable...how likely are we (or why would we) venture into something we don't know?  The more adverse our life situation becomes...the more it will push and push and push until we give in and take that step.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau

 

Part of the Whole

Yesterday the blog I wrote didn't post.  Let me just tell you how advanced I Am. in my mindfulness practice.  I wrote the blog in the morning (it was the first one I wrote that I was unsettled with to start - I figured I had too much coffee...quite frankly I was getting a little too consumed with it all).  I was thinking about it all day and (I'll expose myself here) wondering why no one was reading it.  I met my family for dinner and my brother said 'Hey, couldn't read your blog today it wouldn't come up.'  So I went on to enjoy my time at dinner with everyone.  Okay, well...not exactly.  I was so irritated that the blog was messing with me that I couldn't get my mind off of it (not to mention that Dan ordered for everyone...I think there were four broccoli crowns that made up the entire vegetable offering...and of course everyone was raving about how good it all was....black sheep).  "Yes, young person students...I Am. your helper."  Anyhow, so now I Am. in a much more settled state and hope to write something inspired ('detached from the outcome').  My thought is the idea of a person being part of the whole.  When I Am. in a work setting I rely on a team.  One of the drawbacks when resources are cut from a school is the time available to consult with others.  I can see where this would seem excessive to tax payers.  However, I feel as if what I contribute is helpful and necessary - but not independent of others professional opinions.  One of the persons I worked most closely with was the security resource officer that worked within the school.  So you have social worker (the system is harmful to the individual) and police officer (the individual is harmful to the system) and I would like to say that we were seamless in how we worked with one another (this would also include the school administration and school security).  I respected what they did and they respected what I did.  I like to think that what I brought to the 'team' was a voice of compassion.  Compassion is something that everyone has so when one speaks up from that perspective (and the energy in the room is calm and not resistant) then people hear compassion.  Persons will do their job as it needs to be done under the construct of safety (and a young person who is experiencing psychosis is not safe in a building with 2000 students - they are scared and sick and need the right intervention and care) but they are mindful of compassion.  I never once felt that persons were not right in their heart when we worked as a team...and even when our ideology was different, when we had genuine respect for one another and saw our differences as necessary and that they allowed for a more realistic representation of how the world worked, then the outcome seemed to manifest in a positive direction for everyone involved.  I know of the idea about control and resistance, I can't explain it so well but I know of it:  control will always meet with resistance and the energy that it creates is not one that allows for progress.  The original post from yesterday was called 'The Book Didn't Come First'.  The main idea in the post was taken from one of my coaching analogies.  When I would teach a new skill to the players and they had a hard time understanding the mechanics of it, I would sometimes resort to this helpful (not exactly) comment: 'You know...the book didn't come first.'  I Am. way too broad in my conceptual view of life to be all that effective when it comes to explaining the basic mechanics of anything.  What I meant from the comment about the book is that the game was created and played long before books were written about how to play it.  When we learn to be mindful and aware of the present moment, then play comes from within...a natural ability to be in the moment and aligned with our inherent talent ('in the zone').  I also would (attempt) to offer another coaching analogy in meetings (not always well received in a time restricted setting), 'You know....there are many offenses that can win a game.' I need to take my dog for a walk and get on with my day, so I will let you 'chew' on that one.  Students and persons that are dealing with adversity may just be closer to true consciousness...an awakening to life...it's adversity that forces us to be present - closer to greatness or demise.  When you look at a young person who appears to be beyond intervention, and you consider this idea that that young person is on the brink of enlightenment, it lends an entirely different perspective to the caregiver or provider.  Or any person who may feel in despair faced with an adverse life situation...are we on the cusp of true consciousness?

Allowing for Stillness

To my mind the idea of meditation is stillness.  This summer I find that I actually need to put forth an effort to be still, or to 'meditate'.  During the school year I would get up super early and the natural stillness of the hour would allow for stillness within, exerting little to no effort.  Now I get up later and it's light out, the collective energy is high and there is noise everywhere it seems.  I find myself getting lost in thought again instead of getting lost in the beauty of the stillness surrounding me when I walk my dog (the hour I walk her now contains no natural stillness to get lost in).  People have asked me if I meditate everyday (actually I really only recall one person asking me that).  As a person that would prefer to not have a label on anything, I don't really have an answer for that question.  If meditate is just a word that describes intentionally creating stillness within then yes, I would like to think that I do this throughout the day on purpose.  Sometimes if I am really wound up I go for an intentional walk to breathe and notice the surroundings, lay on my bed (in a different angle than I would to go to sleep) and purposefully breathe and try to feel my body from within, or sit in a mindful way with my eyes closed and notice my breath.  I breathe constantly (uh...yeah...) 'I purposefully am conscious of my breath quite often' I should say - in the car, or when walking by myself anywhere.  I used to go to this vastly spacious dog park.  I noticed a man that was quite easy to notice.  He would often just be wearing shorts no matter what the weather.  He would also be moving his body in all sorts of ways that were different than you might say a typical person would move (do you see people practicing Tai Chi in parks?  - kind of like that but he would be moving - gaining ground - while doing it).  At this time in my life, I was aware enough in my consideration of others that I was mindful not to think this man to be weird and to go in a different direction, rather I was curious and wanted to know what he was doing and why he was doing it.  So one day we happened to come into one another's space and so I shared with him that I had observed him at the dog park/reservoir (this is a massive space with some elevation in parts and paths in all different directions - I could run off leash with my dog at least 4 miles if I stayed on the outer edges) and I suppose I must have just asked him why he moved like he did (with hardly any clothing on when others were wearing pants and jackets).  He responded to me in a thick Russian accent and I will summarize that which I can remember:  I was sick.  I drank vodka everyday all day.  I ate bad. I was told that I had not much time left to live.  I was given many bottles of medication to take everyday.  (At this point I'm not really sure how he went about his holistic healing - but lets just say he didn't take his medication and he changed his diet, activity level, and mindset).  This is what I most clearly remember him saying to me (he looked me in the eye and asked, again with the thick accent):  How long can you go without food? (Umm..I don't know....days?...weeks?...months?)  How long can you go without water? (Uh..well...um...days?...not sure...)  How long can you go without the breath? (minutes?)  And so his message to me and the answer he ultimately gave me was that he healed himself by believing in his own body's ability to heal itself (I would say belief being the key word here).  He wore few clothes because of the heat (energy) he created in his body as he consciously moved in ways that his body dictated (probably the same principles behind yoga and tai chi) as he consciously focused on his breath.  He was probably in his later 50's and he had no body fat.  Aside from appearing 'different' as you first notice him moving about the reservoir in his shorts and bare feet,  as you speak with him he did look quite healthy and fit.  My point in sharing this story is the idea behind the breath.  As far as our body and sickness and disease and suggesting that if we all moved wildly about in a spacious area and didn't take our medication that we would be healed - that is totally outside of my scope and I would hope to not be suggesting anything of that sort.  What I am suggesting is us to consider our breath.  I don't have the training or skill set to offer much more than that.  I first consciously noticed my breath when I became aware of what true anxiety was for the first time - oddly enough it was at the same dog park several years prior to when I met that man.  I was in graduate school and for the first time in my life I was being challenged in ways that I couldn't (or I finally chose not to) avoid, run from, or figure our how to detach myself in some way with some excuse or rely on some false belief system to help things make sense (poverty, privilege, culture, religion, politics, etc) or make things go away (the work load and expectations of the program).  I thought I was going to come out of my skin - it was awful...it was as if the only survival instinct I had was to breathe as deeply and fully as I possibly could and keep moving and waiting for it all to pass.  It sucked.  If nothing else, when we shift our attention or awareness to our breath we can shift it away from thinking and offer ourselves the opportunity to be fully present...to be in the now...to really notice the moment to moment experience...if the only time we can truly heal and be alive is in the present then it would seem we have no advantage to contribute to our well-being in a whole way when we are stuck in past or future - relying on some false belief ('I am not enough') that feeds our dysfunctional thinking cycle.  As we focus on our breath it allows us the freedom to be a witness to our thoughts, feelings, sensations and  impulses instead of seeking our identity in our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses.  "The mind itself is not dysfunctional.  Dysfunction sets in when you seek yourself in it in it and mistake it for who you are."  (Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now)

Considering Expectations

Recently there is a cover article in Time magazine on Americans and happiness.  Without even reading the article I made an assumption as to what the article was about and how I was going to compare mainstream ideas about happiness to the young people in alternative educational settings.  I think I read about half the article and (I think) that what it is saying (I could be wrong because I didn't finish it) is that how happy we are is in correlation with the level of our expectations around happiness.  I have heard this idea before which contributed to this assumption.  I recall sharing my original knowledge of this idea with others in sort of an 'I'm so clever to know this fact' kind of way instead of a mindful bewilderment about the idea and a 'how can I use this to add to my life or an other's life' kind of way.  So yesterday was an American holiday - personally I chose to celebrate the idea of independent thinking in my own little desire to be contrary to the majority... and subject myself to total contradiction in everything I do, think, and say...whatever.  So the first (it continued throughout the day) contradiction to my individuality was in my expectations around the celebration of the day as it concerned food.  I might just read a few too many food magazines (another contradiction if you are keeping score).  My expectations around the preparation and presentation of food on any given holiday or special event are OUT. OF. CONTROL. and completely unrealistic in every way imaginable.  These expectations continually leave me out on the sidelines as I scrutinize the unfolding of the days food events that at best are unattainable.  This is madness and the only salvation is humor at my own expense (my brother is totally on to me).  Yesterday as I was spitting out my friends lemon bar and secretly gloating as my brother tried to console my friend by telling her I had an advanced palate, I observed compassion.  Within minutes, everyone present ate a lemon bar and shared with my friend how good they thought they were.  What others noticed was the time it took to prepare something to bring to a gathering with loving intention, and that what was important was the gathering (not that the whipped cream came from the cow in the backyard).  I was out of sync the entire day and if I reflect on other holidays/events I would probably find that I am never fully present because of these silly expectations around how things 'should' go.  I want to share a few thoughts that grounded me this morning:  What do you really want?  This is the title of the first lesson in the series of eight that I created as part of the I Am. curriculum.  I start with this consideration (my apologies for another food analogy):  Imagine that someone told you that you could go into the grocery story and get anything you wanted...what would you get?  My lesson idea is that if we don't really know what we want we will gravitate toward the same thing we always get.  I use this example because I do this all the time in the grocery - I think I'm this creative chef yet I always get the same thing (I can expand on this in many different ways - not now).  So I ask the students (and myself) 'What do you really want?'.  This activity can be likened to finding the lowest common denominator in a math problem...keep asking 'what do you really want?' until it becomes something simple and intangible (this allows for other lesson ideas in using high energy/low energy language as well as ideas about what is tangible and intangible).  To go back to the original story about my unrealistic expectations at gatherings with family and friends, the lowest common denominator (should be) connectedness or creating and allowing for a sense of belonging.  When I finally noticed great change in my inner life was when I gave up all these ideas about what would make me 'happy' and surrendered to peace.  Exasperated with dissatisfaction, I figuratively threw both my hands up in the air and said to myself 'Okay fine!  You win!  All I want is peace within...that's all.'  And that's what came...at least on days that are not considered holidays or events.  I heard a story told about an alley cat.  The alley cat stumbled upon esteemed cat chasing its tail.  The alley cat asked esteemed cat what it was doing.  Esteemed cat said 'I was told that happiness is found in my tail, and so if I can just grab on to my tail I will find it and never let go'.  Alley cat said 'Yeah I have heard that same thing.  However, my experiences may be a little different than yours.  What I have learned is that if I go in the direction of what I truly want...happiness follows me...it's always there and I don't have to chase it'.  Isn't that great?

Challenge Limiting Beliefs

Hm.  To blog or to take awesome and amazing dog for walk?  I'm blogging - or I'll lose the day to the swimming pool (no worries - Keeley will get a walk...it will just be a little warmer outside and she will refresh herself by laying in the dirty street water).  Several years ago when I was feeling uncertain of the professional direction I was headed (not really the profession - if that includes working with young people - but rather how I was going about it) I focused my attention on what I really wanted:  To inspire and empower young people to feel important (originally it was 'worthwhile') by teaching skills and co-creating opportunities.  It became my personal mission statement that I could return to when I felt I was lacking purpose and/or direction.  This tagline is now expanding to include TEACHERS/PROVIDERS of young people.  Where my heart has always been open and engaged with young people, it is now stretching its expanse to the providers for these young people.  If the provider is worn out and lacking purposeful energy so goes the instruction time.  This class that I speak of teaching was sorely lacking fourth quarter as I succumbed to the exhaustion that went into creating it.  The last few blogs had to do with noticing our thinking, feelings, sensations and impulses.  Today I want to suggest that if the 'thought is the ancestor to any action' then what fuels the thought?  I will answer my question with 'a belief'.  If our belief (whether conscious or unconscious) is limiting (I teach a lesson on the use of high energy and low energy language) than our efforts to intervene with the situation will be limited.  I say situation because I believe in the intrinsic worth and dignity of a human being (it's my favorite social work ethic) - so where the situation may be difficult, the individual involved is a human being - worthy of dignity, love, and respect. This belief can be challenging.  However, it is a belief - as deeply entrenched in my core as 'water is wet'.  If the core of my being believes in this idea, than regardless of my actions it is still my core belief.  Simply put - I can have a bad day, run my mouth, be judgemental...yet, if it is my intrinsic belief that people matter, than ultimately that energy is still the undercurrent - it is still ever present.  If you work with young people, perhaps you have noticed that they have a tendency to respond to adults like an animal might respond to a human.  It doesn't matter what comes out of your mouth, if they feel a negative energy coming from the adult that is rooted deep within the adults belief system, that is ultimately what they react to.  They can respond in a variety of ways...but they will react to the energy.  If I were a science person I could probably say all this in a scientific way that would make more sense.  If my core belief is 'you matter', than even if I'm going in a gazillion different directions, that young person might recognize that I lack organizational skills, but will not doubt my belief in them (even if some structural things need to change so that I can help them best by being present).  Clear as mud?  If you have children (I do not) than I suggest considering your love for them and then all the things you have said and done on the surface that seem unloving - yet the young person does not doubt the love because it is an undercurrent, an energy that seeps from you because it is a deeply held belief:  I love you.  You matter.  My suggestion to the people who are reading this that work with young people in the school system and have time off this summer...the best thing that we can do (more than attending conferences, reading books, or writing blogs) is to realign and reevaluate our belief system:  Do we believe that young people matter?  No doubts...is that our core belief?  If that is our core belief than we are effective in the job we do.

Noticing...Body Sensations

Good morning...or should I say GREAT morning!  I am sitting at my favorite coffee shop - The Mug Shot Cafe in Breckenridge, Colorado.  I am also coming off of an almost 36 hour mountain stretch that has my creative thinking process in overdrive.  Of the many considerations I would love to discuss, I Am. going to focus on mindfulness and body sensations.  I Am. self taught in the area of mindfulness practice.  If you are interested in learning more please google anything Jon Kabat Zinn or Mark Williams (or check out my I Am. LLC page on Facebook where I have downloaded some helpful YouTube videos on a variety of ideas that have to do with self development).  If you want to be certified/trained in teaching mindfulness practice it is available - look into MBSR or MBCT (mindfulness based stress reduction or cognitive therapy - there are also several school programs; .b and Mind Up to name just a few).  If you want to start on your own self first I suggest the book Mindfulness:  Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman.  When I first considered the curriculum for the class Problem Solving Skills that I teach at an alternative school, I was basing the skill set off of cognitive behavior theory - CBT (at this point I consider mindfulness a skill/practice that is taught experientially and lends itself to awareness which complements CBT).  It is my experience that CBT is often considered to be an effective approach when working with maladjusted young people - so I thought that I would base my course off of it for credibility purposes - and knowledge of its effectiveness.  So here I Am., teaching this idea that thoughts contribute to feelings which fuel behavior and it all leads to the results we are getting in our life....and if we can change our thoughts we can ultimately create a more manageable life experience.  BTW, if you work with students in an alternative school setting I suggest staying away from the word 'positive' - they tend to assume you are just another adult that thinks if we just think 'positive' everything will be better - and that the adult has no clue about the pain and dissatisfaction that the young person is truly experiencing.  Most likely, a student in the class will say 'yeah!  if you think positive then life will be positive' - much better coming from the peer than you (is my opinion).  Anyway, the more I was teaching CBT alongside mindfulness practice I started to gain a better idea of how body sensations are a big part of this whole process/cycle to be mindful of in an effort to gain control of self (to empower self) - and that the cycle of thoughts, feelings, behavior is more enmeshed than it is linear (this was new to me).  I also came to the present understanding that if we can learn to notice our thoughts, feelings, body sensations and impulses (much like we are watching it all on television) it contributes to a greater satisfaction in our moment to moment experience.  A simple example would be:  It's a hot morning and I'm far from home, dog is thirsty and I have to go the bathroom - BADLY.  I angrily pull back dog from barking at another dog.  I feel guilty for pulling her so hard.  I start to get the impulse to cry which creates more negative energy.  I no longer feel motivated to do what I had intended to for the day.  At this point I just want to go home and be by myself.  You can imagine the variety of thoughts that could go through my head as I walk toward home: why didn't I get up earlier when I know it's going to be this hot?...poor Keeley, she's just a sweet dog - I'm awful...I miss walking on trails, why did I move to the city...I spend too much on my place...I have so much debt and will never pay it off...why does life have to be so complicated all the time...why do I have to complicate it all the time?).  Now apply mindfulness practice:  I'm noticing the body is hot (sensation).  I notice the feeling of irritability.  I notice the impulse to pull back my dog harder than necessary.  At this point I can watch what is going on (and it can be comical as you recognize how silly it all is) and I now can manage my thoughts instead of my thoughts managing me.  The mindfulness books all talk about how thoughts, feelings, body sensations and impulses can all be likened to the weather - just as weather patterns continually change so do our emotions.  The sensation of being hot does not have to lead to feelings of worthlessness.  A student in a classroom that is aware that their impulse to shut down is just an impulse that will go away is an empowering realization.  Fear is a huge trigger to a multitude of thoughts that can take away from our moment to moment experience on a regular basis.  A quote from the Williams/Penman book:  'This is what emotions are; they're like a background color that's created when your mind fuses together all of your thoughts, feelings, impulses and bodily sensations to conjure up an overall guiding theme or state of mind'.  "I am limited and unsatisfied" is not the theme I want my life unconsciously driven by.  I choose to use mindfulness practice (awareness, acceptance and compassion of/toward self) that won me my life back as the tool that will inspire and empower young people to feel important. Lastly, whether you are wanting to measure growth with your own progress, an individual, or that of a classroom, it's really simple to use a 1 - 10 rating scale on each category: self awareness, acceptance of what is, and compassion toward self.  Compassion can be defined as no judgement, ridicule or comparison (ie.  I notice that I Am. angry...  period - no judgement, no ridicule, no comparison).  Lastly, a quote from Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now: "Anything that is done with negative energy will become contaminated by it and in time give rise to more pain, more unhappiness.'  -- think of how much life we lose when we do this unconsciously?