Dear adults that include this writer...
Suicide.
What an ugly word.
Child Suicide.
We have a problem.
We can choose to be vulnerable and express how powerless it makes us feel.
We can be courageous and choose to look for solutions.
Why is our defense to blame?
We blame ourselves, we blame others, we blame a system.
Blame is so reliable.
This may sound extreme but nationally claiming that young people who do mean things are causing other kids to kill themselves is not an answer.
According to Dorothy Espelage, a researcher out of the University of Illinois who studies bullying, if I heard her correctly she stated that no bully prevention program (or any prevention program for that matter) is effective without a strong foundation of social and emotional skills.
So with that information it seems that a logical solution is to teach or embed social and emotional skills like self and social awareness, self management, relationship skills, and decision-making in schools. The people in the schools that have the best understanding of social and emotional learning or SEL (mental health providers including counselors, psychologists, and social workers) are not trained to teach nor were they hired for that purpose, and the teachers are overwhelmed with a job that is already unrealistic and to suggest that they teach SEL only seems to add to the problem of feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed.
Do you recall a bumper sticker that read 'Focus on your own damn family?' Well how about if we start a solution beginning with: Focus on your own damn self.
Self care.
We cannot give someone something that we don't have ourselves.
Let's collectively get out of the trance that we all contribute to where it's as if we are speaking and living a life that is scripted by a society that we help to create by not allowing ourself or choosing not to be present in our experience. When we are present we search inside ourself for solutions...we stop blaming. Brene Brown has almost two million hits on her TED talk on shame. She says that courage is the antidote for shame...and that vulnerability is courage.
Can we choose to be vulnerable with one another and work toward solutions as a community of caring people that teach children to choose life? Let's sell life by creating one that is our own...one that triumphs in courage and in truth. A life that allows for stillness and seeks peace in a deeper space of knowing...a deeper space that may always remain a mystery for the living - yet continues to be a source of inspiration when we choose to dwell in it. I used to wear a t-shirt when I was a kid that I got from the local community center - it said 'Life. Be in it.' I didn't understand what it meant at the time. Now I do.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
The Story We Tell
Have you ever been in a social situation where you feel as if you are standing outside of yourself observing the conversation you are having? As you observe you may have your hand on your chin, gently shaking your head back and forth with a bit of a disappointed smirk on your face...this story, again?
As a child growing up with two brothers I quickly learned that if I could make fun of myself first then I won - they had nothing on me. This early entry into self deprecating humor was a brilliant survival tactic at the time, however it wasn't until much later I saw it as a habit that had the potential to limit me.
I knew I was passionate about the students I worked with right away. I knew that I desired nothing more in the profession than to really make a positive impact on the student. Certainly my efforts weren't always the most effective and many times I reacted to the situation, but I knew the intent that was in my heart. Looking back I really see the truth in the statement 'children (people) won't remember what you said...they'll remember how you made them feel.' I have come to recognize the power of the energy within us that comes from the truth we hold. When we believe in the intrinsic dignity and worth of a human being, no matter whether it be failure or success in how the message is delivered...the energy will stay the course - the feeling is there. Life seems to have a way of getting your attention when the outside doesn't match the inside...it might be called internal or external chaos. At least that was true in my case.
I say this because I often wasn't taken seriously in my professional efforts. It hurt me inside because I knew how passionate I truly was. However, I was the one that constantly reinforced this self deprecating 'story' that I was (this is a bit dramatic) a 'joke'. People will treat us the way we present ourselves. I suppose this contradicts what I said earlier about 'others will feel the energy of the truth within you' regardless of what you present. I will clarify that a bit by saying others will feel that energy when mindful and present with you in the moment. We (choose) to live in such a fast paced surface of a world that we become this brain research of mimickry. My thought is that if we don't intentionally practice present moment awareness than others will quickly receive their interaction with us based on how we present ourself in that moment.
If we have not taken the opportunity to consider the story we tell and the language we use to tell it, then we may be living a life that is created by us and then reinforced by others based on our own false or unexamined perception. We create their perception (?)
Where am I and how did I get this far off the original topic?
The fourth lesson in the I Am curriculum is High energy v. Low energy language. Take a moment to consider the story you tell...does it add to your experience or take away? I'm not sure there is any person who works with adolescents whom hasn't heard some version of 'I have a horrible life.' What version do we tell with that same theme? If we know the passion that lives within us, why don't we tell that story? Practice creating a story of the life you desire by beginning with one or more of the following sentence starters: I am...I have...I allow...I can.
I want to introduce a trio of acronyms that I created to help remind us to tap into our personal power. OWN the experience (allow what is without trying to control anything) in the NOW (allow yourself to have the experience of the present moment)...you WON - you are empowered to manage your life experience. The acronyms are all the same letters that represent the words: Observe, Witness, Notice. Be in your experience. As you pay attention to the inner experience it can increase your capacity to live your same life from a deeper space of being or knowing. It can also be quite comical as you observe yourself and the 'story' you tell - ie. "OMG...seriously?...I am totally trying to impress this person right now...."
As we learn to allow the experience to be what it is and allow ourself to connect to that deeper space we tap into the creativity, inspiration, and possibilities that reside in that deeper space. The following are the first and last verses from a popular poem, Our Deepest Fear:
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.'
'And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.'
As an adult might have told us while growing up: You don't need to make anything up. Just tell the truth.
As a child growing up with two brothers I quickly learned that if I could make fun of myself first then I won - they had nothing on me. This early entry into self deprecating humor was a brilliant survival tactic at the time, however it wasn't until much later I saw it as a habit that had the potential to limit me.
I knew I was passionate about the students I worked with right away. I knew that I desired nothing more in the profession than to really make a positive impact on the student. Certainly my efforts weren't always the most effective and many times I reacted to the situation, but I knew the intent that was in my heart. Looking back I really see the truth in the statement 'children (people) won't remember what you said...they'll remember how you made them feel.' I have come to recognize the power of the energy within us that comes from the truth we hold. When we believe in the intrinsic dignity and worth of a human being, no matter whether it be failure or success in how the message is delivered...the energy will stay the course - the feeling is there. Life seems to have a way of getting your attention when the outside doesn't match the inside...it might be called internal or external chaos. At least that was true in my case.
I say this because I often wasn't taken seriously in my professional efforts. It hurt me inside because I knew how passionate I truly was. However, I was the one that constantly reinforced this self deprecating 'story' that I was (this is a bit dramatic) a 'joke'. People will treat us the way we present ourselves. I suppose this contradicts what I said earlier about 'others will feel the energy of the truth within you' regardless of what you present. I will clarify that a bit by saying others will feel that energy when mindful and present with you in the moment. We (choose) to live in such a fast paced surface of a world that we become this brain research of mimickry. My thought is that if we don't intentionally practice present moment awareness than others will quickly receive their interaction with us based on how we present ourself in that moment.
If we have not taken the opportunity to consider the story we tell and the language we use to tell it, then we may be living a life that is created by us and then reinforced by others based on our own false or unexamined perception. We create their perception (?)
Where am I and how did I get this far off the original topic?
The fourth lesson in the I Am curriculum is High energy v. Low energy language. Take a moment to consider the story you tell...does it add to your experience or take away? I'm not sure there is any person who works with adolescents whom hasn't heard some version of 'I have a horrible life.' What version do we tell with that same theme? If we know the passion that lives within us, why don't we tell that story? Practice creating a story of the life you desire by beginning with one or more of the following sentence starters: I am...I have...I allow...I can.
I want to introduce a trio of acronyms that I created to help remind us to tap into our personal power. OWN the experience (allow what is without trying to control anything) in the NOW (allow yourself to have the experience of the present moment)...you WON - you are empowered to manage your life experience. The acronyms are all the same letters that represent the words: Observe, Witness, Notice. Be in your experience. As you pay attention to the inner experience it can increase your capacity to live your same life from a deeper space of being or knowing. It can also be quite comical as you observe yourself and the 'story' you tell - ie. "OMG...seriously?...I am totally trying to impress this person right now...."
As we learn to allow the experience to be what it is and allow ourself to connect to that deeper space we tap into the creativity, inspiration, and possibilities that reside in that deeper space. The following are the first and last verses from a popular poem, Our Deepest Fear:
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.'
'And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.'
As an adult might have told us while growing up: You don't need to make anything up. Just tell the truth.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
What do I really want?
Let's assume that you and I are having lunch together. Let's also assume that one of the reasons we decided to get together was because you feel 'stuck'...a general state of feeling dissatisfied and unsure of what options you have to get 'unstuck'. So at this lunch, I look at you and ask you: "What do you really want?" Your immediate reaction is to answer my question, yet as you try to speak you (once again) are 'stuck'...you assumed you had a ready answer for the question...you don't.
My experience is that most of us assume we know what we want but we really haven't given the idea much conscious thought. Perhaps the reason we continue to lead lives that may include too much distraction and subtle dissatisfaction is partly due to this unexamined idea of: What do I really want?
The third lesson in the I Am curriculum examines this question: What do I really want? The students begin with a mindfulness practice that brings their awareness into the present moment. 'I heal and grow in the present moment.' You may do this at home by taking three breaths and repeating the following to yourself: 'I breathe in I follow my in breath...I breathe out I follow my out breath.'
The mindfulness practice is followed by some sort of affirmation or validation of life (song lyrics, poetry, youtube clip, movie reference, artwork, quote, personal experience, etc.). At the elementary level I just started calling this piece: 'I'm okay.' At home you may have all sorts of motivational quotes available for your viewing - have you ever really allowed yourself to consider and imagine the words as a true reflection in your life experience? What would it look like...feel like...to live the art we showcase?
Following the affirmation are connecting questions that get the students to consider related ideas that contribute toward the life skill (What do I really want? is basically a version of goal setting which is the 'life skill' being taught). At the end of this post are three considerations that may be helpful to entertain in this little segment. You can create guiding questions that allow you to reflect on the ideas presented.
It's a bit difficult to design this blog for a broad audience. Obviously I want to engage others who teach social and emotional learning. However, social and emotional learning is helpful for all persons. Setting aside some time in stillness each day to consider ideas that contribute to one's self development is a good idea. The I Am curriculum could easily be used as a guide for personal self reflection or it could be a 'dinner table' tool for families.
As a class activity, we take our idea of what we really want and break it down to something that is intangible - 'I want to feel a sense of freedom within my self', 'a sense of calm in my being', 'inner peace', etc. Next we look for images in magazines that represent this desire and glue them onto paper or cardboard - or onto a folder that collects other class activities as well. Vision boards tend to be somewhat popular and the reason is they work! We are bringing an awareness of what we want into our consciousness. Have you ever bought a new car and then notice that particular car everywhere? Have you ever been in love (infatuated may be a better term here) and see 'look-a-likes' everywhere? 'What we think about we bring about.' This vision board can become part of your mindfulness practice. Use your senses to create or imagine the 'wish fulfilled.' Wishes Fulfilled is a book by Wayne Dyer which I haven't read yet. I do have a quote on my personal vision board by Dr Dyer that reads: 'Make your future dream a present fact by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.'
A few other considerations:
Let's assume that all persons want to feel a sense of belonging and a feeling of significance. These ideas are in a book called 'Positive Discipline' by Jane Nelson (I think the first edition was in the 80's - a friend suggested this book to me as I began working with younger students this school year). The book is referring to children wanting to feel a sense of belonging and significance...I assume that is the same for all persons.
Can you feel these statements as truth within your being:
'I Am. Capable.'
'I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.'
'I can influence what happens to me.'
Perhaps you now can consider the original question from a deeper space...What do you really want?
My experience is that most of us assume we know what we want but we really haven't given the idea much conscious thought. Perhaps the reason we continue to lead lives that may include too much distraction and subtle dissatisfaction is partly due to this unexamined idea of: What do I really want?
The third lesson in the I Am curriculum examines this question: What do I really want? The students begin with a mindfulness practice that brings their awareness into the present moment. 'I heal and grow in the present moment.' You may do this at home by taking three breaths and repeating the following to yourself: 'I breathe in I follow my in breath...I breathe out I follow my out breath.'
The mindfulness practice is followed by some sort of affirmation or validation of life (song lyrics, poetry, youtube clip, movie reference, artwork, quote, personal experience, etc.). At the elementary level I just started calling this piece: 'I'm okay.' At home you may have all sorts of motivational quotes available for your viewing - have you ever really allowed yourself to consider and imagine the words as a true reflection in your life experience? What would it look like...feel like...to live the art we showcase?
Following the affirmation are connecting questions that get the students to consider related ideas that contribute toward the life skill (What do I really want? is basically a version of goal setting which is the 'life skill' being taught). At the end of this post are three considerations that may be helpful to entertain in this little segment. You can create guiding questions that allow you to reflect on the ideas presented.
It's a bit difficult to design this blog for a broad audience. Obviously I want to engage others who teach social and emotional learning. However, social and emotional learning is helpful for all persons. Setting aside some time in stillness each day to consider ideas that contribute to one's self development is a good idea. The I Am curriculum could easily be used as a guide for personal self reflection or it could be a 'dinner table' tool for families.
As a class activity, we take our idea of what we really want and break it down to something that is intangible - 'I want to feel a sense of freedom within my self', 'a sense of calm in my being', 'inner peace', etc. Next we look for images in magazines that represent this desire and glue them onto paper or cardboard - or onto a folder that collects other class activities as well. Vision boards tend to be somewhat popular and the reason is they work! We are bringing an awareness of what we want into our consciousness. Have you ever bought a new car and then notice that particular car everywhere? Have you ever been in love (infatuated may be a better term here) and see 'look-a-likes' everywhere? 'What we think about we bring about.' This vision board can become part of your mindfulness practice. Use your senses to create or imagine the 'wish fulfilled.' Wishes Fulfilled is a book by Wayne Dyer which I haven't read yet. I do have a quote on my personal vision board by Dr Dyer that reads: 'Make your future dream a present fact by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.'
A few other considerations:
Let's assume that all persons want to feel a sense of belonging and a feeling of significance. These ideas are in a book called 'Positive Discipline' by Jane Nelson (I think the first edition was in the 80's - a friend suggested this book to me as I began working with younger students this school year). The book is referring to children wanting to feel a sense of belonging and significance...I assume that is the same for all persons.
Can you feel these statements as truth within your being:
'I Am. Capable.'
'I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.'
'I can influence what happens to me.'
Perhaps you now can consider the original question from a deeper space...What do you really want?
Monday, September 9, 2013
Managing FITS
Are your FITS in charge?
Last week we spoke (I am referring to the class I currently teach the I Am curriculum to) about FITS. FITS is just an acronym for feelings, impulses, thoughts, and sensations. I recently concluded that I teach subjectively and experientially - not based on any absolutes. So please read my ideas on FITS with an open mind. I consider myself to incorporate everything and anything into my teaching that I have found meaningful in my own life (don't we all do this?). It's funny how life is, as soon as I settled on this 'subjective' approach to teaching I was brought back to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People/Teens that talks about the principles that govern us in spite of what our beliefs are (ie. absolutes). Funny.
I used to facilitate SEL (social emotional learning) lessons based on the idea that 'thoughts' trigger 'feelings/emotions' which dictate 'behavior' and then ultimately lead to the 'results' we get in life. I now facilitate the idea that when we intentionally practice being mindful or still (present in our body experiencing the moment) we bring awareness to our body and notice FITS. As we learn to identify FITS we start to recognize how our FITS play off of one another as if they are a bit enmeshed especially when we aren't mindful of their independent roles.
For example.... How many of us have allowed a pet or a child under the age of three to upset us? To upset us in a way that we believed the child or pet purposely did something to us to intentionally receive the reaction we gave them (?). What if we were instead reacting to the FITS concept? A two year old tells us to go away or clings to their parent when we approach. What reaction may we be having in our body? And which happens first? A feeling of rejection could lead to an impulse to leave the situation (sometimes this may be a good reaction, however an adult leaving a two year olds birthday party would not be so cool). A sensation may flood our body - the same sensation we had at sixteen when we were rejected by 'the crush.' The sensation could create, reinforce, or contribute to feelings of unworthiness that (if not intervened upon) will now trigger thoughts from the past or possibly the future (now we aren't in the present moment anymore) that will feed the feeling of rejection and contribute to an overall sense of 'I don't matter.' Yuck. What if our FITS are just part of being human and responding to our own energy and that of the collective whole? What if our FITS constitute what we refer to as our 'emotion' and we 'emote' based on our experience of the FITS? What if the FITS can just be allowed? What if we can learn to observe FITS and purposely allow for the experience with the idea that when we give up control we give up resistance which can disempower the whole process? Does a two year old really have the power to limit us? If you like, return to the beginning of this paragraph and create your own personal example of the FITS idea. Have you ever limited your life experience by reacting to FITS?
Our FITS will govern our life experience if we do not intentionally practice being mindful of our 'inner being.' We are the mayor of Self town. The FITS belong in the town but they need to be put in their rightful place. When we are aware of FITS and allow them to be as they are with intention to release that which limits us and our life experience in any way, we can then use this awareness for purpose. Used constructively, FITS can empower us by willfully contributing to creative ideas, inspired thinking, and unlimited possibilities.
'Everyone has a capacity for greatness that transcends anything they've been taught to believe.'
'Your appointment with life is always in the present.'
Last week we spoke (I am referring to the class I currently teach the I Am curriculum to) about FITS. FITS is just an acronym for feelings, impulses, thoughts, and sensations. I recently concluded that I teach subjectively and experientially - not based on any absolutes. So please read my ideas on FITS with an open mind. I consider myself to incorporate everything and anything into my teaching that I have found meaningful in my own life (don't we all do this?). It's funny how life is, as soon as I settled on this 'subjective' approach to teaching I was brought back to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People/Teens that talks about the principles that govern us in spite of what our beliefs are (ie. absolutes). Funny.
I used to facilitate SEL (social emotional learning) lessons based on the idea that 'thoughts' trigger 'feelings/emotions' which dictate 'behavior' and then ultimately lead to the 'results' we get in life. I now facilitate the idea that when we intentionally practice being mindful or still (present in our body experiencing the moment) we bring awareness to our body and notice FITS. As we learn to identify FITS we start to recognize how our FITS play off of one another as if they are a bit enmeshed especially when we aren't mindful of their independent roles.
For example.... How many of us have allowed a pet or a child under the age of three to upset us? To upset us in a way that we believed the child or pet purposely did something to us to intentionally receive the reaction we gave them (?). What if we were instead reacting to the FITS concept? A two year old tells us to go away or clings to their parent when we approach. What reaction may we be having in our body? And which happens first? A feeling of rejection could lead to an impulse to leave the situation (sometimes this may be a good reaction, however an adult leaving a two year olds birthday party would not be so cool). A sensation may flood our body - the same sensation we had at sixteen when we were rejected by 'the crush.' The sensation could create, reinforce, or contribute to feelings of unworthiness that (if not intervened upon) will now trigger thoughts from the past or possibly the future (now we aren't in the present moment anymore) that will feed the feeling of rejection and contribute to an overall sense of 'I don't matter.' Yuck. What if our FITS are just part of being human and responding to our own energy and that of the collective whole? What if our FITS constitute what we refer to as our 'emotion' and we 'emote' based on our experience of the FITS? What if the FITS can just be allowed? What if we can learn to observe FITS and purposely allow for the experience with the idea that when we give up control we give up resistance which can disempower the whole process? Does a two year old really have the power to limit us? If you like, return to the beginning of this paragraph and create your own personal example of the FITS idea. Have you ever limited your life experience by reacting to FITS?
Our FITS will govern our life experience if we do not intentionally practice being mindful of our 'inner being.' We are the mayor of Self town. The FITS belong in the town but they need to be put in their rightful place. When we are aware of FITS and allow them to be as they are with intention to release that which limits us and our life experience in any way, we can then use this awareness for purpose. Used constructively, FITS can empower us by willfully contributing to creative ideas, inspired thinking, and unlimited possibilities.
'Everyone has a capacity for greatness that transcends anything they've been taught to believe.'
'Your appointment with life is always in the present.'
Monday, September 2, 2013
Self Awareness
Are you self aware?
This past week I was introducing the I Am curriculum to a new group of students. It's only the third time I have officially taught the curriculum as a class offering and of course the lessons are constantly evolving. Ironically it is the students who teach me how to teach my own ideas. I come up with an idea and place it into a classroom lesson format I produced for simplicity sake and then I use my own version of mindfulness and applied thinking (that of which I teach to students) and use my imagination as I conduct/create/expand upon the lesson in my mind. It rarely ever goes as I imagine. I look forward to getting in front of the students and failing as I have come to rely on that being the only way to really learn how to facilitate a useful lesson!
Anyway, this past week we were discussing the three areas we would focus on to measure our individual growth for the class. Self Awareness, Self Acceptance (or acceptance of what is), and Compassion for Self. I provided a short definition for each targeted area and then as a class we were going to define what a person would look like in each area depending on how they were rated. So there was a 1 to 10 continuum drawn for each area with a 'one' needing growth in the area and a '10' essentially mastering the area. We began with the area of Self Awareness. The responses the students were suggesting made it sound as if a '10' was a perfect person and a '1' was a not so perfect person. I was writing down on the board the phrases they were sharing as a way to define a '1' or a '10' (or anywhere in between) as if I were in a trance. All of a sudden I realized that this was not what I wanted them to understand about self awareness. The idea of self awareness I wanted them to consider had nothing to do with perfection, it just has to do with awareness - independent of the decision one makes.
As one practices mindfulness one typically begins by drawing awareness (or attention) to the breath. Imagine yourself breathing in through every pore of your skin. As you are breathing in through the pores in your skin, imagine all the oxygen coming into your belly, or your center. Imagine that this core area is your life force. When you practice this, you begin to notice your mind and body as functions to experience life with rather than as the sole essence of your life experience.
As we practice mindfulness we begin to notice (become aware of or draw our attention to) our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses. As we practice this awareness we may begin to feel more in control of our experience. We also may learn that thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses can be fleeting - they come and they go. As we learn to notice simple things like the impulse to make a comment to impress someone else, and we practice sitting with the impulse (noticing any feelings, sensations, or thoughts that may also be present) and releasing the impulse...subsequent feelings...thoughts...body sensations (sitting with the temporary discomfort and noticing it pass), that practice can create a new habit and allow us more space inside ourselves to invest in more purposeful and meaningful ways of interacting with others.
Perhaps if we learn to be aware of our inner life then our outer life will take care of itself. In reference to the class lesson, we spent our next session together talking about self awareness of self awareness. A '10' may just be the willingness to practice noticing our inner experience...and to accept what we notice in the present moment as it is...with compassion - no judgement, no ridicule, and no comparison.
"Our deepest nature is awareness, and when we fully inhabit that, we love freely and are whole."
"Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance."
Tara Brach (Radical Acceptance)
This past week I was introducing the I Am curriculum to a new group of students. It's only the third time I have officially taught the curriculum as a class offering and of course the lessons are constantly evolving. Ironically it is the students who teach me how to teach my own ideas. I come up with an idea and place it into a classroom lesson format I produced for simplicity sake and then I use my own version of mindfulness and applied thinking (that of which I teach to students) and use my imagination as I conduct/create/expand upon the lesson in my mind. It rarely ever goes as I imagine. I look forward to getting in front of the students and failing as I have come to rely on that being the only way to really learn how to facilitate a useful lesson!
Anyway, this past week we were discussing the three areas we would focus on to measure our individual growth for the class. Self Awareness, Self Acceptance (or acceptance of what is), and Compassion for Self. I provided a short definition for each targeted area and then as a class we were going to define what a person would look like in each area depending on how they were rated. So there was a 1 to 10 continuum drawn for each area with a 'one' needing growth in the area and a '10' essentially mastering the area. We began with the area of Self Awareness. The responses the students were suggesting made it sound as if a '10' was a perfect person and a '1' was a not so perfect person. I was writing down on the board the phrases they were sharing as a way to define a '1' or a '10' (or anywhere in between) as if I were in a trance. All of a sudden I realized that this was not what I wanted them to understand about self awareness. The idea of self awareness I wanted them to consider had nothing to do with perfection, it just has to do with awareness - independent of the decision one makes.
As one practices mindfulness one typically begins by drawing awareness (or attention) to the breath. Imagine yourself breathing in through every pore of your skin. As you are breathing in through the pores in your skin, imagine all the oxygen coming into your belly, or your center. Imagine that this core area is your life force. When you practice this, you begin to notice your mind and body as functions to experience life with rather than as the sole essence of your life experience.
As we practice mindfulness we begin to notice (become aware of or draw our attention to) our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses. As we practice this awareness we may begin to feel more in control of our experience. We also may learn that thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses can be fleeting - they come and they go. As we learn to notice simple things like the impulse to make a comment to impress someone else, and we practice sitting with the impulse (noticing any feelings, sensations, or thoughts that may also be present) and releasing the impulse...subsequent feelings...thoughts...body sensations (sitting with the temporary discomfort and noticing it pass), that practice can create a new habit and allow us more space inside ourselves to invest in more purposeful and meaningful ways of interacting with others.
Perhaps if we learn to be aware of our inner life then our outer life will take care of itself. In reference to the class lesson, we spent our next session together talking about self awareness of self awareness. A '10' may just be the willingness to practice noticing our inner experience...and to accept what we notice in the present moment as it is...with compassion - no judgement, no ridicule, and no comparison.
"Our deepest nature is awareness, and when we fully inhabit that, we love freely and are whole."
"Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance."
Tara Brach (Radical Acceptance)
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