Self Care

Hi Blog.  This blog follows three prior blogs titled 'Considering...'.  Speaking of which, my dad was reading out loud the titles of the blogs on the phone to me (nothing like hearing: 'I am SO excited to be writing....I am SO excited to be...I am SO...in a comical tone - insert humility that only family can provide).  So, as he is reading the titles out loud, kind of under his breath...'Considering...'...'Considering'....'Considering'...he then says a bit louder 'Why consider...just do it'.  I'd like to think that he was missing the context of what the blogs were written about.  So today I am purposely dropping the 'Considering' as I discuss the absolute necessity of self care.  "We can't give from an empty vessel or drink from an empty well.  When we walk this earth with a light heart and a joyful spirit, we bring a special radiance wherever we go."  I can think of countless examples where this concept of self care has been so overlooked (self care might just be synonymous with overlooked - or guilt).  Mindfulness practice has changed my life and has in turn been the most effective skill I have yet to teach to teens.  When persons have asked me: 'What is mindfulness?',  I usually get through the first part of a sentence ('So glad you asked, mindfulness is being still...') and then I am promptly interrupted and given the wave of the hand, 'Oh I could never do that, I am always thinking'.  If you work with young people that are having a difficult time with existence in general, and you ask 'do you sleep well?' - the answer is almost always the same as they give you the wide eyed look, 'No...I can't stop thinking'.  Mindfulness practice may be a term, and there may be some specific ways to practice (so that the clinical people can publish research) - however, I can be mindful (present) while drinking my hot caffeine in the morning (duality of speeding up to slow down - ha)...walking my dog....taking a shower...having a conversation - it's simply being present to life in the moment....  Noticing the beloved coffee mug in your hand...listening to the slurp tones...feeling the familiar warmth as it fills your body...ahhhhhh - I'm fairly certain that morning coffee is not included in the clinical studies. Mindfulness also seems to have a natural place in a school setting (if teacher's 'mind' is on an early morning argument with spouse and student is concentrating on attractive other that they walked by in the hallway before class, how present are we to teach and to learn?) - "Mindfulness is training the muscle of attention." A mental health provider sent out an email toward the end of the year to all MH providers: 'Does anyone have the information on self care that I can forward to all staff?'.  I'm certain what this person was looking for was a list of specific resources for joining health clubs, yoga classes, weight loss, etc..  Of course I found the email to be comical and telling...do we really need a list of ways to take care of our'self'?  It's the same as listening to coworkers discuss how much they worked that week (the tone is often one of acceptance - or submission - that we 'work' at the expense of all else because that's just the way it is).  Several of us were asked to present to the staff information on how to handle grief in the classroom.  I chose to talk about self care with the idea that if we learn to be present to life then it has the potential to offer clarity in difficult or uncomfortable situations (to be present with others and self when we hurt, to know when we need to seek help or take time off, to feel our feelings rather than think our feelings...).  Perhaps we can all encourage one another as we offer compassion toward our'self' - we cannot give something away that we don't have.  Let's not consider taking care of our'self'....let's do it.

Self Reflection questions:

1.  Is there evidence in your life of the persons you are closest to are also the persons who understand you and appreciate you the least?  Yes or no, why is that?

2.  Is there someone in your life whose lifestyle and attitude embody the quote:  "We can't give from an empty vessel or drink from an empty well.  When we walk this earth with a light heart and a joyful spirit, we bring a special radiance wherever we go."  What strategies and skills does this person allow for in his/her life?  Could you allow for similar strategies and skills in your own life?  Would you?  If so, when?

3.  How do you define self care?  Is the definition different for your own self than it is for others?  Yes or no, why is that?

4.  How do you seek time for stillness in your own life?  Could you create space and time to draw attention to breath and simply be in the moment for some time each day?  Would you?  If so, when?

5.  Create three opportunities to spend time with your 'self' today.  Do it.

Considering...Mental Health in Schools

First of all, I am SO EXCITED writing this blog.  If any of you have considered to do the same (start a blog)...stop considering and just do it...it's restorative among other things (except that I am not telling you what to do...btw it is really challenging to maintain impartiality when sharing an opinion on a post - yet humorous).  I get all giddy inside when I see that someone I love/respect (same thing?) 'liked' my post - and that someone read it!  I began this blog with kind of an 'organic' view (to wait and see what comes out naturally)...clearly I Am. gravitating toward what I Am. passionate about - Social and Emotional Learning for teens (I say teens because that is the population that I have always worked with - and they do tend to get overlooked it seems...I LOVE them!!!!).  If you work with teens - or alongside teens - or live with teens....the reason I use the word 'considering' is that I learned/observed that teens (and maybe all persons) like the energy that the word 'consider' creates.  No one likes to be talked down to or made to feel that that there is something missing in their life that this wonderful adult (or otherwise noteworthy person - by self definition or other) is certain to fill them in on.  To give a young person (flirting with independent thought - and craving identity) the opportunity to 'consider' an idea rather than be 'told' (an idea?) is empowering (says I).  To empower a young person is the genius and the simplicity behind social and emotional learning.  The reason that I say simplicity is that if we are conscious (awake to the present moment) it is simple to empower a young person (acknowledge them...hear them...be present with them).  This is just an idea to 'consider' - clearly there are reasons young people have parents and other adults involved in their well being (insert frontal lobe research here).  I'm wondering if you 'noticed' (see idea about mindfulness practice) the energy about this 'reading' - if I were to not use the words 'idea' and 'consider' and just inferred: 'this is how we should teach teens...this is the absolute right way to approach them...and I know because I have worked with them for over fifteen years'.  I can imagine some of us immediately go into 'argue' mode because it's our nature -- or speaking of nature, some of us might just go into 'this is fact' mode and adjust their beliefs accordingly until they read something else contrary but well said, others will start judging themselves: "OMG I did it all wrong!!!", and so on.  You get this...but we may not notice that we do this unless we consider being conscious and awake to our impulses, body sensations, thoughts and feelings.  I Am. now going to return to the title of this blog:  considering mental health in schools.  Just the other day I read an article about a teacher whose son died by suicide (I found it on the .b fanpage if you are interested).  The article was followed by comments that were largely suggesting that teachers should be more intentional about teaching SEL in schools.  One brave soul commented that if teachers were to do their craft and teach their subject with mastery then mental health in schools would not be such an issue - you get where I'm going with this:  "school is not a mental health facility".  As a school social worker, you may think that I would counter this consideration.  Yet, I totally get what this teacher is saying.  Teachers become teachers because they want to spark an interest and contribute to the understanding of the subject area they choose to focus on (among other reasons I'm sure).  Some teachers naturally want to care for and heal students that are hurt, lonely, confused, etc. (I was that teacher...and so I earned a Master in Social Work).  Can you imagine the 22 year old passionate Math teacher that truly feels their purpose is to help students 'get' Math, and s/he notices death threats written on a homework assignment, or is witnessing a student carving on their arm with the protractor or sharpened lead pencil while the teacher is teaching an inspired lesson they stayed up all night to create?  With that said, it is fairly clear that one's emotions impact their ability to learn.  So perhaps our mindset should be 'both/and' v. 'either/or' (?).  One school I read about in Anchorage, Alaska (see CASEL website and publications - or a video that I linked to my I Am. page) has a social development class required for all students with the emphasis on Well Being placed at the same level as core subjects like Math and Science.  The urban public schools (okay, I am speaking for Denver) seem to  coordinate well with medical and mental health agencies and house them in some schools.  So...here's a paradigm shift consideration:  schools house the young people that many other youth agencies (okay, duh, all 'youth' agencies) serve...what are those agencies doing during the day while the young people they serve are in the school building the majority of working hours?  I know in the district I work in the students have 'off periods'.  Parents - would it be helpful for students to meet with certain intervention services during the day?  This is all just consideration...it's one view.  In the state of Colorado we have 'juvenile diversion'...I LOVE juvenile diversion - they truly want to intervene and contribute to skill development to help divert the young person from the legal system.  However, when the students do get in trouble with the law, often their consequences and the subsequent consequences on behalf of the caregiver can became overwhelming and greatly interfere with school (not to mention the caregivers risk of losing their job which only adds to juvenile 'risk' factors) - certainly not the intention of a 'diversion' program.  Alright, I'm going to lasso in here (speaking of lasso - being mindful of the use of 'figures of speech' when working with young people and a growing rate of autism is another post).  Alright, that's all for now.  I so appreciate you reading this - and I know you did if you see this!  Again - it's just  'considering mental health in schools'. So... is it something to consider?

Self Reflection questions:

1.  Is there something you have wanted to do and have yet to begin it?  (A fortune cookie says: 'It's time to gather info for the project that you have delayed.')

2.  Do you notice the language you choose to use?  Is it inviting and does it allow for autonomy of the receiver?  Is it controlling?  Could you change the language you use?  Would you change it?  When? (the last three questions are inspired from the 'Sedona Method')

3.  Read the third sentence again if you like.  Do you have situations and daily life experiences that validate you?  Does the situation/experience add to your life and those around you or does it limit you in any way?  (For example:  We all need to be validated and approved to feel a sense of belonging and significance.  However, we may make choices that limit us as far as how we go about receiving this validation.  ie: excessive preoccupation with social media, inappropriate flirtations, exaggerating/embellishing truths, time spent exercising, time spent 'working' outside of contracted hours, etc.)

4.  How are you empowering your own self and addressing your own social and emotional needs?  (revisit the idea that we cannot give to someone else what we don't have ourself)

5.  Are you open to the idea that addressing one's own social and emotional needs sets the foundation for addressing the social and emotional needs of our children?  Could you take the time to satisfy and grow your 'self' today?  If so, how?  When?

Considering Duality

It's so interesting...the idea that we change when we need to change rather than when we just want to change.  In only the last month (not even) I have run (sprinted) off the high dive (head first) into this pool of social media that I have only really observed over the last...I think it was maybe seven years ago that I recall someone suggesting Facebook to me (?).  Just moments ago I received a message that I was 'followed' on a twitter account that I have not 'tweeted' on (impressed?).  I have created a Facebook fan page, a LinkedIn account, maybe a YouTube account (not totally sure what I got myself into there), and the beginnings of a GooglePlus account (which I'm thinking might streamline all the others - maybe?).  A friend last night suggested that I might consider talking to a 'tech person'...you think?  So, much like all the fun, funny, mind bending powers of the idea of duality, here I am moving forward with a true passion for teaching the skill of mindfulness (and much of the urgency toward the growing need for this skill is a direct result of our preoccupation with technology and yet it's that very same technology that I'm eagerly exploiting as I move my idea forward).  'My idea' is largely complemented by the mass of information I receive so conveniently off the internet - in addition to other forms of media (ie. books!! books!!  more books!!) - speaking of duality, as I read and write my way into social and emotional learning, I am quite aware that the student audience I target often do not read and write well and yet they learn to interpret/create meaning in other ways which I have learned is just as effective and worthwhile, if not moreso in some circumstances.  More on that idea in another post. Anyway, this morning I came home from my doggie walk/run more unsettled than when I began.  So I laid on my bed and found a meditation on my phone to get into a 'better space'.  A modern day Taoist?  If you are already interested in the considerations of mindfulness and other ideas that naturally align with being still, then you may be laughing to yourself because you too constantly notice humorous examples of duality in your own life OR you may be reminding yourself to be non judgmental while your ego is saying 'duh!'.  If you are one who doesn't really consider ideas of duality then just wait...you may subtlety begin to take notice. I just looked up duality on my phone (much like moments ago I looked up judgmental to see if I spelled it right...which is another story) and a simple definition says 'As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil'.  It has been my experience that many students in the classes/groups I facilitated this past school year (I taught a Problem Solving Skills class at an alternative high school and ran a social emotional skill building group at a traditional high school for students at risk of failing and typically not attached to school) the majority tend to love considering ideas such as 'duality'.  At risk of sounded horribly stereotypical, at times I imagine what students enjoy in 'smoking circles' and my assumption is that they enjoy the insights and considerations of ideas not typically considered when we are in our autopilot mode of the day to day.  My most satisfying feedback from students is when you see their eyes perhaps squint a bit as they look away in an upward direction with a slight tilt of the chin and scrunch of the mouth as they take ownership of their own ability to consider what was shared by the instructor.  Whether they choose to agree or disagree is their decision, but isn't it our job to get them to notice?

Self Reflection questions:

1.  Consider the difference between 'needing to change' and 'wanting to change.'  What would it take to go from simply 'wanting' to 'needing'?  Can a person intentionally change a 'want to' into a 'need to'? Would it allow for different results?

2.  How could practicing stillness (or mindfulness) help one see a need for a change?

3.  Consider duality.  Are you often contradicting yourself?  Are you willing to be vulnerable and accept opposites?  Do opposites create reality?

4.  Is there a space of stillness within that is non dualistic?  (no opposition, no opposing force)

5.  Can peace within be possible in such a fast paced existence?  Can we allow for and create space for 'both, and' as opposed to 'either,or'?

6.  How can one use technology for contemplative practices?

7.  How do you know when you have 'taught'? (see last two sentences)