My favorite book is Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. When I read it for the first time it was as if she had been the editor of my inner life - a life that hadn't been articulated that well. In the first part of the book she wrote something so simple...it went something like this: 'If the world religions would all come together and combine (she might have used a different word) their beliefs, wouldn't that bring us closer to what we're all looking for?' That's grossly summarized...but it really made sense to me. If we had an inclusive approach to our collective ideas about 'wondering' (as opposed to absolute knowing) perhaps things might be a bit more peaceful.
This summer I attended a retreat called 'Mindfulness in Education.' After I signed up for the retreat I found out that Thich Nhat Hanh was going to be the person leading the retreat. If you begin practicing mindfulness it doesn't take long before a google search leads you to a book by Thich Nhat Hanh or Jon Kabat Zinn. What I didn't know was that Thich Nhat Hanh was a Zen master and that Zen Buddhism was a lifestyle encapsulated at these retreats. I'm certain that is somewhat misstated, but it was a cultural immersion for certain.
Anyhow, I am going to attempt to summarize a lesson I was taught at the retreat. I am going to do this 'free-style' from my own assumed interpretation of what I learned. I do not practice any form of Buddhism (in fairness, 'mindfulness' comes from a principle within the Buddhist philosophy) and my first true experience with the philosophy/religion was this past August at the retreat. I have no intentions of claiming the religion. I have no desire to claim any religion at this time in my life. I claim peace within my being...compassion in my heart. TNH is really just a global peace activist cleverly disguised as a buddhist monk (wink).
TNH taught about ill being (suffering) and well being, and a path that leads either way. He talked about the power of meditation, or 'looking deeper.' He said that when you look deep into your suffering or ill being you will find well being...one cannot be without the other. When the source of nutriment is cut off from ill being, well being will present itself. He said 'nothing can survive without food.' He shared four different ways we feed our 'being':
1. Edible food. He mentioned the amount of grain used to feed animals and to make alcohol that could feed our entire nation. I eat meat and drink alc...well, wait...he didn't say anything about grapes. Anyway, it makes you think. Are our food choices feeding the path toward well being or ill being? 'Eat in such a way that grows compassion in our hearts not pain.'
2. Sensory Impressions. This is everything we take in through our senses. All forms of media and technology would obviously be included. Are we intoxicating ourselves by our consumption...by what we choose to ingest through our eyes and ears? He tells a story of a cow with skin disease that has lost its defense against harmful toxins from the outside. He says that when we practice mindfulness and look deeper it acts as our skin and protects us from things that cause harm.
3. Volition. He defined volition as our deepest desire. What do you want to do with your life? He drew a continuum with one side being violence, anger, and despair (money, sex, power) and the other side compassion and understanding (protecting children and nurturing the earth). What are we feeding when we dig into the deeper parts of our hidden desires? Or are we neutral? What part do we play in contributing to the collective energy on our planet? 'The mind of enlightenment is to protect and help humanity and other living beings.'
4. Consciousness. I interpreted this as self awareness...'living deeply in the present moment.' He talked about individual, mental, and stored consciousness. Stored consciousness being in the past...that we have a habit of going into the past and suffering all over again and again: 'the past becomes a prison...films of past suffering being shown over and over in the dark corner of consciousness.' He speaks of the danger of a society that inhabits the collective energy of fear, anger, and despair. Practice breathing and calming to find nourishment in the present moment. (It's a great idea to seek mental health support as you explore the 'dark corner' and allow yourself some time to work through what the body may have internalized as 'trauma').
TNH says that mindful consumption through 'right view' is the way out. He speaks of an eight fold path that begins with mindfulness that nourishes concentration and insight to lead to a right view. Right view then allows for right action, right thought, and right speech which all contribute to our livelihood and what we choose to do with our life and 'selective watering' - the seeds we choose to water (feed).
Understanding and compassion can heal the world.
Look deep within.
Nourish the self.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Life. Be in it.
Dear adults that include this writer...
Suicide.
What an ugly word.
Child Suicide.
We have a problem.
We can choose to be vulnerable and express how powerless it makes us feel.
We can be courageous and choose to look for solutions.
Why is our defense to blame?
We blame ourselves, we blame others, we blame a system.
Blame is so reliable.
This may sound extreme but nationally claiming that young people who do mean things are causing other kids to kill themselves is not an answer.
According to Dorothy Espelage, a researcher out of the University of Illinois who studies bullying, if I heard her correctly she stated that no bully prevention program (or any prevention program for that matter) is effective without a strong foundation of social and emotional skills.
So with that information it seems that a logical solution is to teach or embed social and emotional skills like self and social awareness, self management, relationship skills, and decision-making in schools. The people in the schools that have the best understanding of social and emotional learning or SEL (mental health providers including counselors, psychologists, and social workers) are not trained to teach nor were they hired for that purpose, and the teachers are overwhelmed with a job that is already unrealistic and to suggest that they teach SEL only seems to add to the problem of feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed.
Do you recall a bumper sticker that read 'Focus on your own damn family?' Well how about if we start a solution beginning with: Focus on your own damn self.
Self care.
We cannot give someone something that we don't have ourselves.
Let's collectively get out of the trance that we all contribute to where it's as if we are speaking and living a life that is scripted by a society that we help to create by not allowing ourself or choosing not to be present in our experience. When we are present we search inside ourself for solutions...we stop blaming. Brene Brown has almost two million hits on her TED talk on shame. She says that courage is the antidote for shame...and that vulnerability is courage.
Can we choose to be vulnerable with one another and work toward solutions as a community of caring people that teach children to choose life? Let's sell life by creating one that is our own...one that triumphs in courage and in truth. A life that allows for stillness and seeks peace in a deeper space of knowing...a deeper space that may always remain a mystery for the living - yet continues to be a source of inspiration when we choose to dwell in it. I used to wear a t-shirt when I was a kid that I got from the local community center - it said 'Life. Be in it.' I didn't understand what it meant at the time. Now I do.
Suicide.
What an ugly word.
Child Suicide.
We have a problem.
We can choose to be vulnerable and express how powerless it makes us feel.
We can be courageous and choose to look for solutions.
Why is our defense to blame?
We blame ourselves, we blame others, we blame a system.
Blame is so reliable.
This may sound extreme but nationally claiming that young people who do mean things are causing other kids to kill themselves is not an answer.
According to Dorothy Espelage, a researcher out of the University of Illinois who studies bullying, if I heard her correctly she stated that no bully prevention program (or any prevention program for that matter) is effective without a strong foundation of social and emotional skills.
So with that information it seems that a logical solution is to teach or embed social and emotional skills like self and social awareness, self management, relationship skills, and decision-making in schools. The people in the schools that have the best understanding of social and emotional learning or SEL (mental health providers including counselors, psychologists, and social workers) are not trained to teach nor were they hired for that purpose, and the teachers are overwhelmed with a job that is already unrealistic and to suggest that they teach SEL only seems to add to the problem of feeling underappreciated and overwhelmed.
Do you recall a bumper sticker that read 'Focus on your own damn family?' Well how about if we start a solution beginning with: Focus on your own damn self.
Self care.
We cannot give someone something that we don't have ourselves.
Let's collectively get out of the trance that we all contribute to where it's as if we are speaking and living a life that is scripted by a society that we help to create by not allowing ourself or choosing not to be present in our experience. When we are present we search inside ourself for solutions...we stop blaming. Brene Brown has almost two million hits on her TED talk on shame. She says that courage is the antidote for shame...and that vulnerability is courage.
Can we choose to be vulnerable with one another and work toward solutions as a community of caring people that teach children to choose life? Let's sell life by creating one that is our own...one that triumphs in courage and in truth. A life that allows for stillness and seeks peace in a deeper space of knowing...a deeper space that may always remain a mystery for the living - yet continues to be a source of inspiration when we choose to dwell in it. I used to wear a t-shirt when I was a kid that I got from the local community center - it said 'Life. Be in it.' I didn't understand what it meant at the time. Now I do.
Monday, September 23, 2013
The Story We Tell
Have you ever been in a social situation where you feel as if you are standing outside of yourself observing the conversation you are having? As you observe you may have your hand on your chin, gently shaking your head back and forth with a bit of a disappointed smirk on your face...this story, again?
As a child growing up with two brothers I quickly learned that if I could make fun of myself first then I won - they had nothing on me. This early entry into self deprecating humor was a brilliant survival tactic at the time, however it wasn't until much later I saw it as a habit that had the potential to limit me.
I knew I was passionate about the students I worked with right away. I knew that I desired nothing more in the profession than to really make a positive impact on the student. Certainly my efforts weren't always the most effective and many times I reacted to the situation, but I knew the intent that was in my heart. Looking back I really see the truth in the statement 'children (people) won't remember what you said...they'll remember how you made them feel.' I have come to recognize the power of the energy within us that comes from the truth we hold. When we believe in the intrinsic dignity and worth of a human being, no matter whether it be failure or success in how the message is delivered...the energy will stay the course - the feeling is there. Life seems to have a way of getting your attention when the outside doesn't match the inside...it might be called internal or external chaos. At least that was true in my case.
I say this because I often wasn't taken seriously in my professional efforts. It hurt me inside because I knew how passionate I truly was. However, I was the one that constantly reinforced this self deprecating 'story' that I was (this is a bit dramatic) a 'joke'. People will treat us the way we present ourselves. I suppose this contradicts what I said earlier about 'others will feel the energy of the truth within you' regardless of what you present. I will clarify that a bit by saying others will feel that energy when mindful and present with you in the moment. We (choose) to live in such a fast paced surface of a world that we become this brain research of mimickry. My thought is that if we don't intentionally practice present moment awareness than others will quickly receive their interaction with us based on how we present ourself in that moment.
If we have not taken the opportunity to consider the story we tell and the language we use to tell it, then we may be living a life that is created by us and then reinforced by others based on our own false or unexamined perception. We create their perception (?)
Where am I and how did I get this far off the original topic?
The fourth lesson in the I Am curriculum is High energy v. Low energy language. Take a moment to consider the story you tell...does it add to your experience or take away? I'm not sure there is any person who works with adolescents whom hasn't heard some version of 'I have a horrible life.' What version do we tell with that same theme? If we know the passion that lives within us, why don't we tell that story? Practice creating a story of the life you desire by beginning with one or more of the following sentence starters: I am...I have...I allow...I can.
I want to introduce a trio of acronyms that I created to help remind us to tap into our personal power. OWN the experience (allow what is without trying to control anything) in the NOW (allow yourself to have the experience of the present moment)...you WON - you are empowered to manage your life experience. The acronyms are all the same letters that represent the words: Observe, Witness, Notice. Be in your experience. As you pay attention to the inner experience it can increase your capacity to live your same life from a deeper space of being or knowing. It can also be quite comical as you observe yourself and the 'story' you tell - ie. "OMG...seriously?...I am totally trying to impress this person right now...."
As we learn to allow the experience to be what it is and allow ourself to connect to that deeper space we tap into the creativity, inspiration, and possibilities that reside in that deeper space. The following are the first and last verses from a popular poem, Our Deepest Fear:
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.'
'And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.'
As an adult might have told us while growing up: You don't need to make anything up. Just tell the truth.
As a child growing up with two brothers I quickly learned that if I could make fun of myself first then I won - they had nothing on me. This early entry into self deprecating humor was a brilliant survival tactic at the time, however it wasn't until much later I saw it as a habit that had the potential to limit me.
I knew I was passionate about the students I worked with right away. I knew that I desired nothing more in the profession than to really make a positive impact on the student. Certainly my efforts weren't always the most effective and many times I reacted to the situation, but I knew the intent that was in my heart. Looking back I really see the truth in the statement 'children (people) won't remember what you said...they'll remember how you made them feel.' I have come to recognize the power of the energy within us that comes from the truth we hold. When we believe in the intrinsic dignity and worth of a human being, no matter whether it be failure or success in how the message is delivered...the energy will stay the course - the feeling is there. Life seems to have a way of getting your attention when the outside doesn't match the inside...it might be called internal or external chaos. At least that was true in my case.
I say this because I often wasn't taken seriously in my professional efforts. It hurt me inside because I knew how passionate I truly was. However, I was the one that constantly reinforced this self deprecating 'story' that I was (this is a bit dramatic) a 'joke'. People will treat us the way we present ourselves. I suppose this contradicts what I said earlier about 'others will feel the energy of the truth within you' regardless of what you present. I will clarify that a bit by saying others will feel that energy when mindful and present with you in the moment. We (choose) to live in such a fast paced surface of a world that we become this brain research of mimickry. My thought is that if we don't intentionally practice present moment awareness than others will quickly receive their interaction with us based on how we present ourself in that moment.
If we have not taken the opportunity to consider the story we tell and the language we use to tell it, then we may be living a life that is created by us and then reinforced by others based on our own false or unexamined perception. We create their perception (?)
Where am I and how did I get this far off the original topic?
The fourth lesson in the I Am curriculum is High energy v. Low energy language. Take a moment to consider the story you tell...does it add to your experience or take away? I'm not sure there is any person who works with adolescents whom hasn't heard some version of 'I have a horrible life.' What version do we tell with that same theme? If we know the passion that lives within us, why don't we tell that story? Practice creating a story of the life you desire by beginning with one or more of the following sentence starters: I am...I have...I allow...I can.
I want to introduce a trio of acronyms that I created to help remind us to tap into our personal power. OWN the experience (allow what is without trying to control anything) in the NOW (allow yourself to have the experience of the present moment)...you WON - you are empowered to manage your life experience. The acronyms are all the same letters that represent the words: Observe, Witness, Notice. Be in your experience. As you pay attention to the inner experience it can increase your capacity to live your same life from a deeper space of being or knowing. It can also be quite comical as you observe yourself and the 'story' you tell - ie. "OMG...seriously?...I am totally trying to impress this person right now...."
As we learn to allow the experience to be what it is and allow ourself to connect to that deeper space we tap into the creativity, inspiration, and possibilities that reside in that deeper space. The following are the first and last verses from a popular poem, Our Deepest Fear:
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.'
'And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.'
As an adult might have told us while growing up: You don't need to make anything up. Just tell the truth.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
What do I really want?
Let's assume that you and I are having lunch together. Let's also assume that one of the reasons we decided to get together was because you feel 'stuck'...a general state of feeling dissatisfied and unsure of what options you have to get 'unstuck'. So at this lunch, I look at you and ask you: "What do you really want?" Your immediate reaction is to answer my question, yet as you try to speak you (once again) are 'stuck'...you assumed you had a ready answer for the question...you don't.
My experience is that most of us assume we know what we want but we really haven't given the idea much conscious thought. Perhaps the reason we continue to lead lives that may include too much distraction and subtle dissatisfaction is partly due to this unexamined idea of: What do I really want?
The third lesson in the I Am curriculum examines this question: What do I really want? The students begin with a mindfulness practice that brings their awareness into the present moment. 'I heal and grow in the present moment.' You may do this at home by taking three breaths and repeating the following to yourself: 'I breathe in I follow my in breath...I breathe out I follow my out breath.'
The mindfulness practice is followed by some sort of affirmation or validation of life (song lyrics, poetry, youtube clip, movie reference, artwork, quote, personal experience, etc.). At the elementary level I just started calling this piece: 'I'm okay.' At home you may have all sorts of motivational quotes available for your viewing - have you ever really allowed yourself to consider and imagine the words as a true reflection in your life experience? What would it look like...feel like...to live the art we showcase?
Following the affirmation are connecting questions that get the students to consider related ideas that contribute toward the life skill (What do I really want? is basically a version of goal setting which is the 'life skill' being taught). At the end of this post are three considerations that may be helpful to entertain in this little segment. You can create guiding questions that allow you to reflect on the ideas presented.
It's a bit difficult to design this blog for a broad audience. Obviously I want to engage others who teach social and emotional learning. However, social and emotional learning is helpful for all persons. Setting aside some time in stillness each day to consider ideas that contribute to one's self development is a good idea. The I Am curriculum could easily be used as a guide for personal self reflection or it could be a 'dinner table' tool for families.
As a class activity, we take our idea of what we really want and break it down to something that is intangible - 'I want to feel a sense of freedom within my self', 'a sense of calm in my being', 'inner peace', etc. Next we look for images in magazines that represent this desire and glue them onto paper or cardboard - or onto a folder that collects other class activities as well. Vision boards tend to be somewhat popular and the reason is they work! We are bringing an awareness of what we want into our consciousness. Have you ever bought a new car and then notice that particular car everywhere? Have you ever been in love (infatuated may be a better term here) and see 'look-a-likes' everywhere? 'What we think about we bring about.' This vision board can become part of your mindfulness practice. Use your senses to create or imagine the 'wish fulfilled.' Wishes Fulfilled is a book by Wayne Dyer which I haven't read yet. I do have a quote on my personal vision board by Dr Dyer that reads: 'Make your future dream a present fact by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.'
A few other considerations:
Let's assume that all persons want to feel a sense of belonging and a feeling of significance. These ideas are in a book called 'Positive Discipline' by Jane Nelson (I think the first edition was in the 80's - a friend suggested this book to me as I began working with younger students this school year). The book is referring to children wanting to feel a sense of belonging and significance...I assume that is the same for all persons.
Can you feel these statements as truth within your being:
'I Am. Capable.'
'I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.'
'I can influence what happens to me.'
Perhaps you now can consider the original question from a deeper space...What do you really want?
My experience is that most of us assume we know what we want but we really haven't given the idea much conscious thought. Perhaps the reason we continue to lead lives that may include too much distraction and subtle dissatisfaction is partly due to this unexamined idea of: What do I really want?
The third lesson in the I Am curriculum examines this question: What do I really want? The students begin with a mindfulness practice that brings their awareness into the present moment. 'I heal and grow in the present moment.' You may do this at home by taking three breaths and repeating the following to yourself: 'I breathe in I follow my in breath...I breathe out I follow my out breath.'
The mindfulness practice is followed by some sort of affirmation or validation of life (song lyrics, poetry, youtube clip, movie reference, artwork, quote, personal experience, etc.). At the elementary level I just started calling this piece: 'I'm okay.' At home you may have all sorts of motivational quotes available for your viewing - have you ever really allowed yourself to consider and imagine the words as a true reflection in your life experience? What would it look like...feel like...to live the art we showcase?
Following the affirmation are connecting questions that get the students to consider related ideas that contribute toward the life skill (What do I really want? is basically a version of goal setting which is the 'life skill' being taught). At the end of this post are three considerations that may be helpful to entertain in this little segment. You can create guiding questions that allow you to reflect on the ideas presented.
It's a bit difficult to design this blog for a broad audience. Obviously I want to engage others who teach social and emotional learning. However, social and emotional learning is helpful for all persons. Setting aside some time in stillness each day to consider ideas that contribute to one's self development is a good idea. The I Am curriculum could easily be used as a guide for personal self reflection or it could be a 'dinner table' tool for families.
As a class activity, we take our idea of what we really want and break it down to something that is intangible - 'I want to feel a sense of freedom within my self', 'a sense of calm in my being', 'inner peace', etc. Next we look for images in magazines that represent this desire and glue them onto paper or cardboard - or onto a folder that collects other class activities as well. Vision boards tend to be somewhat popular and the reason is they work! We are bringing an awareness of what we want into our consciousness. Have you ever bought a new car and then notice that particular car everywhere? Have you ever been in love (infatuated may be a better term here) and see 'look-a-likes' everywhere? 'What we think about we bring about.' This vision board can become part of your mindfulness practice. Use your senses to create or imagine the 'wish fulfilled.' Wishes Fulfilled is a book by Wayne Dyer which I haven't read yet. I do have a quote on my personal vision board by Dr Dyer that reads: 'Make your future dream a present fact by assuming the feeling of the wish fulfilled.'
A few other considerations:
Let's assume that all persons want to feel a sense of belonging and a feeling of significance. These ideas are in a book called 'Positive Discipline' by Jane Nelson (I think the first edition was in the 80's - a friend suggested this book to me as I began working with younger students this school year). The book is referring to children wanting to feel a sense of belonging and significance...I assume that is the same for all persons.
Can you feel these statements as truth within your being:
'I Am. Capable.'
'I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed.'
'I can influence what happens to me.'
Perhaps you now can consider the original question from a deeper space...What do you really want?
Monday, September 9, 2013
Managing FITS
Are your FITS in charge?
Last week we spoke (I am referring to the class I currently teach the I Am curriculum to) about FITS. FITS is just an acronym for feelings, impulses, thoughts, and sensations. I recently concluded that I teach subjectively and experientially - not based on any absolutes. So please read my ideas on FITS with an open mind. I consider myself to incorporate everything and anything into my teaching that I have found meaningful in my own life (don't we all do this?). It's funny how life is, as soon as I settled on this 'subjective' approach to teaching I was brought back to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People/Teens that talks about the principles that govern us in spite of what our beliefs are (ie. absolutes). Funny.
I used to facilitate SEL (social emotional learning) lessons based on the idea that 'thoughts' trigger 'feelings/emotions' which dictate 'behavior' and then ultimately lead to the 'results' we get in life. I now facilitate the idea that when we intentionally practice being mindful or still (present in our body experiencing the moment) we bring awareness to our body and notice FITS. As we learn to identify FITS we start to recognize how our FITS play off of one another as if they are a bit enmeshed especially when we aren't mindful of their independent roles.
For example.... How many of us have allowed a pet or a child under the age of three to upset us? To upset us in a way that we believed the child or pet purposely did something to us to intentionally receive the reaction we gave them (?). What if we were instead reacting to the FITS concept? A two year old tells us to go away or clings to their parent when we approach. What reaction may we be having in our body? And which happens first? A feeling of rejection could lead to an impulse to leave the situation (sometimes this may be a good reaction, however an adult leaving a two year olds birthday party would not be so cool). A sensation may flood our body - the same sensation we had at sixteen when we were rejected by 'the crush.' The sensation could create, reinforce, or contribute to feelings of unworthiness that (if not intervened upon) will now trigger thoughts from the past or possibly the future (now we aren't in the present moment anymore) that will feed the feeling of rejection and contribute to an overall sense of 'I don't matter.' Yuck. What if our FITS are just part of being human and responding to our own energy and that of the collective whole? What if our FITS constitute what we refer to as our 'emotion' and we 'emote' based on our experience of the FITS? What if the FITS can just be allowed? What if we can learn to observe FITS and purposely allow for the experience with the idea that when we give up control we give up resistance which can disempower the whole process? Does a two year old really have the power to limit us? If you like, return to the beginning of this paragraph and create your own personal example of the FITS idea. Have you ever limited your life experience by reacting to FITS?
Our FITS will govern our life experience if we do not intentionally practice being mindful of our 'inner being.' We are the mayor of Self town. The FITS belong in the town but they need to be put in their rightful place. When we are aware of FITS and allow them to be as they are with intention to release that which limits us and our life experience in any way, we can then use this awareness for purpose. Used constructively, FITS can empower us by willfully contributing to creative ideas, inspired thinking, and unlimited possibilities.
'Everyone has a capacity for greatness that transcends anything they've been taught to believe.'
'Your appointment with life is always in the present.'
Last week we spoke (I am referring to the class I currently teach the I Am curriculum to) about FITS. FITS is just an acronym for feelings, impulses, thoughts, and sensations. I recently concluded that I teach subjectively and experientially - not based on any absolutes. So please read my ideas on FITS with an open mind. I consider myself to incorporate everything and anything into my teaching that I have found meaningful in my own life (don't we all do this?). It's funny how life is, as soon as I settled on this 'subjective' approach to teaching I was brought back to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People/Teens that talks about the principles that govern us in spite of what our beliefs are (ie. absolutes). Funny.
I used to facilitate SEL (social emotional learning) lessons based on the idea that 'thoughts' trigger 'feelings/emotions' which dictate 'behavior' and then ultimately lead to the 'results' we get in life. I now facilitate the idea that when we intentionally practice being mindful or still (present in our body experiencing the moment) we bring awareness to our body and notice FITS. As we learn to identify FITS we start to recognize how our FITS play off of one another as if they are a bit enmeshed especially when we aren't mindful of their independent roles.
For example.... How many of us have allowed a pet or a child under the age of three to upset us? To upset us in a way that we believed the child or pet purposely did something to us to intentionally receive the reaction we gave them (?). What if we were instead reacting to the FITS concept? A two year old tells us to go away or clings to their parent when we approach. What reaction may we be having in our body? And which happens first? A feeling of rejection could lead to an impulse to leave the situation (sometimes this may be a good reaction, however an adult leaving a two year olds birthday party would not be so cool). A sensation may flood our body - the same sensation we had at sixteen when we were rejected by 'the crush.' The sensation could create, reinforce, or contribute to feelings of unworthiness that (if not intervened upon) will now trigger thoughts from the past or possibly the future (now we aren't in the present moment anymore) that will feed the feeling of rejection and contribute to an overall sense of 'I don't matter.' Yuck. What if our FITS are just part of being human and responding to our own energy and that of the collective whole? What if our FITS constitute what we refer to as our 'emotion' and we 'emote' based on our experience of the FITS? What if the FITS can just be allowed? What if we can learn to observe FITS and purposely allow for the experience with the idea that when we give up control we give up resistance which can disempower the whole process? Does a two year old really have the power to limit us? If you like, return to the beginning of this paragraph and create your own personal example of the FITS idea. Have you ever limited your life experience by reacting to FITS?
Our FITS will govern our life experience if we do not intentionally practice being mindful of our 'inner being.' We are the mayor of Self town. The FITS belong in the town but they need to be put in their rightful place. When we are aware of FITS and allow them to be as they are with intention to release that which limits us and our life experience in any way, we can then use this awareness for purpose. Used constructively, FITS can empower us by willfully contributing to creative ideas, inspired thinking, and unlimited possibilities.
'Everyone has a capacity for greatness that transcends anything they've been taught to believe.'
'Your appointment with life is always in the present.'
Monday, September 2, 2013
Self Awareness
Are you self aware?
This past week I was introducing the I Am curriculum to a new group of students. It's only the third time I have officially taught the curriculum as a class offering and of course the lessons are constantly evolving. Ironically it is the students who teach me how to teach my own ideas. I come up with an idea and place it into a classroom lesson format I produced for simplicity sake and then I use my own version of mindfulness and applied thinking (that of which I teach to students) and use my imagination as I conduct/create/expand upon the lesson in my mind. It rarely ever goes as I imagine. I look forward to getting in front of the students and failing as I have come to rely on that being the only way to really learn how to facilitate a useful lesson!
Anyway, this past week we were discussing the three areas we would focus on to measure our individual growth for the class. Self Awareness, Self Acceptance (or acceptance of what is), and Compassion for Self. I provided a short definition for each targeted area and then as a class we were going to define what a person would look like in each area depending on how they were rated. So there was a 1 to 10 continuum drawn for each area with a 'one' needing growth in the area and a '10' essentially mastering the area. We began with the area of Self Awareness. The responses the students were suggesting made it sound as if a '10' was a perfect person and a '1' was a not so perfect person. I was writing down on the board the phrases they were sharing as a way to define a '1' or a '10' (or anywhere in between) as if I were in a trance. All of a sudden I realized that this was not what I wanted them to understand about self awareness. The idea of self awareness I wanted them to consider had nothing to do with perfection, it just has to do with awareness - independent of the decision one makes.
As one practices mindfulness one typically begins by drawing awareness (or attention) to the breath. Imagine yourself breathing in through every pore of your skin. As you are breathing in through the pores in your skin, imagine all the oxygen coming into your belly, or your center. Imagine that this core area is your life force. When you practice this, you begin to notice your mind and body as functions to experience life with rather than as the sole essence of your life experience.
As we practice mindfulness we begin to notice (become aware of or draw our attention to) our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses. As we practice this awareness we may begin to feel more in control of our experience. We also may learn that thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses can be fleeting - they come and they go. As we learn to notice simple things like the impulse to make a comment to impress someone else, and we practice sitting with the impulse (noticing any feelings, sensations, or thoughts that may also be present) and releasing the impulse...subsequent feelings...thoughts...body sensations (sitting with the temporary discomfort and noticing it pass), that practice can create a new habit and allow us more space inside ourselves to invest in more purposeful and meaningful ways of interacting with others.
Perhaps if we learn to be aware of our inner life then our outer life will take care of itself. In reference to the class lesson, we spent our next session together talking about self awareness of self awareness. A '10' may just be the willingness to practice noticing our inner experience...and to accept what we notice in the present moment as it is...with compassion - no judgement, no ridicule, and no comparison.
"Our deepest nature is awareness, and when we fully inhabit that, we love freely and are whole."
"Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance."
Tara Brach (Radical Acceptance)
This past week I was introducing the I Am curriculum to a new group of students. It's only the third time I have officially taught the curriculum as a class offering and of course the lessons are constantly evolving. Ironically it is the students who teach me how to teach my own ideas. I come up with an idea and place it into a classroom lesson format I produced for simplicity sake and then I use my own version of mindfulness and applied thinking (that of which I teach to students) and use my imagination as I conduct/create/expand upon the lesson in my mind. It rarely ever goes as I imagine. I look forward to getting in front of the students and failing as I have come to rely on that being the only way to really learn how to facilitate a useful lesson!
Anyway, this past week we were discussing the three areas we would focus on to measure our individual growth for the class. Self Awareness, Self Acceptance (or acceptance of what is), and Compassion for Self. I provided a short definition for each targeted area and then as a class we were going to define what a person would look like in each area depending on how they were rated. So there was a 1 to 10 continuum drawn for each area with a 'one' needing growth in the area and a '10' essentially mastering the area. We began with the area of Self Awareness. The responses the students were suggesting made it sound as if a '10' was a perfect person and a '1' was a not so perfect person. I was writing down on the board the phrases they were sharing as a way to define a '1' or a '10' (or anywhere in between) as if I were in a trance. All of a sudden I realized that this was not what I wanted them to understand about self awareness. The idea of self awareness I wanted them to consider had nothing to do with perfection, it just has to do with awareness - independent of the decision one makes.
As one practices mindfulness one typically begins by drawing awareness (or attention) to the breath. Imagine yourself breathing in through every pore of your skin. As you are breathing in through the pores in your skin, imagine all the oxygen coming into your belly, or your center. Imagine that this core area is your life force. When you practice this, you begin to notice your mind and body as functions to experience life with rather than as the sole essence of your life experience.
As we practice mindfulness we begin to notice (become aware of or draw our attention to) our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses. As we practice this awareness we may begin to feel more in control of our experience. We also may learn that thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses can be fleeting - they come and they go. As we learn to notice simple things like the impulse to make a comment to impress someone else, and we practice sitting with the impulse (noticing any feelings, sensations, or thoughts that may also be present) and releasing the impulse...subsequent feelings...thoughts...body sensations (sitting with the temporary discomfort and noticing it pass), that practice can create a new habit and allow us more space inside ourselves to invest in more purposeful and meaningful ways of interacting with others.
Perhaps if we learn to be aware of our inner life then our outer life will take care of itself. In reference to the class lesson, we spent our next session together talking about self awareness of self awareness. A '10' may just be the willingness to practice noticing our inner experience...and to accept what we notice in the present moment as it is...with compassion - no judgement, no ridicule, and no comparison.
"Our deepest nature is awareness, and when we fully inhabit that, we love freely and are whole."
"Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us from responsibility for our actions. Rather, it releases us from the self hatred that prevents us from responding to our life with clarity and balance."
Tara Brach (Radical Acceptance)
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Riding the Wave
This morning I had the opportunity to hike with my dog in beautiful Breckenridge, Colorado. If you are able to remove yourself from your environment and head to nature it lends itself to present moment awareness. I define mindfulness as being present in one's moment to moment experience without judgement, ridicule, or comparison. Being in nature is the perfect backdrop to mindfulness. In nature...we find our nature. In stillness...we find our stillness.
I created several simple breathing techniques while we were hiking that I wanted to share before I forget. The following two mantras can be used all together as one verse or as two separate verses. Each line is a breath - breath in (one), breath out (two).
In the now
In the body
I Am
Home
Nothing to do
Nowhere to go
I Am
Home
In fairness, I spent almost a week at a Mindfulness for Educators retreat where I learned some new techniques that I assume have their roots in Zen Buddhism. Well, either that or rooted in Thich Nhat Hahn who is rooted in Zen Buddhism...he loves his Buddha for sure. The immersion in Zen Buddhism was eye opening, but the experience was amazing (and I probably wouldn't have gone had I known). I know for myself I found mindfulness practice, as a mental health provider, linked to dialectical behavior therapy. When I began researching mindfulness I practiced it myself, and the results were so clear and immediate that I started teaching it to students.
The breathing practices could be taught in a classroom or practiced on your own. If you teach the practice in a classroom you should first practice them on your own (I'm sure you have that one figured out). To refer to the title of this blog it has to do with an experience I had earlier in the week. I had a bad day...a baaaaaaad day. With mindfulness I have learned to 'ride the wave' of discomfort. In the midst of the emotional wrecking ball of mistakes, doubt, and fear...mindfulness practice has allowed for a deeper sense of knowing that the wave is part of something much bigger.
I created several simple breathing techniques while we were hiking that I wanted to share before I forget. The following two mantras can be used all together as one verse or as two separate verses. Each line is a breath - breath in (one), breath out (two).
In the now
In the body
I Am
Home
Nothing to do
Nowhere to go
I Am
Home
In fairness, I spent almost a week at a Mindfulness for Educators retreat where I learned some new techniques that I assume have their roots in Zen Buddhism. Well, either that or rooted in Thich Nhat Hahn who is rooted in Zen Buddhism...he loves his Buddha for sure. The immersion in Zen Buddhism was eye opening, but the experience was amazing (and I probably wouldn't have gone had I known). I know for myself I found mindfulness practice, as a mental health provider, linked to dialectical behavior therapy. When I began researching mindfulness I practiced it myself, and the results were so clear and immediate that I started teaching it to students.
The breathing practices could be taught in a classroom or practiced on your own. If you teach the practice in a classroom you should first practice them on your own (I'm sure you have that one figured out). To refer to the title of this blog it has to do with an experience I had earlier in the week. I had a bad day...a baaaaaaad day. With mindfulness I have learned to 'ride the wave' of discomfort. In the midst of the emotional wrecking ball of mistakes, doubt, and fear...mindfulness practice has allowed for a deeper sense of knowing that the wave is part of something much bigger.
Friday, August 23, 2013
A Deeper Space of Knowing
Mindfulness practice allows one to live life from a deeper space or sense of knowing. Somewhere I saw two models of how we learn compared to one another. In the traditional model, if I am recalling correctly, it was a linear path of growth. In the non traditional model it showed a beginning and then a slightly concave line to an end and then the line returned to the beginning and the concave part went deeper....and it continued on like this...returning to a beginning and growing deeper each time.
Brene Brown seems to have exposed the concepts of shame and vulnerability in her research...(if you haven't seen her Ted talks on these subjects you might like to...she also wrote a book called 'Daring Greatly'). I liken the 'return to the beginning' to vulnerability. Brene connects vulnerability to courage. It is courageous to return to a beginning. When we allow ourselves to do this, we grow deeper...and when we allow ourselves to do it again...we grow deeper...and again...and deeper still.
Maybe the idea of 'returning to the beginning' has to do with the yoga term 'beginner's mind.' When we choose to have a beginner's mind we consciously bring fresh eyes into our moment to moment experience. A popular social emotional curriculum uses the term 'one up'. Within the curriculum (in the pages that we skip through to get to the lesson) there is a section that explains the concept of 'one up' and how to embed the concept into our teaching. The section is written for the facilitators of the lessons to recognize our own need to 'one up' those that we are instructing and to release ourselves from the whole idea of being 'more than' those we are instructing. In a recent back to school teacher's meeting we were all asked to share what teacher in our life had made a difference. One of the teachers answered 'the students have been my greatest teacher.' I agreed.
In the busyness of a school environment it's easy to dismiss the depth of a concept and quickly attach a meaning that makes sense to us. This is how we live out our lives when we are not mindful to reconnect to our deeper space...the space that connects us to a deeper sense of knowing. An experienced school employee taught the curriculum that I spoke of in the previous paragraph. We taught it together and when I mentioned the need for us as facilitators to relate to the 'one up' principle...the other person assumed 'one up' meant that the students shouldn't try to 'one up' the other students with a better story as they shared out in the class. In the context of a school environment it is unlikely that the depth of 'one up' was going to be considered during a quick conversation in the hallway as we walked to the classroom together. The deeper meaning of a simple concept which had the potential to bring us back to another beginning and an opportunity to grow deeper was lost in the hurriedness of the day to day experience.
Perhaps our beginner's mind will allow us to consider the idea of growing deeper within as opposed to growing further without - that the growth path of a human being comes from growing deeper inside ourselves as we develop the courage to constantly begin again and look at our life situations with openness. I Am. Attached to nothing and open to everything. Vulnerability is courage.
Brene Brown seems to have exposed the concepts of shame and vulnerability in her research...(if you haven't seen her Ted talks on these subjects you might like to...she also wrote a book called 'Daring Greatly'). I liken the 'return to the beginning' to vulnerability. Brene connects vulnerability to courage. It is courageous to return to a beginning. When we allow ourselves to do this, we grow deeper...and when we allow ourselves to do it again...we grow deeper...and again...and deeper still.
Maybe the idea of 'returning to the beginning' has to do with the yoga term 'beginner's mind.' When we choose to have a beginner's mind we consciously bring fresh eyes into our moment to moment experience. A popular social emotional curriculum uses the term 'one up'. Within the curriculum (in the pages that we skip through to get to the lesson) there is a section that explains the concept of 'one up' and how to embed the concept into our teaching. The section is written for the facilitators of the lessons to recognize our own need to 'one up' those that we are instructing and to release ourselves from the whole idea of being 'more than' those we are instructing. In a recent back to school teacher's meeting we were all asked to share what teacher in our life had made a difference. One of the teachers answered 'the students have been my greatest teacher.' I agreed.
In the busyness of a school environment it's easy to dismiss the depth of a concept and quickly attach a meaning that makes sense to us. This is how we live out our lives when we are not mindful to reconnect to our deeper space...the space that connects us to a deeper sense of knowing. An experienced school employee taught the curriculum that I spoke of in the previous paragraph. We taught it together and when I mentioned the need for us as facilitators to relate to the 'one up' principle...the other person assumed 'one up' meant that the students shouldn't try to 'one up' the other students with a better story as they shared out in the class. In the context of a school environment it is unlikely that the depth of 'one up' was going to be considered during a quick conversation in the hallway as we walked to the classroom together. The deeper meaning of a simple concept which had the potential to bring us back to another beginning and an opportunity to grow deeper was lost in the hurriedness of the day to day experience.
Perhaps our beginner's mind will allow us to consider the idea of growing deeper within as opposed to growing further without - that the growth path of a human being comes from growing deeper inside ourselves as we develop the courage to constantly begin again and look at our life situations with openness. I Am. Attached to nothing and open to everything. Vulnerability is courage.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Accidental Zen
Stop. Bring your awareness to your breath. Hello breath. Smile. Just notice your breath. Now follow the whole of your breath: "I breathe in I follow my in breath...I breathe out I follow my out breath...in...out." Do that three times. All done.
Several years ago I sat in my office at school...discouraged. I began working as a school social worker (SSW) six years ago...prior to that I was a PE/health teacher that turned health teacher. I loved teaching the social and emotional aspects of the health class. I went back to school to learn more after spending three years at a school in southern California where the students taught me...sharing situations and experiences that I had only read about or watched on TV.
The crisis work as a SSW came easy for some reason. However, when the crisis cleared and the student was in my office I felt limited. I didn't know how to help. I knew that no matter how long a meeting lasted and how wonderful the 'plan' looked, or if we transported the student to the hospital for safety concerns, or if a phone call home was made and parents picked their student up...I couldn't stop the nagging feeling within me that asked: 'what changed?...what will be different?...what did I teach that student that will help him/her manage their situation more effectively?'
Frustrated and determined I recall googling something about 'teaching skills to at risk youth'. I recall finding a short list that I wrote down and taped inside my front desk drawer: anxiety reduction skills, mindfulness, recognizing emotions. I felt a bit more in control having a narrowed list of specific skills that I would develop with the students I spent time with...I didn't know what mindfulness was...but the other two I knew I could work on and that was a place to start.
If you know me or have read any of my previous blogs you will know where I am headed in this post. Mindfulness. Attention to breath. Notice. I breathe in...I breathe out. The complexity of the frustration I had felt was answered in such a simple way - return to breath. Reset your central nervous system. Create space within to allow one's alignment with nature to reveal itself. I read something yesterday that said: 'A good therapist (you could arguably insert teacher or parent) coaches nature.' I think that is beautiful.
I have become passionate about practicing mindfulness (I actually discovered it on my own path to inner peace). I have become passionate about teaching the skills of mindfulness and applied thinking to the young people I have the opportunity to work with. I have developed a passion for teachers...and self care. The expectations for teachers exceed what is realistic...yet there seems to be an unrealistic idea (or toxic mental tendency) to strive to 'get it all done.' In schools the phrase 'what's best for kids' is often heard. Let's take a moment to draw our awareness to breath (see first paragraph) and visualize what that looks like. What is truly best for kids? Is functioning on six hours of sleep truly best for kids? What is best for you is best for those you interact with...best for the greater good of all living beings. 'We cannot give from an empty vessel or drink from an empty well...'
"Some say that my teaching is nonsense.
Others call it lofty but impractical.
But to those who have looked inside themselves,
this nonsense makes perfect sense."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMr4kLsUux8
Several years ago I sat in my office at school...discouraged. I began working as a school social worker (SSW) six years ago...prior to that I was a PE/health teacher that turned health teacher. I loved teaching the social and emotional aspects of the health class. I went back to school to learn more after spending three years at a school in southern California where the students taught me...sharing situations and experiences that I had only read about or watched on TV.
The crisis work as a SSW came easy for some reason. However, when the crisis cleared and the student was in my office I felt limited. I didn't know how to help. I knew that no matter how long a meeting lasted and how wonderful the 'plan' looked, or if we transported the student to the hospital for safety concerns, or if a phone call home was made and parents picked their student up...I couldn't stop the nagging feeling within me that asked: 'what changed?...what will be different?...what did I teach that student that will help him/her manage their situation more effectively?'
Frustrated and determined I recall googling something about 'teaching skills to at risk youth'. I recall finding a short list that I wrote down and taped inside my front desk drawer: anxiety reduction skills, mindfulness, recognizing emotions. I felt a bit more in control having a narrowed list of specific skills that I would develop with the students I spent time with...I didn't know what mindfulness was...but the other two I knew I could work on and that was a place to start.
If you know me or have read any of my previous blogs you will know where I am headed in this post. Mindfulness. Attention to breath. Notice. I breathe in...I breathe out. The complexity of the frustration I had felt was answered in such a simple way - return to breath. Reset your central nervous system. Create space within to allow one's alignment with nature to reveal itself. I read something yesterday that said: 'A good therapist (you could arguably insert teacher or parent) coaches nature.' I think that is beautiful.
I have become passionate about practicing mindfulness (I actually discovered it on my own path to inner peace). I have become passionate about teaching the skills of mindfulness and applied thinking to the young people I have the opportunity to work with. I have developed a passion for teachers...and self care. The expectations for teachers exceed what is realistic...yet there seems to be an unrealistic idea (or toxic mental tendency) to strive to 'get it all done.' In schools the phrase 'what's best for kids' is often heard. Let's take a moment to draw our awareness to breath (see first paragraph) and visualize what that looks like. What is truly best for kids? Is functioning on six hours of sleep truly best for kids? What is best for you is best for those you interact with...best for the greater good of all living beings. 'We cannot give from an empty vessel or drink from an empty well...'
"Some say that my teaching is nonsense.
Others call it lofty but impractical.
But to those who have looked inside themselves,
this nonsense makes perfect sense."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMr4kLsUux8
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Letting Go...Connecting to
'I heal and grow in the present moment.'
In my perfect world I teach social and emotional learning that is largely based on the skills of mindfulness and applied thinking...and then blog about it. Mindfulness is a practice that helps us feel grounded and present in our bodies. Mindfulness practice creates the conditions for a person to observe their thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses. As we practice this awareness (mindfulness being awareness and awareness being bigger than our thoughts since we can observe more than just our thinking when we are intentionally aware) we can then learn the principle or idea of applied thinking. Applied thinking to my mind means that when we notice thoughts that limit us we can: 1. purposefully change the thought to one that is more manageable and doesn't 'take away' from our experience (this takes practice then it becomes a habit...like most things), 2. consider what these thoughts are linked to (a belief?) and then consider the belief and how it could be changed or shifted to add to one's experience as opposed to limit one's experience (and ultimately contribute to the greater good).
A young person in my life whom I love very much told me several years ago that she would not go hiking with me because she just 'wasn't a nature girl.' Huh...wuh? Does a person under the age of ten really have this figured out? That's a low end example of which there are numerous ways each of us limit ourselves on a regular basis. Other larger examples would be based on our more entrenched and exclusive (as in 'exclude'...not 'This is an exclusive party for top execs only.' -- obviously they mean the same thing but one of those examples many of us have become in awe of instead of aware of) beliefs that include politics, religion, culture, education, etc. etc. I'll give you a few examples...except that I won't...not jumping off that ledge.
Instead of having a conversation about limited beliefs around politics and religion I much prefer to confuse the hell out of you and talk about a meditation around letting go and connecting to. Right on!
So I do this mindfulness practice that includes imagining oneself lying in a field or being suspended in the ocean (the latter I only do with select audiences - being in water could be horribly anxiety producing to some - I personally love the feeling of being suspended in deep water...without sharks). Anyway, we create this experience of safety, peace, comfort as we imagine it with our eyes closed and then let go of the field or water and then let go of the physical body. So you can imagine this - if you shut your eyes you can get the general idea. These experiences are best considered by drawing awareness from your heart center rather than mind (the mind has already told you to stop reading this because it makes no sense...however, the internet and electricity make a lot of sense).
I often use phrases like 'bring your awareness out of your mind and into your heart' which makes total sense to me. Another person who I am quite close to and also love very much was visiting and I made a comment about heart awareness. This person gave me nothing! No pause. No consideration. I got a 'what did you just say?'...'well that's just crazy...I'm not buying that.' Hopefully I wasn't selling (?)
Anyway...back to letting go of our physical space. So you can imagine the darkness and now the feeling of connectedness (?) This darkness is infinite - no beginning and no end. We then take that darkness and draw it into our core....(and then go back into our body, into the field, into the chair we are sitting on...). So now we can imagine this infinite 'space' in the core of our body. Within this space lies the creative ideas, inspired thoughts, and unlimited possibilities that I constantly mention in posts. I have trained myself to belly breathe and imagine this space in my belly and repeat 'creative ideas, inspired thoughts, unlimited possibilities' and it brings me to peace in an instant...or at least gets me out of what could become a spiral of negativity and self doubt.
I interrupt to say that three women just ran by (I am sitting outside in the front of my place) and I heard one say: 'Okay...so you already have bad sex...'. I wonder how the rest of that went.
The last consideration I want to share (and I will expand on in other typings) is about a person's story. This comment may draw criticism however I am only hoping to offer ideas and not arguments. So the question is: How relevant is a person's story? Take a breath. When we are in a school setting or clinical setting and we are interviewing and getting all this information - to what extent is it truly relevant? (I think I know the answer to that...so I'm not really asking...I'm allowing for a broader context that would contribute to an overall belief). What I'm getting at goes back to the first line of this post, 'I heal and grow in the present moment.' I'm going to go yoga on you here (I so wish I could claim yoga...I want to be a cool yogi so bad...obviously not bad enough to attend class on a regular basis)....so in yoga they say to have a 'beginner's mind'. A beginner's mind being a fresh perspective in the moment. Having a conversation with a friend that is truly rooted in the present moment without considering past comments that were hurtful or assumptions about what the other might be thinking or how the other might react - a fresh, new moment deplete of all the many things that we often bring with us that take away from a true, authentic connection. So when working with alternative youth if we are constantly considering the 'story' are we creating a moment that allows for healing and growth? When we feel sorry for someone and rush to 'do things' for the person who has the 'sad story' (or on the other end...rush to do things for the wealthy family?) are we contributing to healing and growth or indirectly limiting? Obviously there is a place for empathy and being nice. If you are willing...let's really challenge our belief about the dignity and worth of all human beings...if this belief is entrenched to the same extent that 'water is wet' how is that evident? This idea is just something to consider...please don't add negative energy to your body in opposition and a desire to argue...unless you can separate arguing and negative energy. Consider or let go...pretty please.
'And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to bloom.'
In my perfect world I teach social and emotional learning that is largely based on the skills of mindfulness and applied thinking...and then blog about it. Mindfulness is a practice that helps us feel grounded and present in our bodies. Mindfulness practice creates the conditions for a person to observe their thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses. As we practice this awareness (mindfulness being awareness and awareness being bigger than our thoughts since we can observe more than just our thinking when we are intentionally aware) we can then learn the principle or idea of applied thinking. Applied thinking to my mind means that when we notice thoughts that limit us we can: 1. purposefully change the thought to one that is more manageable and doesn't 'take away' from our experience (this takes practice then it becomes a habit...like most things), 2. consider what these thoughts are linked to (a belief?) and then consider the belief and how it could be changed or shifted to add to one's experience as opposed to limit one's experience (and ultimately contribute to the greater good).
A young person in my life whom I love very much told me several years ago that she would not go hiking with me because she just 'wasn't a nature girl.' Huh...wuh? Does a person under the age of ten really have this figured out? That's a low end example of which there are numerous ways each of us limit ourselves on a regular basis. Other larger examples would be based on our more entrenched and exclusive (as in 'exclude'...not 'This is an exclusive party for top execs only.' -- obviously they mean the same thing but one of those examples many of us have become in awe of instead of aware of) beliefs that include politics, religion, culture, education, etc. etc. I'll give you a few examples...except that I won't...not jumping off that ledge.
Instead of having a conversation about limited beliefs around politics and religion I much prefer to confuse the hell out of you and talk about a meditation around letting go and connecting to. Right on!
So I do this mindfulness practice that includes imagining oneself lying in a field or being suspended in the ocean (the latter I only do with select audiences - being in water could be horribly anxiety producing to some - I personally love the feeling of being suspended in deep water...without sharks). Anyway, we create this experience of safety, peace, comfort as we imagine it with our eyes closed and then let go of the field or water and then let go of the physical body. So you can imagine this - if you shut your eyes you can get the general idea. These experiences are best considered by drawing awareness from your heart center rather than mind (the mind has already told you to stop reading this because it makes no sense...however, the internet and electricity make a lot of sense).
I often use phrases like 'bring your awareness out of your mind and into your heart' which makes total sense to me. Another person who I am quite close to and also love very much was visiting and I made a comment about heart awareness. This person gave me nothing! No pause. No consideration. I got a 'what did you just say?'...'well that's just crazy...I'm not buying that.' Hopefully I wasn't selling (?)
Anyway...back to letting go of our physical space. So you can imagine the darkness and now the feeling of connectedness (?) This darkness is infinite - no beginning and no end. We then take that darkness and draw it into our core....(and then go back into our body, into the field, into the chair we are sitting on...). So now we can imagine this infinite 'space' in the core of our body. Within this space lies the creative ideas, inspired thoughts, and unlimited possibilities that I constantly mention in posts. I have trained myself to belly breathe and imagine this space in my belly and repeat 'creative ideas, inspired thoughts, unlimited possibilities' and it brings me to peace in an instant...or at least gets me out of what could become a spiral of negativity and self doubt.
I interrupt to say that three women just ran by (I am sitting outside in the front of my place) and I heard one say: 'Okay...so you already have bad sex...'. I wonder how the rest of that went.
The last consideration I want to share (and I will expand on in other typings) is about a person's story. This comment may draw criticism however I am only hoping to offer ideas and not arguments. So the question is: How relevant is a person's story? Take a breath. When we are in a school setting or clinical setting and we are interviewing and getting all this information - to what extent is it truly relevant? (I think I know the answer to that...so I'm not really asking...I'm allowing for a broader context that would contribute to an overall belief). What I'm getting at goes back to the first line of this post, 'I heal and grow in the present moment.' I'm going to go yoga on you here (I so wish I could claim yoga...I want to be a cool yogi so bad...obviously not bad enough to attend class on a regular basis)....so in yoga they say to have a 'beginner's mind'. A beginner's mind being a fresh perspective in the moment. Having a conversation with a friend that is truly rooted in the present moment without considering past comments that were hurtful or assumptions about what the other might be thinking or how the other might react - a fresh, new moment deplete of all the many things that we often bring with us that take away from a true, authentic connection. So when working with alternative youth if we are constantly considering the 'story' are we creating a moment that allows for healing and growth? When we feel sorry for someone and rush to 'do things' for the person who has the 'sad story' (or on the other end...rush to do things for the wealthy family?) are we contributing to healing and growth or indirectly limiting? Obviously there is a place for empathy and being nice. If you are willing...let's really challenge our belief about the dignity and worth of all human beings...if this belief is entrenched to the same extent that 'water is wet' how is that evident? This idea is just something to consider...please don't add negative energy to your body in opposition and a desire to argue...unless you can separate arguing and negative energy. Consider or let go...pretty please.
'And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to bloom.'
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Living Above the Clouds
I was texting with a friend last night and I mentioned that I liked her use of emoticons. She texted me back (within the appropriate amount of time that establishes true wit - ie. limited think time) she suggested that I should blog about it. I thought that was funny.
Today's blog however will not be about emoticons, it will reflect on an SEL (social and emotional learning) lesson I taught yesterday. In the mindfulness world that I have immersed myself in (both personally and as an educator) I have noticed there are a lot of familiar uses of symbolism when facilitating mindfulness. Mindfulness is not something that is all that easy to teach - it is more something to be experienced. Which is great because in education we have learned over and over that when a student is somehow able to experience the content of what is taught they supposedly have the highest rates of retaining the lesson concept. Yet most of us continue to lecture...myself included...even thought we know it supposedly is least effective as far as students retaining the concept of the lesson. Definition of insanity?
Back to mindfulness symbolism. My best guess is that Thich Nhat Hanh is perhaps the originator of the popular uses of symbolism within the teaching or facilitating of mindfulness practice. I also guess that he could care less that he is given any 'props' for being that originator. 'Living above the clouds' is this idea that when we practice being mindful we anchor our daily experiences in a space likened to the clear blue sky that presents itself after an airplane has flown through the 'clouds' or the 'weather'. The clouds/weather can denote the 'head noise' or just the day to day experience that we can all be consumed by if we do not purposefully practice or seek stillness/awareness. Let's also suggest here that mindfulness could be attained simply by standing in nature (that which is natural) and purposefully noticing our surroundings....creating our own experience with the present moment (I am reading Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zin - he mentions that second part...I'm also reading The Nature Principle - hence the first part of that last sentence).
When we intentionally practice being mindful, being aware of our moment to moment experience with compassion (no judgement, ridicule or comparison) then we can experience our daily life 'above the clouds' observing the weather without being consumed by it. The weather will still be present...inconsistent, untimely, and uninvited...however we learn to recognize it, observe it, and allow ourselves to acknowledge that it will indeed pass. Another mindfulness consideration is that our life situation is still what it is. We wake up, we take care of our daily responsibilities and manage our life situation. Since we do this anyway would the experience be more meaningful if it were to unfold from a deeper space? Would we have more control of our experience if we are aware of it in the present moment? The present moment being the space where we can heal and grow... as opposed to being stuck in the past or future.
Living in the 'space above the clouds' allows us to co-create an experience that opens ourselves up to the idea that there is something more. Within us lie inspired thoughts, creative ideas, and unlimited possibilities that are available to us when we rise above that which can dampen this awareness.
A few quotes from Tara Brach's book 'Radical Acceptance':
'As we feel our belonging to the natural rhythms of life, the illusion of being separate and threatened begins to dissolve.'
'Our deepest nature is awareness, and when we fully inhabit that, we love freely and are whole.'
Friday, July 26, 2013
Our Words
Grateful. Thankful. Excited.
These are the words that are often scribbled onto what I consider my journal writing to be. Eight years ago I was headed into real deal depression. I had just made a number of changes in my life - all seemingly positive. I was just beginning graduate school and I was talking to one of the professors about what I was feeling (unclear that this was what depression was). I boasted to him about all the journals I had kept for years...and how I could write (lament) for pages and pages and how the writing would just flow out of me. With hand on chin, and scrutiny in his eyes, he suggested that I bring him some of my journal writing and maybe he could help me with what was going on. In preparation for this encounter I thought I should actually read what I wrote in these journals just to get an idea of what he would see (as much as I would write in these journals I never read them). I had just moved and had the collection of writings (again, that I was quite proud of....so many binders and pages of written word) all in one box. I went to the box and started to pick through the pages and try to see what exactly I would be showing to him. As I went through the journals, I quickly recognized that it was all the same story written over and over and over again! It was full of negative repeated thought processes that had just been put into words. Nowhere in these journals was a change in the energy behind the writings. Sure, the entries ended with what I would do to make things better...but it was all repetitive...no evidence of purposeful change. I threw them all away. I stopped writing in journals. When I began keeping a notebook again I intentionally chose to only write positive, affirming statements. If you were to open my notebook today you would see a lot of hearts and a lot of scribble. It has become a new practice for me to write the three words that began this post each in bubble lettering with hearts drawn around them. I then often write the names of people who are on my mind with a heart around them as I send them positive mental thoughts/energy/messages at the same time. Often the students that I am working closely with or who are in a class I am teaching will appear in the notebook each considered individually with hearts capturing the energy behind the scribble. Two teachable skills can be considered here. 1. The energy behind the language we use and the story we tell and retell. 2. Positive mental messages and contributing to the greater good. I do have lesson ideas created specifically for these skills and eventually I will have them available for others to download themselves if they are interested. In an effort to type a shorter post I will attempt to quickly summarize the two ideas. When we practice stillness and we learn to notice our attention and recognize thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses, we then are awake to, or conscious of, the energy that is being contributed to these potentially arbitrary things. If you take a second to consider a toy that has fresh batteries to a toy that is almost out of battery - you can recognize the difference in the energy frequency. You can also consider different ideas in your own mind right now and feel the difference in the energy in your body when one is choosing to use either high energy or low energy language. 'I can't - this will never happen.' compared to 'It's done. This is so going to happen.' Maybe those aren't the greatest examples - but you get it? When we take time to be still and mindful we notice through our own choices the energy we are creating not only in our bodies but that of which we are contributing to the greater world around us (are we adding to that energy and contributing to the greater good or are we taking away?). I referenced the person who wrote the book 'Search Inside Yourself' in a prior post whom (I assume - I should verify his name here...but this is my own blog creation...thank goodness) teaches Mindfulness within the Google corporation. He talked about the three principles of mindfulness practice, self awareness, and positive mental notes being the three ways we can contribute to the idea of world peace (I'm paraphrasing...look him up yourself for any verification you may feel you need!). The example he gave for positive mental notes was to send others messages in the form of thoughts/energy, an example of a specific message he shared was: 'I want you to be happy and not suffer.' I added 'I love you' to the beginning of that message. Imagine Popular Paula and Discounted Dan passing one another in the school hallway. Discounted Dan has had to spend the summer in treatment where he learned this idea of positive mental energy/messages and learned to view his own self as magnificent. Popular Paula was simply not affirming Discounted Dans presence in the hallway as the two were passing - as they were the only two in that area of the hallway. Instead of unconsciously allowing the feeling of being unnoticed add to Discounted Dan's self concept....Discounted Dan consciously sent Popular Paula a mental message: 'I love you. I want you to be happy and not suffer.' As Discounted Dan has learned to recognize the greatness in his own self...and Popular Paula may have not found the true depth of hers yet.
These are the words that are often scribbled onto what I consider my journal writing to be. Eight years ago I was headed into real deal depression. I had just made a number of changes in my life - all seemingly positive. I was just beginning graduate school and I was talking to one of the professors about what I was feeling (unclear that this was what depression was). I boasted to him about all the journals I had kept for years...and how I could write (lament) for pages and pages and how the writing would just flow out of me. With hand on chin, and scrutiny in his eyes, he suggested that I bring him some of my journal writing and maybe he could help me with what was going on. In preparation for this encounter I thought I should actually read what I wrote in these journals just to get an idea of what he would see (as much as I would write in these journals I never read them). I had just moved and had the collection of writings (again, that I was quite proud of....so many binders and pages of written word) all in one box. I went to the box and started to pick through the pages and try to see what exactly I would be showing to him. As I went through the journals, I quickly recognized that it was all the same story written over and over and over again! It was full of negative repeated thought processes that had just been put into words. Nowhere in these journals was a change in the energy behind the writings. Sure, the entries ended with what I would do to make things better...but it was all repetitive...no evidence of purposeful change. I threw them all away. I stopped writing in journals. When I began keeping a notebook again I intentionally chose to only write positive, affirming statements. If you were to open my notebook today you would see a lot of hearts and a lot of scribble. It has become a new practice for me to write the three words that began this post each in bubble lettering with hearts drawn around them. I then often write the names of people who are on my mind with a heart around them as I send them positive mental thoughts/energy/messages at the same time. Often the students that I am working closely with or who are in a class I am teaching will appear in the notebook each considered individually with hearts capturing the energy behind the scribble. Two teachable skills can be considered here. 1. The energy behind the language we use and the story we tell and retell. 2. Positive mental messages and contributing to the greater good. I do have lesson ideas created specifically for these skills and eventually I will have them available for others to download themselves if they are interested. In an effort to type a shorter post I will attempt to quickly summarize the two ideas. When we practice stillness and we learn to notice our attention and recognize thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses, we then are awake to, or conscious of, the energy that is being contributed to these potentially arbitrary things. If you take a second to consider a toy that has fresh batteries to a toy that is almost out of battery - you can recognize the difference in the energy frequency. You can also consider different ideas in your own mind right now and feel the difference in the energy in your body when one is choosing to use either high energy or low energy language. 'I can't - this will never happen.' compared to 'It's done. This is so going to happen.' Maybe those aren't the greatest examples - but you get it? When we take time to be still and mindful we notice through our own choices the energy we are creating not only in our bodies but that of which we are contributing to the greater world around us (are we adding to that energy and contributing to the greater good or are we taking away?). I referenced the person who wrote the book 'Search Inside Yourself' in a prior post whom (I assume - I should verify his name here...but this is my own blog creation...thank goodness) teaches Mindfulness within the Google corporation. He talked about the three principles of mindfulness practice, self awareness, and positive mental notes being the three ways we can contribute to the idea of world peace (I'm paraphrasing...look him up yourself for any verification you may feel you need!). The example he gave for positive mental notes was to send others messages in the form of thoughts/energy, an example of a specific message he shared was: 'I want you to be happy and not suffer.' I added 'I love you' to the beginning of that message. Imagine Popular Paula and Discounted Dan passing one another in the school hallway. Discounted Dan has had to spend the summer in treatment where he learned this idea of positive mental energy/messages and learned to view his own self as magnificent. Popular Paula was simply not affirming Discounted Dans presence in the hallway as the two were passing - as they were the only two in that area of the hallway. Instead of unconsciously allowing the feeling of being unnoticed add to Discounted Dan's self concept....Discounted Dan consciously sent Popular Paula a mental message: 'I love you. I want you to be happy and not suffer.' As Discounted Dan has learned to recognize the greatness in his own self...and Popular Paula may have not found the true depth of hers yet.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Self Development
"The ultimate truth of who I Am is not I am this or I am that but I Am." says Eckhart Tolle. I should probably hook up with these authors/books that I continue to cite on here and their publishing company or Amazon. If I do so and you begin to notice ads and links to their websites then feel free to stop reading my blog if you consider me to be a 'sell out'. I, on the other hand, do believe in abundance and do believe in paying off my credit card and school loan debt. I also have been considering another idea about schools and mental health being considered charity work to some extinct. Sometimes I feel as if those of us that work in these areas believe in what might be a socially contrived story that teachers don't teach for the money. As long as that belief is entrenched in us then we will continue to earn a wage that seems like an inappropriate sum of money to live on. I say this because it does seem that collectively those of us that live in developed countries tend to largely spend money on what is important to us. If mental health and public education are important to us as a society then money might not be considered such an obstacle in getting those particular needs met. As one that works in the school system my observation is that many teachers are impacted. One's student/child may not appear to be directly impacted, but impacted teachers leave schools and teacher retention does seem to be a risk factor for education. It's not always the salary where the impact hits the most...it is also the resources offered to support the school environment - including perhaps how many teachers are hired...classroom size possibly being another risk factor. I'm not one for controversy so I will stop discussing this now. The title of this blog is self development. An author I like is referred to as a leading expert in self development. I like that word self development so I have begun to use it in what I Am teaching to students within the greater context of SEL (social and emotional learning). I Am developing in my own teaching of self development and at this time I consider three areas of growth to measure with students to be awareness, acceptance, and compassion (all related to the idea of self - 'I'm angry.' 'I'm lonely,' 'I'm happy.'...who is this 'I' we speak of?). Students have commented on this as the teaching of being 'stuck up' or 'self important'. The idea I have right now is that we need to cultivate these areas within our self before we can express them to other living systems (humans, earth, animals, etc). When working with young people who have been hurt by people I often add other living systems to consider when we discuss different concepts (if a person is hardened it seems they will shut down if you are suggesting to them they need to have compassion for others...it might be less invasive if you begin suggesting the idea of compassion and how it can be practiced with animals or the ecosystem). The three areas of growth: Awareness (noticing thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses), Acceptance (practicing present moment awareness and accepting things as they are in that moment), Compassion (without judgement, ridicule, or comparison). A student that self harms may learn to notice an impulse to hurt him/herself...with practice the student is able to accept the experience the body is having...the student will learn to be aware and accept the impulse to harm self without judging the impulse (shame can be a piece of this), ridiculing (blame may play a part here), or comparing self to others (belief: I don't fit in). Without learning how to notice what the body is experiencing in an effort to contribute to one's well being rather than take away from one's well being, a person may continue to allow a trigger (two students in the classroom are talking and I feel left out) to lead to a behavior (physical harm to self) and then feed the negative thought cycle (I don't fit in) to further perpetuate and contribute to a limited experience of life. Can you see how the skills developed in mindfulness practice can help one create a better sense of control over one's life? Just like practicing strength building exercises helps one become physically stronger, so too does mindfulness practice strengthen the 'attention muscle' (says Jon Kabat-Zinn...cha- ching$$). Learning to pay attention to our emotions in the body will help us develop healthy interventions that will add to our life experience as opposed to taking away from the experience. One last thought that I will quickly touch on and then most likely add to in additional posts: The corporate world seems to have bought into SEL and the idea of mindfulness as they have noticed its contributions to the end result of their success/earnings (see anything Daniel Goleman/Emotional Intelligence or Chade-Meng Tan with Google/Search Inside Yourself...or others). The medical community seems to have bought into mindfulness practice too as they can't ignore the research and healing presented as evidence of effectiveness (see anything Jon Kabat- Zinn and his stress clinic or MBSR/MBCT...and there are other great medical doctors as well contributing to this research). So being mindful and operating in the present moment adds to corporate success and medical healing...could it possibly contribute to learning and education? I suppose if that is true we would have to believe that learning best takes place in the present moment...it does make sense. Actually there seems to be a lot of effort toward bringing mindfulness into the schools. A website called mindfulnessinschools.org was helpful to me this past school year...or just google mindfulness in schools and see what comes up as far as specific curriculums (I think there are several that are already considered to be 'evidence-based'). I would like to begin my own little effort with the teachers themselves and offer them the experience of mindfulness practice...and they can incorporate it within the classroom in a way that is natural and meaningful to them. Let's teach the fullness of attention as opposed to diagnosing the deficit of it.
Friday, July 12, 2013
Pulling out or Putting in
The blog that never came to be earlier this week (although it did seem to appear on my dad's email and I asked him to please not open it because I'm concerned that it was an incomplete rough draft and I'm embarrassed...I'm fairly certain he was relieved to not have to read another post - they do get a bit wordy) included the idea of 'pulling out' of young people when we teach instead of the mindset that we must 'put in' - and if the young people are not digesting and taking in what we adults are so desperately trying to get them to know then they are going to live a life of unknowing. In past posts I mentioned the idea of cognitive behavior theory as it places a lot of the focus on thinking (cognition)... and then I offered the consideration that our thoughts, feelings, sensations and impulses are possibly all enmeshed (I think that idea was sparked in my mind by Mark William's book on mindfulness)...and then I pondered the idea that if it does all begin with a thought ('thought is the ancestor to every action' - says someone I can't remember...maybe a scientist...maybe a poet...I heard it from a slightly dated but recently purchased from amazon at a low price that multiplied to a high price with shipping PBS Wayne Dyer cd set) then what sparks the thought? and my answer was: a belief - and often these beliefs are deeply rooted into our subconscious. The belief 'I am not good enough' (because I have a single parent raising me on a retail store clerk salary and I need extra support in a school setting and my sibling spent time in a detention center and the majority of movies, television shows, and observation of family I have been exposed to has reinforced that this is not how one is deemed worthy - or 'fits in') sparks the thought 'I can't do this' or any myriad of limited thinking patterns. If you are a mental health provider or have experience with trauma and its effects on the brain, or you are considering mental 'illness' - I do recognize that there are other considerations when discussing beliefs and thinking (and the energy created in a societal belief around what is considered to be mental illness and how that energy might contribute to and reinforce the self limiting beliefs, etc - another blog) and you are considering how that may play into all of this - you consider away and when working with young people and maladaptive thinking patterns that may be considered unsafe to self or others it definitely should be considered in context as we intervene in that situation. I Am. going to go general here - yet in practice I hope to always be mindful of a broader scope. Well darn, now my blog idea has shifted into considering how any limited belief can negatively influence the greater good (the no peeing section of a swimming pool) - and likewise how any inclusive belief can positively contribute to the greater good (positive energy having a higher frequency than negative energy - google your favorite scientist for more on that). Alright...time to refocus...I wanted to consider kindness and if that is something that comes from within or that we gain from outside of our self. I have several stories for reference - and they are my own interpretation of experiences I have observed or been involved in. One observation was of a young person (maybe nine years old) and how a relative of this young person made a comment about the child's 'sweetness' after yet another snotty comment or action took place by the 9 year old, the adult relative said something like: 'She used to be sweet, but she's lost it now.' Granted there is so much more context and I didn't clarify with the adult what she really meant - however, the vibe I got from my observation and experience with the persons involved in this situation was that the belief of the adult might have been that sweetness is a relative term - one has it or they don't have it...it can be lost or found. I'm certain if I had had a thoughtful and calm conversation with the adult that she would understand what I Am. suggesting. The idea I Am. getting at is...Is kindness something we obtain or does it come from within - even though life circumstances may cause it to lie dormant? A broader belief may be that that which truly is good is within all of us at our deepest core - and why? Perhaps because when we experience these feelings it feels right or good...and what feels truly good (and contributes to the greater good) may be what is our nature. The other story (and I recognize that my first story was kind of lame because I really don't want to 'call anyone out' for the sake of a story so I probably made too many allowances for the story to be all that compelling - no drama...no fun)...this other story is about a friend of mine...to protect her privacy we will call her Shanna. I have known this person since ninth grade and she is the most genuinely kind person I know. She has never claimed a religion nor has she chosen to get a master degree in an area of understanding people that includes ethics related to kindness - to my knowledge she does not read books on how to develop a kind heart nor does she pursue any extra efforts outside of herself related to being kind. She is just simply kind - it's inherent (hm. 'in her' is in inherent...very cool because I was about to delete inherent and replace it with 'in her' but it's already there). I on the other hand have spent at least the last twenty or more years seeking truth and authenticity when it comes to ideas such as kindness. I have had my moments (and I do feel that I have been mostly transparent in my experience working with adolescents - that part does seem to be effortless with the exception of when I was an adolescent...but that's just one sub population). So in my own experience I know that I was not kind all the time as a child growing up - that there were some mean spirited thoughts and actions that took place. I know this because I Am. the person that experienced it from within. I knew that authentic kindness was available because I had moments where I felt it or experienced it but I really had to make a conscious effort to have it raised to a distinct level of consciousness where it infused into the being I present. Ohhhhhh....my point...my point?...If we have a belief that what we need is outside of us will we be led on some life long elusive chase for something we think is missing? On the other hand, if our belief (and again - a belief so rooted that we have no doubt...none) is that what we need lies within...and it's just a matter of desiring to live consciously and allow what is inherent or in'his'ent to come forth ('the space within that is connected to the originating source of energy is where lie unlimited possibilities...creative ideas...and inspired thoughts' - a convoluted mishmash of a quote that might be Eckhard Tolle or Tara Brach...or we're all just trying to explain that same darn thing that simply can't be explained). Enough. You are consciously kind if you have read this far. Summary: when working with young people or when considering our own self development consider the possibility of 'pulling out' what is already there instead of the potentially limited belief that what we need is outside of us - 'putting in'. Done.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Taking one step forward
This morning I was considering how to create a meditation (visualization) for young people on the idea of taking a step forward into the unknown. Meditation may sound a little concerning to some...I consider it just a word for stillness...stillness in the present moment where we can best create and be connected to our true self...the space within where great athletes and artists perform...the greatness that is within us all - whether we are parenting, cleaning, exercising, planting flowers, making a meal...or cake balls: being 'in the zone'. So when one speaks of the Olympic sprinter Michael Johnson and his response to an interview question: 'What did it feel like to win?', and he responds: 'I have run (ran?) that race so many times in my mind, have finished that finish, and have created and experienced the energy of victory over and over in my imagination...I feel as if I have won the race many times over.' I totally misquoted there in a grammatically incorrect way - but you get the idea of athletes and visualization...or performers/artists and visualization - I assume most of us accept this idea when it comes to the 'greats' - what about when it comes to our daily life? Can we apply this concept of imagining/visualizing to our relationships with others?...creating a comfortable living space?...managing finances or paying off debt?...healing?...addiction?...Can we apply this idea of imagining or visualizing what we want to the 'day to day' to co create a richer and more rewarding daily life experience? Back to the idea that I started this post off with - creating a visualization around taking one step forward. The idea behind this visualization is the image of a person standing on an edge...in front of the person is darkness (the unknown)...beside and behind the person is what is familiar - good or bad, it is still familiar...it is all that we know. Clearly it is scary to take a step into the unknown - even if we are fairly certain it holds a more satisfying experience. Here is where the idea of visualization comes in. If we can create or imagine what we are walking into - and do so using our senses and creating the images and experience in our mind as opposed to thinking it...then perhaps taking that step may feel a bit more familiar? In the last blog I considered the idea of adversity being what pushes us to take that step. When what we know truly is comfortable...how likely are we (or why would we) venture into something we don't know? The more adverse our life situation becomes...the more it will push and push and push until we give in and take that step.
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Part of the Whole
Yesterday the blog I wrote didn't post. Let me just tell you how advanced I Am. in my mindfulness practice. I wrote the blog in the morning (it was the first one I wrote that I was unsettled with to start - I figured I had too much coffee...quite frankly I was getting a little too consumed with it all). I was thinking about it all day and (I'll expose myself here) wondering why no one was reading it. I met my family for dinner and my brother said 'Hey, couldn't read your blog today it wouldn't come up.' So I went on to enjoy my time at dinner with everyone. Okay, well...not exactly. I was so irritated that the blog was messing with me that I couldn't get my mind off of it (not to mention that Dan ordered for everyone...I think there were four broccoli crowns that made up the entire vegetable offering...and of course everyone was raving about how good it all was....black sheep). "Yes, young person students...I Am. your helper." Anyhow, so now I Am. in a much more settled state and hope to write something inspired ('detached from the outcome'). My thought is the idea of a person being part of the whole. When I Am. in a work setting I rely on a team. One of the drawbacks when resources are cut from a school is the time available to consult with others. I can see where this would seem excessive to tax payers. However, I feel as if what I contribute is helpful and necessary - but not independent of others professional opinions. One of the persons I worked most closely with was the security resource officer that worked within the school. So you have social worker (the system is harmful to the individual) and police officer (the individual is harmful to the system) and I would like to say that we were seamless in how we worked with one another (this would also include the school administration and school security). I respected what they did and they respected what I did. I like to think that what I brought to the 'team' was a voice of compassion. Compassion is something that everyone has so when one speaks up from that perspective (and the energy in the room is calm and not resistant) then people hear compassion. Persons will do their job as it needs to be done under the construct of safety (and a young person who is experiencing psychosis is not safe in a building with 2000 students - they are scared and sick and need the right intervention and care) but they are mindful of compassion. I never once felt that persons were not right in their heart when we worked as a team...and even when our ideology was different, when we had genuine respect for one another and saw our differences as necessary and that they allowed for a more realistic representation of how the world worked, then the outcome seemed to manifest in a positive direction for everyone involved. I know of the idea about control and resistance, I can't explain it so well but I know of it: control will always meet with resistance and the energy that it creates is not one that allows for progress. The original post from yesterday was called 'The Book Didn't Come First'. The main idea in the post was taken from one of my coaching analogies. When I would teach a new skill to the players and they had a hard time understanding the mechanics of it, I would sometimes resort to this helpful (not exactly) comment: 'You know...the book didn't come first.' I Am. way too broad in my conceptual view of life to be all that effective when it comes to explaining the basic mechanics of anything. What I meant from the comment about the book is that the game was created and played long before books were written about how to play it. When we learn to be mindful and aware of the present moment, then play comes from within...a natural ability to be in the moment and aligned with our inherent talent ('in the zone'). I also would (attempt) to offer another coaching analogy in meetings (not always well received in a time restricted setting), 'You know....there are many offenses that can win a game.' I need to take my dog for a walk and get on with my day, so I will let you 'chew' on that one. Students and persons that are dealing with adversity may just be closer to true consciousness...an awakening to life...it's adversity that forces us to be present - closer to greatness or demise. When you look at a young person who appears to be beyond intervention, and you consider this idea that that young person is on the brink of enlightenment, it lends an entirely different perspective to the caregiver or provider. Or any person who may feel in despair faced with an adverse life situation...are we on the cusp of true consciousness?
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Allowing for Stillness
To my mind the idea of meditation is stillness. This summer I find that I actually need to put forth an effort to be still, or to 'meditate'. During the school year I would get up super early and the natural stillness of the hour would allow for stillness within, exerting little to no effort. Now I get up later and it's light out, the collective energy is high and there is noise everywhere it seems. I find myself getting lost in thought again instead of getting lost in the beauty of the stillness surrounding me when I walk my dog (the hour I walk her now contains no natural stillness to get lost in). People have asked me if I meditate everyday (actually I really only recall one person asking me that). As a person that would prefer to not have a label on anything, I don't really have an answer for that question. If meditate is just a word that describes intentionally creating stillness within then yes, I would like to think that I do this throughout the day on purpose. Sometimes if I am really wound up I go for an intentional walk to breathe and notice the surroundings, lay on my bed (in a different angle than I would to go to sleep) and purposefully breathe and try to feel my body from within, or sit in a mindful way with my eyes closed and notice my breath. I breathe constantly (uh...yeah...) 'I purposefully am conscious of my breath quite often' I should say - in the car, or when walking by myself anywhere. I used to go to this vastly spacious dog park. I noticed a man that was quite easy to notice. He would often just be wearing shorts no matter what the weather. He would also be moving his body in all sorts of ways that were different than you might say a typical person would move (do you see people practicing Tai Chi in parks? - kind of like that but he would be moving - gaining ground - while doing it). At this time in my life, I was aware enough in my consideration of others that I was mindful not to think this man to be weird and to go in a different direction, rather I was curious and wanted to know what he was doing and why he was doing it. So one day we happened to come into one another's space and so I shared with him that I had observed him at the dog park/reservoir (this is a massive space with some elevation in parts and paths in all different directions - I could run off leash with my dog at least 4 miles if I stayed on the outer edges) and I suppose I must have just asked him why he moved like he did (with hardly any clothing on when others were wearing pants and jackets). He responded to me in a thick Russian accent and I will summarize that which I can remember: I was sick. I drank vodka everyday all day. I ate bad. I was told that I had not much time left to live. I was given many bottles of medication to take everyday. (At this point I'm not really sure how he went about his holistic healing - but lets just say he didn't take his medication and he changed his diet, activity level, and mindset). This is what I most clearly remember him saying to me (he looked me in the eye and asked, again with the thick accent): How long can you go without food? (Umm..I don't know....days?...weeks?...months?) How long can you go without water? (Uh..well...um...days?...not sure...) How long can you go without the breath? (minutes?) And so his message to me and the answer he ultimately gave me was that he healed himself by believing in his own body's ability to heal itself (I would say belief being the key word here). He wore few clothes because of the heat (energy) he created in his body as he consciously moved in ways that his body dictated (probably the same principles behind yoga and tai chi) as he consciously focused on his breath. He was probably in his later 50's and he had no body fat. Aside from appearing 'different' as you first notice him moving about the reservoir in his shorts and bare feet, as you speak with him he did look quite healthy and fit. My point in sharing this story is the idea behind the breath. As far as our body and sickness and disease and suggesting that if we all moved wildly about in a spacious area and didn't take our medication that we would be healed - that is totally outside of my scope and I would hope to not be suggesting anything of that sort. What I am suggesting is us to consider our breath. I don't have the training or skill set to offer much more than that. I first consciously noticed my breath when I became aware of what true anxiety was for the first time - oddly enough it was at the same dog park several years prior to when I met that man. I was in graduate school and for the first time in my life I was being challenged in ways that I couldn't (or I finally chose not to) avoid, run from, or figure our how to detach myself in some way with some excuse or rely on some false belief system to help things make sense (poverty, privilege, culture, religion, politics, etc) or make things go away (the work load and expectations of the program). I thought I was going to come out of my skin - it was awful...it was as if the only survival instinct I had was to breathe as deeply and fully as I possibly could and keep moving and waiting for it all to pass. It sucked. If nothing else, when we shift our attention or awareness to our breath we can shift it away from thinking and offer ourselves the opportunity to be fully present...to be in the now...to really notice the moment to moment experience...if the only time we can truly heal and be alive is in the present then it would seem we have no advantage to contribute to our well-being in a whole way when we are stuck in past or future - relying on some false belief ('I am not enough') that feeds our dysfunctional thinking cycle. As we focus on our breath it allows us the freedom to be a witness to our thoughts, feelings, sensations and impulses instead of seeking our identity in our thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses. "The mind itself is not dysfunctional. Dysfunction sets in when you seek yourself in it in it and mistake it for who you are." (Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now)
Friday, July 5, 2013
Considering Expectations
Recently there is a cover article in Time magazine on Americans and happiness. Without even reading the article I made an assumption as to what the article was about and how I was going to compare mainstream ideas about happiness to the young people in alternative educational settings. I think I read about half the article and (I think) that what it is saying (I could be wrong because I didn't finish it) is that how happy we are is in correlation with the level of our expectations around happiness. I have heard this idea before which contributed to this assumption. I recall sharing my original knowledge of this idea with others in sort of an 'I'm so clever to know this fact' kind of way instead of a mindful bewilderment about the idea and a 'how can I use this to add to my life or an other's life' kind of way. So yesterday was an American holiday - personally I chose to celebrate the idea of independent thinking in my own little desire to be contrary to the majority... and subject myself to total contradiction in everything I do, think, and say...whatever. So the first (it continued throughout the day) contradiction to my individuality was in my expectations around the celebration of the day as it concerned food. I might just read a few too many food magazines (another contradiction if you are keeping score). My expectations around the preparation and presentation of food on any given holiday or special event are OUT. OF. CONTROL. and completely unrealistic in every way imaginable. These expectations continually leave me out on the sidelines as I scrutinize the unfolding of the days food events that at best are unattainable. This is madness and the only salvation is humor at my own expense (my brother is totally on to me). Yesterday as I was spitting out my friends lemon bar and secretly gloating as my brother tried to console my friend by telling her I had an advanced palate, I observed compassion. Within minutes, everyone present ate a lemon bar and shared with my friend how good they thought they were. What others noticed was the time it took to prepare something to bring to a gathering with loving intention, and that what was important was the gathering (not that the whipped cream came from the cow in the backyard). I was out of sync the entire day and if I reflect on other holidays/events I would probably find that I am never fully present because of these silly expectations around how things 'should' go. I want to share a few thoughts that grounded me this morning: What do you really want? This is the title of the first lesson in the series of eight that I created as part of the I Am. curriculum. I start with this consideration (my apologies for another food analogy): Imagine that someone told you that you could go into the grocery story and get anything you wanted...what would you get? My lesson idea is that if we don't really know what we want we will gravitate toward the same thing we always get. I use this example because I do this all the time in the grocery - I think I'm this creative chef yet I always get the same thing (I can expand on this in many different ways - not now). So I ask the students (and myself) 'What do you really want?'. This activity can be likened to finding the lowest common denominator in a math problem...keep asking 'what do you really want?' until it becomes something simple and intangible (this allows for other lesson ideas in using high energy/low energy language as well as ideas about what is tangible and intangible). To go back to the original story about my unrealistic expectations at gatherings with family and friends, the lowest common denominator (should be) connectedness or creating and allowing for a sense of belonging. When I finally noticed great change in my inner life was when I gave up all these ideas about what would make me 'happy' and surrendered to peace. Exasperated with dissatisfaction, I figuratively threw both my hands up in the air and said to myself 'Okay fine! You win! All I want is peace within...that's all.' And that's what came...at least on days that are not considered holidays or events. I heard a story told about an alley cat. The alley cat stumbled upon esteemed cat chasing its tail. The alley cat asked esteemed cat what it was doing. Esteemed cat said 'I was told that happiness is found in my tail, and so if I can just grab on to my tail I will find it and never let go'. Alley cat said 'Yeah I have heard that same thing. However, my experiences may be a little different than yours. What I have learned is that if I go in the direction of what I truly want...happiness follows me...it's always there and I don't have to chase it'. Isn't that great?
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Challenge Limiting Beliefs
Hm. To blog or to take awesome and amazing dog for walk? I'm blogging - or I'll lose the day to the swimming pool (no worries - Keeley will get a walk...it will just be a little warmer outside and she will refresh herself by laying in the dirty street water). Several years ago when I was feeling uncertain of the professional direction I was headed (not really the profession - if that includes working with young people - but rather how I was going about it) I focused my attention on what I really wanted: To inspire and empower young people to feel important (originally it was 'worthwhile') by teaching skills and co-creating opportunities. It became my personal mission statement that I could return to when I felt I was lacking purpose and/or direction. This tagline is now expanding to include TEACHERS/PROVIDERS of young people. Where my heart has always been open and engaged with young people, it is now stretching its expanse to the providers for these young people. If the provider is worn out and lacking purposeful energy so goes the instruction time. This class that I speak of teaching was sorely lacking fourth quarter as I succumbed to the exhaustion that went into creating it. The last few blogs had to do with noticing our thinking, feelings, sensations and impulses. Today I want to suggest that if the 'thought is the ancestor to any action' then what fuels the thought? I will answer my question with 'a belief'. If our belief (whether conscious or unconscious) is limiting (I teach a lesson on the use of high energy and low energy language) than our efforts to intervene with the situation will be limited. I say situation because I believe in the intrinsic worth and dignity of a human being (it's my favorite social work ethic) - so where the situation may be difficult, the individual involved is a human being - worthy of dignity, love, and respect. This belief can be challenging. However, it is a belief - as deeply entrenched in my core as 'water is wet'. If the core of my being believes in this idea, than regardless of my actions it is still my core belief. Simply put - I can have a bad day, run my mouth, be judgemental...yet, if it is my intrinsic belief that people matter, than ultimately that energy is still the undercurrent - it is still ever present. If you work with young people, perhaps you have noticed that they have a tendency to respond to adults like an animal might respond to a human. It doesn't matter what comes out of your mouth, if they feel a negative energy coming from the adult that is rooted deep within the adults belief system, that is ultimately what they react to. They can respond in a variety of ways...but they will react to the energy. If I were a science person I could probably say all this in a scientific way that would make more sense. If my core belief is 'you matter', than even if I'm going in a gazillion different directions, that young person might recognize that I lack organizational skills, but will not doubt my belief in them (even if some structural things need to change so that I can help them best by being present). Clear as mud? If you have children (I do not) than I suggest considering your love for them and then all the things you have said and done on the surface that seem unloving - yet the young person does not doubt the love because it is an undercurrent, an energy that seeps from you because it is a deeply held belief: I love you. You matter. My suggestion to the people who are reading this that work with young people in the school system and have time off this summer...the best thing that we can do (more than attending conferences, reading books, or writing blogs) is to realign and reevaluate our belief system: Do we believe that young people matter? No doubts...is that our core belief? If that is our core belief than we are effective in the job we do.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Noticing...Body Sensations
Good morning...or should I say GREAT morning! I am sitting at my favorite coffee shop - The Mug Shot Cafe in Breckenridge, Colorado. I am also coming off of an almost 36 hour mountain stretch that has my creative thinking process in overdrive. Of the many considerations I would love to discuss, I Am. going to focus on mindfulness and body sensations. I Am. self taught in the area of mindfulness practice. If you are interested in learning more please google anything Jon Kabat Zinn or Mark Williams (or check out my I Am. LLC page on Facebook where I have downloaded some helpful YouTube videos on a variety of ideas that have to do with self development). If you want to be certified/trained in teaching mindfulness practice it is available - look into MBSR or MBCT (mindfulness based stress reduction or cognitive therapy - there are also several school programs; .b and Mind Up to name just a few). If you want to start on your own self first I suggest the book Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. When I first considered the curriculum for the class Problem Solving Skills that I teach at an alternative school, I was basing the skill set off of cognitive behavior theory - CBT (at this point I consider mindfulness a skill/practice that is taught experientially and lends itself to awareness which complements CBT). It is my experience that CBT is often considered to be an effective approach when working with maladjusted young people - so I thought that I would base my course off of it for credibility purposes - and knowledge of its effectiveness. So here I Am., teaching this idea that thoughts contribute to feelings which fuel behavior and it all leads to the results we are getting in our life....and if we can change our thoughts we can ultimately create a more manageable life experience. BTW, if you work with students in an alternative school setting I suggest staying away from the word 'positive' - they tend to assume you are just another adult that thinks if we just think 'positive' everything will be better - and that the adult has no clue about the pain and dissatisfaction that the young person is truly experiencing. Most likely, a student in the class will say 'yeah! if you think positive then life will be positive' - much better coming from the peer than you (is my opinion). Anyway, the more I was teaching CBT alongside mindfulness practice I started to gain a better idea of how body sensations are a big part of this whole process/cycle to be mindful of in an effort to gain control of self (to empower self) - and that the cycle of thoughts, feelings, behavior is more enmeshed than it is linear (this was new to me). I also came to the present understanding that if we can learn to notice our thoughts, feelings, body sensations and impulses (much like we are watching it all on television) it contributes to a greater satisfaction in our moment to moment experience. A simple example would be: It's a hot morning and I'm far from home, dog is thirsty and I have to go the bathroom - BADLY. I angrily pull back dog from barking at another dog. I feel guilty for pulling her so hard. I start to get the impulse to cry which creates more negative energy. I no longer feel motivated to do what I had intended to for the day. At this point I just want to go home and be by myself. You can imagine the variety of thoughts that could go through my head as I walk toward home: why didn't I get up earlier when I know it's going to be this hot?...poor Keeley, she's just a sweet dog - I'm awful...I miss walking on trails, why did I move to the city...I spend too much on my place...I have so much debt and will never pay it off...why does life have to be so complicated all the time...why do I have to complicate it all the time?). Now apply mindfulness practice: I'm noticing the body is hot (sensation). I notice the feeling of irritability. I notice the impulse to pull back my dog harder than necessary. At this point I can watch what is going on (and it can be comical as you recognize how silly it all is) and I now can manage my thoughts instead of my thoughts managing me. The mindfulness books all talk about how thoughts, feelings, body sensations and impulses can all be likened to the weather - just as weather patterns continually change so do our emotions. The sensation of being hot does not have to lead to feelings of worthlessness. A student in a classroom that is aware that their impulse to shut down is just an impulse that will go away is an empowering realization. Fear is a huge trigger to a multitude of thoughts that can take away from our moment to moment experience on a regular basis. A quote from the Williams/Penman book: 'This is what emotions are; they're like a background color that's created when your mind fuses together all of your thoughts, feelings, impulses and bodily sensations to conjure up an overall guiding theme or state of mind'. "I am limited and unsatisfied" is not the theme I want my life unconsciously driven by. I choose to use mindfulness practice (awareness, acceptance and compassion of/toward self) that won me my life back as the tool that will inspire and empower young people to feel important. Lastly, whether you are wanting to measure growth with your own progress, an individual, or that of a classroom, it's really simple to use a 1 - 10 rating scale on each category: self awareness, acceptance of what is, and compassion toward self. Compassion can be defined as no judgement, ridicule or comparison (ie. I notice that I Am. angry... period - no judgement, no ridicule, no comparison). Lastly, a quote from Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now: "Anything that is done with negative energy will become contaminated by it and in time give rise to more pain, more unhappiness.' -- think of how much life we lose when we do this unconsciously?
Friday, June 28, 2013
Self Care
Hi Blog. This blog follows three prior blogs titled 'Considering...'. Speaking of which, my dad was reading out loud the titles of the blogs on the phone to me (nothing like hearing: 'I am SO excited to be writing....I am SO excited to be...I am SO...in a comical tone - insert humility that only family can provide). So, as he is reading the titles out loud, kind of under his breath...'Considering...'...'Considering'....'Considering'...he then says a bit louder 'Why consider...just do it'. I'd like to think that he was missing the context of what the blogs were written about. So today I am purposely dropping the 'Considering' as I discuss the absolute necessity of self care. "We can't give from an empty vessel or drink from an empty well. When we walk this earth with a light heart and a joyful spirit, we bring a special radiance wherever we go." I can think of countless examples where this concept of self care has been so overlooked (self care might just be synonymous with overlooked - or guilt). Mindfulness practice has changed my life and has in turn been the most effective skill I have yet to teach to teens. When persons have asked me: 'What is mindfulness?', I usually get through the first part of a sentence ('So glad you asked, mindfulness is being still...') and then I am promptly interrupted and given the wave of the hand, 'Oh I could never do that, I am always thinking'. If you work with young people that are having a difficult time with existence in general, and you ask 'do you sleep well?' - the answer is almost always the same as they give you the wide eyed look, 'No...I can't stop thinking'. Mindfulness practice may be a term, and there may be some specific ways to practice (so that the clinical people can publish research) - however, I can be mindful (present) while drinking my hot caffeine in the morning (duality of speeding up to slow down - ha)...walking my dog....taking a shower...having a conversation - it's simply being present to life in the moment.... Noticing the beloved coffee mug in your hand...listening to the slurp tones...feeling the familiar warmth as it fills your body...ahhhhhh - I'm fairly certain that morning coffee is not included in the clinical studies. Mindfulness also seems to have a natural place in a school setting (if teacher's 'mind' is on an early morning argument with spouse and student is concentrating on attractive other that they walked by in the hallway before class, how present are we to teach and to learn?) - "Mindfulness is training the muscle of attention." A mental health provider sent out an email toward the end of the year to all MH providers: 'Does anyone have the information on self care that I can forward to all staff?'. I'm certain what this person was looking for was a list of specific resources for joining health clubs, yoga classes, weight loss, etc.. Of course I found the email to be comical and telling...do we really need a list of ways to take care of our'self'? It's the same as listening to coworkers discuss how much they worked that week (the tone is often one of acceptance - or submission - that we 'work' at the expense of all else because that's just the way it is). Several of us were asked to present to the staff information on how to handle grief in the classroom. I chose to talk about self care with the idea that if we learn to be present to life then it has the potential to offer clarity in difficult or uncomfortable situations (to be present with others and self when we hurt, to know when we need to seek help or take time off, to feel our feelings rather than think our feelings...). Perhaps we can all encourage one another as we offer compassion toward our'self' - we cannot give something away that we don't have. Let's not consider taking care of our'self'....let's do it.
Self Reflection questions:
1. Is there evidence in your life of the persons you are closest to are also the persons who understand you and appreciate you the least? Yes or no, why is that?
2. Is there someone in your life whose lifestyle and attitude embody the quote: "We can't give from an empty vessel or drink from an empty well. When we walk this earth with a light heart and a joyful spirit, we bring a special radiance wherever we go." What strategies and skills does this person allow for in his/her life? Could you allow for similar strategies and skills in your own life? Would you? If so, when?
3. How do you define self care? Is the definition different for your own self than it is for others? Yes or no, why is that?
4. How do you seek time for stillness in your own life? Could you create space and time to draw attention to breath and simply be in the moment for some time each day? Would you? If so, when?
5. Create three opportunities to spend time with your 'self' today. Do it.
Self Reflection questions:
1. Is there evidence in your life of the persons you are closest to are also the persons who understand you and appreciate you the least? Yes or no, why is that?
2. Is there someone in your life whose lifestyle and attitude embody the quote: "We can't give from an empty vessel or drink from an empty well. When we walk this earth with a light heart and a joyful spirit, we bring a special radiance wherever we go." What strategies and skills does this person allow for in his/her life? Could you allow for similar strategies and skills in your own life? Would you? If so, when?
3. How do you define self care? Is the definition different for your own self than it is for others? Yes or no, why is that?
4. How do you seek time for stillness in your own life? Could you create space and time to draw attention to breath and simply be in the moment for some time each day? Would you? If so, when?
5. Create three opportunities to spend time with your 'self' today. Do it.
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